Saturday, December 30, 2006

It begins.

And Here we go again. NYE is fast approaching, as is the anniversary of the worst two weeks of my fucking life.

Gonna be staying home this year. New years hasn't been the same for me since then. I usually end up feeling depressed and lonely. At least I know by staying I home, I'll know what to expect. Gonna watch some movies with my girls to remind myself that at least two good things came out of it all. If anyone is interested in joining us, feel free. I could use the company. I'm just not up for travelling this year.

Bear with me folks if I seem a little more jaded and bitter than usual. I might need a little extra support over the next few weeks. Maybe it wouldn't seem so bad if wasn't feeling like shit physically as well.

I know this is eventually gonna pass, the wedding anniversary went by with nary a blink of an eye this year, so that's gotta be something positive.

Meh. I fucking hate January with a passion. At least I have the Hip concert to look forward to. January 25th Baby!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Rocking the Cliches.

Time for a Christmas blog, it's about due. So for your reading enjoyment, my top five favorite Christmas movies.

Honorable mention: The Ref starring Denis Leary, Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis
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This movie gets an honorable mention because it's ass-funny, but not quite in my top five, and I couldn't think of enough movies to come up with a top ten.

Denis Leary plays a buglar who takes a family hostage on Christmas, and discovers what a bunch of whackjobs they are, but by then it's too late to back out of the hostage taking. Nice clean family fare. Right.
Caroline: I had this dream...
Lloyd: Do we have to do dreams?
Caroline: I'm in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Lloyd's head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, "I didn't order this." And the waiter said, "Oh you must try it, it's a delicacy. But don't eat the penis, it's just garnish."
Dr. Wong: Lloyd, what do you think about the dream?
Lloyd: I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.

Five - Scrooged Starring Bill Murray, Carol Kane, Bobcat Goldthwaite, Jamie Farr

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One of a gazillion interpretations of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", this was one of my faves as a kid, although I haven't had the pleasure of seeing it in recent years. Bill Murray plays the lead, an 80's type corporate go-getter television producer and all around jerk. The movie spoofs the various Christmas Carol type movies, including a scene with a Tiny tim that does backflips. Carol Kane is freakishly hilarious as the Ghost of Christmas Past.
All day long I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work. My legs hurt. My back aches. I'm only four.

Four - The Nightmare Before Christmas Directed by Tim Burton

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Watched this for the first time tonight, what a cute movie. I'm thinking it could be a fun christmas eve/eve tradition. The people of halloweentown attempt to take over Christmas. This movie has a fantastic sountrack imo. And kids getting shrunken heads for christmas is always fun.

Three (tie) - The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Family Christmas
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Firstly, another Dickens interpretation, with Michael Caine as Scrooge, Kermit the Frog as Bob Crachit, and Stadtler and Waldorf playing a great Jacob and Robert Marley (did anyone else find that funny? Bob marley?). The second incorporates the muppet show cast, the sesame street cast and fraggle rock in a home christmas. Well worth watching if only to see the swedish chef drool over Big Bird, thinking he's a giant turkey.

Don't think that my love of the muppets biases me in any way here. I saw a Very Merry Muppet Christmas, and frankly wasn't crazy about it. The image of Scooter dancing in a go-go cage still haunts my nightmares, even if it was part of an alternate reality.

Fozziwig: Here is my Christmas speech. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas."
Jacob Marley: That was the speech?
Robert Marley: It was dumb.
Jacob Marley: It was obvious.
Robert Marley: It was pointless.
Jacob Marley: It was... short.
Robert Marley, Jacob Marley: I loved it.

Doc: How do you do, I'm Doc.
Bert: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D?"
Doc: Yes.
Ernie: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y"
Doc: True.
Ernie: And true starts with the letter "T"
Doc: What is all this?
Bert: Where we come from, this is small talk.

Two - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Starring Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki, Randy Quaid

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Clark Griswold attempts to plan the perfect family christmas. Hilarity Ensues.

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Number one - A Christmas Story Starring Peter Billingsley, Darren McGavin

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Ralphie fights bullies, and dreams of a Red Rider BB Gun for Christmas. Have watched this movie every year since it was made. Can't get enough of it. Got a kick out of seeing Zack Ward, who played the bully on Titus years later.

Narrator: Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Shoulds and Shouldn'ts


-Attempt to cut my childrens hair. Ever. Again. Oh, they're fine, but it's so short. Especially Tierneys. She's got this cute little flippy chin-length bob now. NOT, however, what I was going for. I'm just worried that I cut all the curl out of her hair. I hope it come back. Only pro hair-cuts from now on. I will stick strictly to the trimming of bangs.

- Call someone up and beg them to bring me cigarettes, no matter how much I want to. This is day 4.

- Do anymore Ebaying for a while. Just because. Got three items on their way, currently. But four more on my watch list.


- Revive my love of comic collecting. Yes, a little know secret of mine. I'm a reformed comic book geek. Okay, maybe not reformed. A 'lasped' comic lover. 'Reformed' implies that I had more than a passive role in falling out of said habit. No, I used to have a modest collection of about 2-3 dozen marvel titles, and it was a sad day that I sold them for grocery money. Just couldn't afford the habit for a long time after. And I guess I was a little scarred.

I got discussing comics on the forums with a friend, and it got me thinking 'why not?' I don't have a lot of vices -- especially if the not smoking thing works out -- I don't drink a lot, and I don't do drugs (often) so I'm not spending money on that. Other women buy magazines, I don't buy Cosmo, or The Star or Vogue or stuff like that... Besides, comics are like half the price, and have better stories. Hell, in the mental sense, I don't even watch soaps (or much TV at all) anymore, so this can fill in my desire for serial drama.

Incidentally, one of the aforementioned Ebay purchases was a lot of 38 X-men titles. For five bucks, USD. Shipping was a bitch, but all told, works out to about 75 cents an issue. Can't complain about that. I splurged for the airmail option so it will take about a week, instead of 4-6 weeks. I'll be ensconced in the Marvel Universe in no time.

- Call Lakehead university soon to see if they will be offering fourth year sociology courses in the fall, or even in the summer. Seriously considering the whole getting the Masters thing again. Oh it sucks to be torn between doing what I love (which right now is being in school and learning) and doing what will eventually get me out of the assloads of debt I am in.

- Call simcoe health unit for info on becoming a sexual health counsellor. I really think this is something that should be installed in every high school in North America. Like a mini health unit/counsellor, that can answer questions that one might not be comfortable asking in a health class setting... to brigde the gaps left by the sex ed curriculum. I got kind of a wake up call as far as the addictions counselling goes from my friend deb... Especially a point she made about not having any experience dealing with hard-core addiction, whether it be my own or someone elses. It made me kind of reconsider doing the addictions program

My mom keeps telling me that if I want to go for a professorship, I should just fucking do it... go all the way with it, Student debt be damned. Which sounds good for me, but I also would like my kids to know what it's like to live in a house with a yard before they are old enough to move into their own.

I'm already so far in debt. I'm worried that a general BA in sociology isn't gonna do shit as far as getting me a job... the longer i am in school, the longer I can put off paying that debt off, but at the same time, the larger the debt is going to get....


Anyhoo... I'm not going to worry about it tonight. I have better things to do... which is a whole lot of nothing. Nothing is great :-)

Up to the J's now.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Laundry Day.

I've given up on matching socks. I'm willing to settle for common themes or elements.

Almost done the 'D's'

Sunday, December 17, 2006

iTunes Update

iTunes update:

Up to the C's. For those of you on my MSN who saw Johnny cash and Junkhouse playing... that was a mistake... I was trying to transfer those on to my piece of shite MP3 player, and I clicked one too many times and it opened up the program. Since my sound was off, I wasn't really listening to them, so it doesn't count.

I've had to skip one song so far, Buck Cherry's 'Crazy Bitch'. It came on while my kids had a friend over. Gotta make some attemtpt to be a good role model. I'm thinking of deleting it anyway. It's pretty offensive, which is bad coming from me, since not a lot fazes me, musically.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Bah, my appointment to get my wisdom teeth out has been postponed due to a scheduling screw-up. I was supposed to go friday, or so I thought but when I called today to find out what time, they told me that the surgeon wasn't going to be in Friday, that he was actually in today. The girl on the phone said they could fit me in today, but I declined. With an exam tomorrow and another on Friday, I thought it best NOT to spend the next two days doped up as all hell. Apparently the next time the surgeon is in is sometime around January the 26th. Which also sucks, seeing as I have the Tragically Hip concert on the 25th and my Parents 30th anniversary party on the 27th (shhh... it's a secret.. they don't read my blogs). This is an approximate date. If it turns out to be after the 27th, or at least a week before the 25th, then I'll do it in January, if not, I'll wait until after that.

I'm up to the B's now. So far so good. i've decided I need more Billy Joel. iTunes arranges by first name, it seems.

A little experiment.

Gonna see if I listen to my whole iTunes library over the next few days, in alphabetical order, without skipping tracks, staying in order, from 10cc (since as we all know, numbers get listed first) to Zero 7.

I'm currently on A Perfect circle (cover of Love Song and Diary of a Madman).

I'll keep posted to how far I make it.

Oh and I got my christmas shopping done today, with a week and a half to spare. Just stockings left now.

Monday, December 11, 2006

My weekend in rewind...

I'm gonna talk about my past week in reverse chronological order... go me :-)


Tierney woke up sick -- so she says -- so I call the school and tell them she won't be attending. By 10am she's running around and wanting to play and stuff, so I'm like, get your stuff on, you're going to school.

Got my laundry money and hit the bulk barn, picked up molding wafers to make little candy lollipops with the kids, maybe tonight, haven't decided yet.

Got home sorted laundry, watched some of the Muppet show. Just clean out my utility closet, and had to throw out a giant box of cat-pee contaminated halloween clothes. Bright side is, the cat didn't get the carpet, and now I have a lot more room in the closet with that box out of there.


Woke up around 1:30 in the afternoon with a cold/hangover. Myspaced for a good three hours, because I was just NOT feeling at all productive.

around 4:30 I finally decided to get off my ass and wrap some christmas prezzies so they wouldn't all be sitting out in the living room when the girls got home. ran out of tape and tags so had to hit walmart before getting the girls.

Somewhere in this time my parents came over to drop off my car, as I couldn't drive it home the night before. They commented on the odor, and I told them about the closet. Mom recommended picking up some febreze.

Picked up the girls, came home, read some Ramona and put them to bed. Never got around to wrapping the rest of the presents.


Woke up around 8:30ish, and despite my best intentions, only managed to get out of the house around noonish, after running around gathering gifts for the friends I was planning to visit, consoling a friend on MSN on some personal matters, and gathering candy canes for those who were getting only cards.

Stopped by Lori's on the way out of town to pick Sammi and my goodies from two weeks ago. Lori had thrown her back out, so I didn't want to make her stand around for too long, plus I was already running about 2 hours late.

Headed down to Barrie and picked up Joe, with plans to go shopping together. It was nice, especially since we hadn't hung out together since Sammi's going away party. Three and a half month is a long enough time to let dust settle. So we're cool, and just friends. The party made it very clear that there was no future there otherwise.

Dragged the poor guy to Toys R Us, where we had two have spent a good hour and a half, if not two, while he laughed at me while I agonized over what to get the girls, and whether I was spend too much, and whether it would look like I was favoring one over the other. He also got to laugh at my hipocrasy as I criticized parents who spent too much on their kids, then proceeded to have a near-coronary at the check out. Meh. I don't get to spoil them too often, and I still spent less on the both of them than some parents spend on one child. Not to mention, the biggest gifts were bought with the money nanny sent them, so technically it's Nanny spoiling them, not me. :-P Still justifying, all the time justifying spending money. It's post-poverty flashbacks, from times when I had to justify buying gum.

After fighting the hordes at Toys R Us, I told Joe he could pick the next store, so we headed to future shop where he searched for a GPS system and I drooled over TV DVD sets. So many box sets. I had to laugh at the 'Jennifer Aniston' Collection. Who actually said "You know what would be handy? A whole bunch of Jennifer Aniston movies in one collection." They're not even the good ones. They're the crappy first couple movies she made during the Friends early years.

Finally got done shopping and dropping Joe off at home around 6:30ish.. again, about two hours later than I had planned, leaving me very little time to do the visiting I had planned to do... as it was, I had to cut out Jenny's place and Sam's place, but since they didnt' know I was coming, it wasn't a huge loss to them.

Got over to Jamies place so I could give sammi her toy and her holiday gift, and Jamie a card... me the social retard I am didn't bother to bring a card for his roommate Chris though. Sammi got me a new coffee maker, the sweet <3. Good thing I had refused to let Joe buy me one in the walmart. Narrowly avoided a potentially awkward situation as I was leaving Jamie's as his friend showed up. Because I was on the way out the door, I only had to deal with a slightly awkward hello. Still wondering what the reaction to seeing me was. tehehe.

Picked up some food and headed over to Erics place to drop off a prezzie and see a few minutes of Fatal Frame 3, which seems like a fairly freaky game, but I have a hard time getting excited over video games. Maybe it's just me.

Got home around 9ish to get ready for my parents party. As I'm getting all dolled up I realize I can hear a faint meowing, and I look around for Spartacus. Shaking the kitty treats, I realize that he's stuck somewhere. Utility closet. Must have snuck in there why I was grabbing the candy canes. Opened up the closet and there he was, along with a terribly foul odor.

Got myself sexy and went and picked up Dan and we headed to my parents place where we drank, mingled, my sister took a kajillion pics on my camera, and people sang bad karaoke, and I fielded numerous questions of 'Is that your boyfriend? No?! Why not?' Gah. Good times though, I'm a bad influence and let dan Drunk text message, still waiting to hear what the fallout from that was.


Took the girls out to lunch and tobogganning. Spent twenty bucks on snowpants, to go down the hill ONCE before one child started crying because she got snow in her face and the other one announced that she had to go pee. Good times.

Went to the Kings Wharf to see the childrens production of Tom Sawyer. My nephew had a part in it as Ben Rogers, and I was surprised to a net friend in the production as well. We had gone out once, really sweet guy, but it wasn't 'there'. Picky picky I know. It was nice to go up and say hello again though.

During the scene with Tom Huck and Becky in the gold mine, after they find the Gold, when becky said her line about dying in the cave, my sisters BF's son, who is five, pipes up "Meh, They'll die rich." Too funny. Really good production. Again rekindled my interest in community theatre. Maybe next year.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Where I am coming from...

So many of you know me, some not as well as others. I know that after being on Myspace for almost a year, it's may seem a little silly to be posting what may seem like an 'introductory' blog, but I thought it might be a little fun for you all to get a little peek into part of the way my mind works, so I'm going to talk a little about my dreams and aspirations.

For the past couple of days I have been on here bitching about the big giant motherass assignment I had due on Thursday (the one that I handed in at 1pm today, THANK GAWD). I'm currently a student of sociology in my third year of University. I was originally a psychology student, but I have been taking sociology courses since my first year. In some ways the two disciplines are quite similar, and in other ways they diverge greatly. They are both studies of human behaviour, but psychology focuses mostlyon the individuals thought processes and behaviours, where sociology focuses more on interactions between people on the micro and macrosocial levels.

I left Psychology halfway through second year, because I realized that I had more of a passion for sociology, as well as enjoying the research methodology more. After the three years that I have been exposed to this discipline, it's safe to say that I am of the Social Constructionist mindset, with Marxist tendecies. That is to say, I don't beleive in anything. Or more accurately, there is very little I take for granted as 'natural' anymore.

People make the mistake of thinking that when someone says something is not 'natural' that you mean it is wrong. I try not to make value judgements as to what is right or wrong. I like to think more along the lines of what is 'harmful' or 'harmless'. Most of the time now, when I say 'natural' I mean congenital, something that is built into you at birth. There is very little I concieve as natural anymore, I tend to find evidence to the idea that pretty much every value, norm and idea about life we have is constructed in some way. I guess this idea I derived mostly from the courses on Sexuality, as well as sociology of the Family.

I think the problem that many detractors of Social Constructionism have is that it sounds so much like a big conspiracy, like people conciously set out to spread ideology. It's so much more subtle than that. Most of the norms we take for granted, for instance gender roles, are so embedded into our psyche that we are unaware of the socialization that is taking place. When you tell a little boy that he can't wear a dress because he is a boy, that's conditoning him to accept certain behaviours as masculine. It's not a concious thing though, because we concern ourselves more with teaching our children conformity, not in the name of perpetuating the construction of gender, but in the name of making life more comfortable for our children. It's not a concious thing. Social construction means simply that norms are created through human interaction, not handed down by some divine entity.

As far as my Marxist tendencies go, I say that because I do beleive that there is a dominant class, a power elite that works to perpetuate their own power. Why not? If I had a great deal of power, I would fight to retain it as well. I also beleive that some of the hegemonic assumptions that we live with day to day are perpetuated through certain agents of socialization, such as the media, namely the tool of advertising, for the benefit of major corporations. I could go on for days about this.

As much as I complain, I love my education, and I would love to continue it as far as it will take me. My ultimate goal is to specialize in media studies, one because it fits in so nicely with my pop culture addiction, and two, in light of the theories of social constructionism, it is interesting how this approach begs the question of art imitating life, or life imitating art. More accurately, life imitates art... but art tends to feed into hegemonic ideologies.

Anyway, yeah. That's a little bit of me. Sociology whore. I'm rambling... but anyway. I'm going to watch a movie I think... first one in weeks.

HUZZAH for the shopkeep!

Woot! Proofing and Formatting tomorrow then I am officially done, and I won't have to write about social theorists for at least another month.

So ends the final chapter in the oddessey known as 'Andie attempting to give two shits about social theory."

It's always the last minute I manage to pull the work out of my ass.

That's right. That's not fat down there. It's unwritten essays.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

One small ray of light.


Apparently my prof did email me, I never got it, but I spoke with him just now and he's giving me until Monday.

Mother of Gawd, I want to be done NOW. NOW. But at least I know I can get it done by monday, and I won't have to scrap the class. Woot.

I can't take this stress, I'm so exhausted... I've burst into tears no less than three times today. Gawd, Gawd, Gawd. In the home stretch now, and this takes a teeny bit of pressure off.
I'm off to finish this shite so I can finally rest.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My imagination's having puppies.

Give me back my brain dammit. Hell give me back my life. I don't want to think about Marx and Conflict theory, or Durkheim and structural functionalism... all this shit has pushed useful concepts out my brain.. I tried to discussion a weekend visitation change up with the boy and I couldn't grasp the concept of This weekend and Next weekend.

I can't live off four hours sleep. I had to beg and plead at my brain today to function.

I got caught doing 75 in a 50 today. The cop let me off, thank god. The look of sheer embarassment and utter exhaustion maybe made him feel sorry for me.

Anas won't return my email asking for an extension. This shits due tomorrow. I'm freaking.

I need sleep. So. badly.

I just want to hang out with my kids -- who are starting to feel the stress -- and do xmassy stuff and watch movies and read books that arent' about how fucked up our world is.

I want to look into the mirror and not see the dark circles and stress rash and not see the mess piling up around me.

I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to write anymore. I don't want to breathe eat and sleep sociology. ANYMORE. Let this semester end soon. SOON.

On a side note, I took tierney to the book fair today and bought the girls Ramona the Pest. I can't wait to read it to them. The illustrations on the new editions remind so much of Reagan it's too cute for words.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Urg. Just Urg.

I hate Fucking Drama.

I hate fucking group projects.

I'm too damn old for this SHITE.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Come on, wednesday. Then I can put all this idiocy behind me.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

We're all living for the weekend

Well this was a fun weekend, that's for sure. Well worth putting off all the work I have to do :-)

I picked up Sammi and Eric in Barrie on friday after working my arse off on the group project that's due on Tuesday. That's done, now all's left is to present. Although shite is gonna hit the fan, if our ousted group member (just one, we let the other one back in, because as it turns out, he did have all his shit together) shows up. Gah, I hate drama.

So we drove up here, dropped our stuff off at my place and headed out to the Harbour legion for Karaoke. It was freakin dead so it allowed me a chance to break out some stuff that's a little more edgy than the usual Legion fare. My voice has been effed up so I stuck with more fun stuff than anything really challenging... If I recall, I did:

REM - Imitation of Life
Dead Milkmen - Punk Rock Girl (which was friggin fun)
Everlast - Black Jesus
Ramones - I wanna be Sedated

There's one more, but I can't remember. Sammi and Eric got up and did some stuff too, they seemed to have a pretty good time.

After the Legion closed, we hit last call at Shananas, it was pretty busy there.

Saturday, spent the morning watching Clone High on DVD ("Helping people out is what John Stamos is all About!") then went out for lunch/dinner at the kings buffet.

Went grocery shopping, where sammi got beat by a mechanical santa then Sammi and I went off to a Passion Party hosted by my friend Lori (aka the little witch), which was a friggin riot, and I bought fun 'me-time' toys, including one that hooks up to an MP3 player and works in time to the music. MICHAEL STIPE!! MICHAEL STIPE!! hahahaahhhaaa (inside Joke). It was friggin crazy fun, so I'm hoping to host one myself in the next couple months. I have a lot of pervy friends who would enjoy this :-)

Afterwards we came back, and Nic and Dan come over and Sammi had hid a dirty note in Dans room, which upon being found resulted in a whole lot of homoerotic fun, and hilarity ensued. Watched a bunch of youtube, and Nic brought over copys of his new CD. Good times. Eventually ended up watching some kids in the hall, about 5 episodes from the first season. Good times.

So today I drove them back home, we went to Erics (with the kiddies in tow) to look at some pics from a fashion show, then Sammi and I and the girls went to McRaunchies for dinner then drove home. Tierney and reagan told me stories for bedtime for a change, complete with shadow puppets. They're bloody cute those two are.

So tired, and I have a big paper due, so it's gonna be a stressful week, but after that I only have exams to worry about until january. Huzzah.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

a train a train a train a train... would you, could you?

No time to blog lately... been crazed with work. Okay, that's not entirely true. I've posted a few on the Mog Which is a fun little music site which I was recently introduced to. They are but short, music related blurbs. Random here and there thoughts.

Otherwise, I am again ass-deep in deadlines. Drama is about to ensue with a group project I am working on, as those of us who have been contributing have decided to put our collective foot down. The shite is gonna hit the fan real soon. I also have a ten page essay due next Thursday -- a comparative essay on two major social theorists. I woke up from a nightmare that it was due today. Scary. Although due in a week is pretty scary too.

I'm Having company this weekend! Sammi and Eric are gonna come up and hang out with me this weekend, I'm really excited. Legion karaoke, and kids in the hall and beers and for a little while on Saturday Sammi and I are gonna ditch Eric (Don't look at me like that, he's had forewarning of this ditching -- it couldn't be helped) and go to a sex toy party at Lori's! Yay! I've never been to one, should be fun. I cleaned the house from top to bottom yesterday and clean ALL the sheets and blankets to ensure that the last stragglers of tierney and reagans little 'Friends' were completely and totally obliterated. HAHA! DIE FUCKERS! So, sammi, if you're reading this, fear not. it was more a safety precaution anyway.

Still dealing with the occasional wave of loneliness, but it's okay. I guess it hits me more than usual lately because I'm not distracted by the fun of seeking out prospects. In total frankness, I don't know if I could sustain a relationship at this point in my life anyway. It's just that it's been so looong.

I get this way around Christmas and new years, just cause it brings back some not so nice memories. January marks four years. It'll pass. The wedding anniversary passed this year without notice. Good for me.

Friday, November 17, 2006

It's neither this or that, actually it's a collection of things...

Two hour lecture in Modern Soc Theory about the 'three faces of cruelty' (being ferocity, callousness and acetiscism) follow by a forty minute film on the history of punishment. Yay. Someone slit my wrists for me, please.

More cases of mistaken identity. Apparently cute guys DO just smile and say hi to me for no reason. Thought he was one of Sammi's friends from her going away party. Turned out to be a random guy from the library who 'stole' a chair from me last week. Seem nice enough, I introduced myself after explaining my mix-up.

One out of my last three assignments complete, a three-pager (yay for the short ones) in response to a study on polyamoury. Toyed with the idea that the assumption of monogamy just sets some couples up for failure. This was for Sex roles. Will hand in tomorrow morning, not-so-bright and early.

Finally free of Magical Trevor. For the time being.

Transcribed the lyrics to The Headstones 'Nickels for your Nightmares'. That song is truly a testament to Hugh Dillon's smack addiction.

Ignored on the MSN by one who shall remain nameless. Think I'm gonna take the hint.

Me go sleepy sleepy now.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

filibuster vigilantly

I've had This Shit in my head for the past two days straight now.

Curse you Magical Trevor.


I must be getting old. Was looking at CD's to buy and I only recognized THREE songs on this years Big Shiny Tunes compilation.


School related stress. This shit better be worth it in the end. Anyone know anything about Symbolic Interactionism?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A Penchant for the Problematic

It was a bad day to be a guy in Thinking Sociologically today. 4 presentations, 3 of them on Gender Inequality. If I was one of the guys in my class today, I might have wanted to go home and shoot myself. I dont' know sometimes how the guys can get through these classes without feeling horrible just for being male.

It makes me understand why some people fucking hate feminism. Unfortunately, what opponents of feminism and radical feminists -- as well as some of those who are new to it and don't really 'get' it yet -- The purpose of feminism is not to attack men. It is to critique and attempt to make change to a system that favours one sex over the other.

What is not realized, is that men are just as much a pawn of this form of socialization as women are. Difference being, for a long time, men have reaped the benefits. Men are only doing what is natural, what anyone in a position of power does -- trying not to lose that power. Anyone who is in a position in any heirarchial structure is gonna try to maintain, if not the position itself, at the very least, the benefits that come with it. Women would do the same thing. Don't think so? Try asking a group of women if -- should modern technology allow -- men should be allowed to carry babies, and quite a few will jump on that being 'our only source of power' and vehemently deny that right to men. Oh yeah, I saw it.

But still, the focus remains on how hard done by we are. In many ways buying into what many have attempted to fight.

One of the points that was made today in a presentation concerned the media. One group did a comparison of how sexualized women had to become in order to be sucessful in music. Case in point, Britney Spears. and to a lesser extent, Christina Aguilera, as well as women who act as back-up dancers in videos such as this one:

Buck Cherry - Crazy Bitch you might not want to have kids in the room.

One of the girls in my class pointed out that the girls in this video were using their sexuality to make money, and that it was their choice to do so, thus were they not empowered to a certain extent?

The answer given to this question bothered me. The response was something to the effect of 'Well, she should be able to get a high-paying job that DOESN'T involve selling her body". This response presented me with a quandary. Part of the sexual revolution/women's lib movement of the 60s and 70's was presenting the idea that women were sexual beings in their own right, not as just as vessels for male pleasure.

So why are we still saddled with the ideal that 'good girls don't?' We look down on sexual expression for profit. Some may say it's exploitation, but is it exploitation when said person stands to profit and is aware of what they are doing?

Where is the line drawn between expression and exploitation? Why is it when Britney Spears gets half-naked in a video it's smutty and an affront to women, but if Sarah McLachlan does it, it's artistic expression? The issue of McLachlan being a superior musical talent notwithstanding.

One could argue that in Spears' case her exposure is for the sake of the male gaze, in order to titillate. But this is only a negative because society has moralized against the use of sexuality as an assertion of power. We, for some reason are only allowed to use our intellect, or physical strength to get ahead. We can use our sexuality to attract a mate, but if someone stands to make monetary gains then some invisible moral boundary has been crossed and that person is to be reviled.

Bah. I ramble. Oh yeah, the mr. Lee sight is a spoof. They can't get really make a man pregnant. Yet.

Edit: Posted video then realized I had the wrong version posted. I had originally posted the censored version.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Remember, that we don't repeat our mistakes of the past

Today is remembrance day, a day to pay respect to our veterans of the wars of old. Unfortunately, many use this as a time to also justify taking in battle of ethnocentricities and 'we're better than them' mentalities frightfully similar to the regime so many fought a mere sixtyish years ago

Despite this co-opting of such a solemn day for hegemonic purposes, I still carry my poppy with me, for those who had the courage of their convictions to fight ALL genocidal regimes, not just those who are profitable to oust. As opposed to the paper poppies, I have a special keychain I purchased at the War Museum which is with me at all times. If you ever have a chance to go, I suggest it. It's a moving experience.

I carry it for the thousands, I carry it for my Uncle Jack Lemon who died in battle, I carry it for my Uncle Keith Lemon, who although he wasn't killed, was still lost to the war inside himself. I carry it for my Great-Granpa Earl Lemon who took part in both world wars.

I also carry it for the men who risked their lives (many unwillingly) in Vietnam, only to be spit on by the masses upon their return.

Although I disagree with this so-called 'War on Terrorism' -- or as I prefer to call it "War on the Other" -- I hold respect for those who choose to fight, for they have the courage of their convictions, even if those convictions disagree with my own. I hold no respect for the Administration behind them, however.

That's my political moment for the day.

Well, how do you do, Private William McBride, 
Do you mind if I sit down here by your graveside? 
And rest for awhile in the warm summer sun, 
I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done. 
And I see by your gravestone you were only 19 
When you joined the glorious fallen in 1916, 
Well, I hope you died quick and I hope you died clean 
Or, Willie McBride, was it slow and obscene? 

Did they Beat the drum slowly, did the play the pipes lowly? 
Did the rifles fir o'er you as they lowered you down? 
Did the bugles sound The Last Post in chorus? 
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest? 

And did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind 
In some loyal heart is your memory enshrined? 
And, though you died back in 1916, 
To that loyal heart are you forever 19? 
Or are you a stranger without even a name, 
Forever enshrined behind some glass pane, 
In an old photograph, torn and tattered and stained, 
And fading to yellow in a brown leather frame? 

The sun's shining down on these green fields of France; 
The warm wind blows gently, and the red poppies dance. 
The trenches have vanished long under the plow; 
No gas and no barbed wire, no guns firing now. 
But here in this graveyard that's still No Man's Land 
The countless white crosses in mute witness stand 
To man's blind indifference to his fellow man. 
And a whole generation who were butchered and damned. 

And I can't help but wonder, no Willie McBride, 
Do all those who lie here know why they died? 
Did you really believe them when they told you "The Cause?" 
Did you really believe that this war would end wars? 
Well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame 
The killing, the dying, it was all done in vain, 
For Willie McBride, it all happened again, 
And again, and again, and again, and again.

Wine labels and shadows from the past

Discovered something yesterday... never read wine labels, they make you do crazy things. I picked up a nice Cabernet Sauvignon from Australia (I'm becoming a wino!) yesterday and read the label, which read 'serve with a nice red peppercorn steak.

My stomach screamed "OHHHHH STEAK!" I don't even eat steak, but I was compelled to go out and purchase one to eat last night. Oh man. Was it ever worth it. Went really well with the wine. They were sooooo right.

Had a visitor from my past life last night (Past life = pre-separation) come by out of the blue, a friend of my ex nephew in law who used to hang out at the boy and my place a lot before we started having babies and stuff. It was an interesting, if slightly uncomfortable visit. It's weird, sometimes I look back at that time in my life (especially before the babies) and it's like I am a thousand light years away, or like i moved away for ten years then came back.

Had a talk with the boy today after I dropped the girls off this morning, and I've come to the conclusion that I may have finally forgiven him. I really just wish the best for him and the GF. I'm not angry at him for leaving anymore, because things are better for all involved now than they could have been had we stayed together. There were some rocky times, that's for sure. But having come to a place in my life where I am settled in my own groove, and he is settled in his, I'm really quite happy with my life, and in some weird way, I have him to thank for it.

If he hadn't of left, I may have never had that push to go and get my schooling, and learn the things i have learned or met all the wonderful people I have met, both online and off.

Sure, I get lonely from time to time. But I have to wonder if occasional loneliness is a small price to pay when I have so much else going for me now. The lonliness will pass, too. Like I said, I have many fantastic friends, who are always there when the late-night quiet gets to be so much. I have my beautiful little girls, who are healthy and happy. I have goals and a roof over my head and my health (most of the time!)

Someone is out there, I'm not so jaded that I've lost all hope. And when that person comes along, that's just gonna be gravy on the feast of my life.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Dismantle Me

Had a fairly decent day today. Last day of classes for the summer, so I am off for about 3 weeks. Had a really nice talk with Joe on the way down to Barrie from Orillia. Fuck I'm gonna miss that guy when he leaves for the military. Definitely one of the most interesting people I have met at school. It's gonna be difficult, that's for sure. But life goes on.

Got myself up the nerve to ask out the Devils fan from the store (see blog from last weekend -- the one where I lose my kids). Went to his place of work just before dinner time -- before the rush -- ordered me a fish and chip combo, and asked who was working in the kitchen, and the waitress told me DF was working so she went and got him.

DF: Hey trouble, how're you doing?
Me: Well I was driving around Barrie, with a hankering for some fish and chips, and I recalled somebody telling me about this little seafood place, so here I am
DF: so what brings you here?
Me: Wanted to ask you something, are you dating anyone
DF: me? nooooo. *shakes head
Me: Would you like to go out sometime?

At which point he told me no, he was staying single, swore off after a particular messy breakup. I told him that was unfortunate but I understand the sentiment. He said he was concentrating on his kid and his job. Fair enough. Sounded reasonable, I didn't get the feeling I was being fed a line or anything.

So, disappointing as that was, I shall live to see another day.

Hung out with Sammi and Krystle tonight, which was cool, a little 'girls' night. Plan was to head to Karaoke at The Simcoe, but when we got there they told me I couldn't come in with my Timmies, so Sammi and I waited outside for Krystle, until a drunk woman (seriously, and it was only 9) came out and accosted us for being on the step of the place, because that was for the 'smokers'. So I said, "fine, I'll have a smoke then." Then we walked around to my car to wait there, because the drunk woman was freakin' me out, but not nearly as much as it did when she came around the corner and started squatting at the side of the building

Sammi: Is that woman peeing on the street?
Me: If she is, she forgot a very important step, cuz she's still got her pants on.
Sammi: Oh god look at the ground. And her ass is wet.
Me: I don't wanna go here anymore.

So we didn't. We hit Starbucks and offended some people with our loud boisterous discussion about hard core porn fetishes. You know, girlie stuff :-P Anyway it was pretty good time. When I got home, I took the bandaid off my stitches, and they started bleeding like a motherfucker, so I drove myself over to the ER to have them inform me that no, I didn't pop any of the stitches, no they aren't infected and no, they probably won't be ready to come out on thursday. Volleyball and swimming amongst other things probably weren't the best idea though. Now it's crazy late, but this was a bloggable sort of day, so I wanted to get it down while it was fresh. Now I go sleepy bye.

P.S. The mosquitos ate me alive Sunday night. It hurts.

Monday, August 7, 2006

My Sister...

...throws the best fucking parties I have ever been to!!

I think the experience of a Nicky party can be summed up in three and a half words:


I didn't partake in the wet naked fun myself, but I had fun taking pictures. 

Which isn't to say that I totally behaved myself, but imma spare the details to protect the innocent, and not so innocent.

Good times, good times.

Thursday, August 3, 2006

This Restless Heart

I've been listening to Metric and reading Chuck Klosterman again. I've discovered that this is a bad combination as I'm finding myself restless and yearning for the open road. 

I'm possibly at another crossroads, and I feel that the next year is going to involve a lot of changes, as old friends move away and new friends are made (hopefully).

I find myself randomly entering addresses into Google Maps and (which has replaced my beloved, if tattered road map of Ontario). I find myself wanting to write and write and write, and converse with strangers in strange places and sleep in my car and swim in lakes off the side of the road.

I think of my favourite book The Watch That Ends the Night and Montreal calls to me for reasons unknown, although I'm sure Montreal of 2006 differs greatly from the Depression era montreal that MacLennan wrote of. But the idea of being in a place where I will only be able to communicate coherently with a certain portion of the population appeals to me. 

I want to document my trip and decide what to do with the finished product. Sell the rights? Destroy it? Lock it up in a safe deposit box, to be opened on the event of my eventual death?

My mother suggests I take my grandmother with me. My grandma is super fun, but I'm not sure how enthusiastic she would be with the neo-bohemian approach that I am considering. That's the problem with being a normally play-it-safe kind of girl... When I want to be spontaneous, I kind of go all out. 

Up until this week I was in a great place for hitting hotels and casinos and playing cards and shopping (which is the kind of vacation I would like to do with my grandma) but this roaming instinct has hit me with all the force of a Mac Truck, and I am feeling the need for isolation and being one with the road and all that rot... meeting interesting characters... having Hunter S Thompson type misadventures (minus the drugs though, but thats just me).

I want to visit places I have heard about in songs by Stompin' Tom or the Tragically hip.

I think I want to write a book.

But that is something for another time, as my children are hungry, and I am soon to find myself awash in dirty dishes and hot dogs and Kraft Dinner.

My domestic reality beckons. As my friend just put it... I should get back to doing the 'Mom' thing.

This Restless Heart, Part Two.

Firstly I gotta say...


OK, so I have mulled over the vacation thing and I'm gonna do the Montreal road trip thing (with stops in Ottawa and Kingston me thinks) on my own (or with any friend who might like to come along and be all hippie beatnick with me), and then when my OSAP comes in September, I'll take Grandma Ruth down to Niagara Falls for some touristy good fun.

Again, have I mentioned how much I miss TV?


Goodbye Norman, you useless waste of flesh.

I'll always have the scar to remember you by.

The Not-So-Italian Job

Just woke up from bizarre dream that was some bizarre cross between the Italian Job and I dunno.. Mean Girls or something. 

I can't describe too much of it, because for some reason my memory of the dream is being neurologically disrupted by random lines from Metric's Police and the Private (or whatever it's called. Thanks Sammi and Lori lol)

I remember something about money and someone putting a stop to 'your precious waterfront project'. Then a lot of stoned teenagers embarking on a high speed chase through downtown toronto, and crashing. Then some chick standing up saying we're gonna do things differently, and starts talking about people she knew in highschool that she made fun of who really just had weird emotional disorders. One was a woman who she had said "had 'Male ______ (Flattery? Fixation?), and wasn't just a 'dyke bitch whore'" Oh yeah, and the Metric playing really loud over the dream.

Back to bed I go.


Oh yeah, power went out here for about 2 hours. Was having August 2003 flashbacks, if you know what I mean.

The Not-So-Italian Job

Just woke up from bizarre dream that was some bizarre cross between the Italian Job and I dunno.. Mean Girls or something. 

I can't describe too much of it, because for some reason my memory of the dream is being neurologically disrupted by random lines from Metric's The Police and The Private (or whatever it's called. Thanks Sammi and Lori.)

I remember something about money and someone putting a stop to 'your precious waterfront project'. Then a lot of stoned teenagers embarking on a high speed chase through downtown Toronto, and crashing. Then some chick standing up saying "We're gonna do things differently!" and starts talking about people she knew in high school that she made fun of who really just had weird emotional disorders. One was a woman who she had said "had 'Male ______ (Flattery? Fixation?), and wasn't just a 'dyke bitch whore'" Oh yeah, and the Metric playing really loud over the dream.

Back to bed I go.


Oh yeah, power went out here for about 2 hours. Was having August 2003 flashbacks, if you know what I mean.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Brain Boogers

If there is any smell in the world that makes me want to yak my breakfast up, it's fresh watermelon.

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Apparently I've posted 6 blogs today. Oh those wacky MySpace techies.

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Need to decide where to go for my vacation. Sam's not going to Halifax now, so if he's not going, Nova Scotia really doesn't hold anything for me. I may still go, I don't know.

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Big scary incineration assignment I thought was due tomorrow, is actually due NEXT Tuesday. Andie gets to sleep tonight.

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It is hot as balls today. But it could be worse. Could be snowing. I'll take this over -30 January temperatures any day.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kittens, and jello. But not in the same bowl.

A slight miscommunication between the boy, his GF and I led resulted in my being unable to locate my children (or their father) this evening when it came time to pick them up. So, naturally the darkest recesses of my mommy brain kicked into overdrive, conjuring up images of MISSING posters featuring my ex and my girls, or bloody car wreckage on the highway after having gone to visit relatives, or my precious girls lying victims (along with the boy and his new fam) of carbon monoxide poisoning in their apartment.

Yeah, turns out they had to work this weekend, but didn't inform me, so after going through many channels I found the number of the new place where the boy is working and then found out where the girls were staying and went to pick them up, safe and sound. Phew.

One bright spot that came out of this particular ordeal is that early in my searching I decided to check the park (at this point I was merely a little peeved, not yet thoroughly freaked out) because Sundays they now have music in the park, and I figured the boy, being the musical sort, might find that a fun excursion to take the girls on.


While I was in the park I ran into a former customer from the convenience store, whom I've had a minor crush on for a while but who I only run into maybe once a year now, who was in the park with his daughter so I got to chat for a minute and in that time we got caught up a bit. I really wanted to ask him out for a coffee sometime, but seeing as I had already mentioned my concern at being unable to locate my kids, I thought that would be inappropriate.

"I can't locate my kids, I'm a little concerned. You wanna go out sometime?"

Yeah. That doesn't fly with me.

I'm feeling all romantic lately, I don't know what it is. Idealistic or something. Yearning to connect with someone on a deeply intimate - both emotionally and physically -- level. It's very pre-occupying. I had the opportunity for some dirty fun time with a former FWB, but I had to be honest and tell him I just wasn't into that anymore. Looking for more than just sex. Not that that isn't fun. It's the waking the next day and still not feeling any better in the larger frame of things that is Not so fun.

I think the events that took place over Pride weekend are still messing with me a bit. That was definitely a case where I fell very hard, very fast, and I am still feeling the reverberations. Top it off, there is a party in two weeks that he is more than likely going to be attending, and I'm not sure how to face him. It's been somewhat easy, with him being in the city and not having to come face to face with him.


Saturday, July 29, 2006

No More Fucking Around

Fuck this "putting back on all the weight I lost last year" thing.


Cruelest irony of all -- As I stood in the change room at Giant Tiger, vainly attempting to struggle into a pair of size 16 dress pants (as I couldn't find an 18), my frustration with my inability to find a simple pair of affordable pinstriped or plaid pants mounting by the second, what song should happen to be playing over the P.A. system?


Almost poetic in it's sadistic humour, isn't it? 

*Shakes fist at heavens CURSE YOU, POETIC JUSTICE!


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I think I need help -or- socio-babble part one.

Sometimes getting woken up suddenly is a good thing, because otherwise I'd probably forget fucked up dreams like this:

I'm at a large pier, swimming with my children. This pier is about 100 feet wide. It's huge. There is an above water rock formation not too far away, similar to the one near Robin's Point where I used to swim. They are at about a 45 degree angle from each other.

The girls are able to swim for some reason, which is good because I'm not paying a whole lot of attention to them, although I am aware enough of their presence to look around every so often to pull one out from under the water (they can swim, but not well, in my dream). Instead I am more fascinated with the fact that the pier and the rock formation are growing ever closer to each other (a concrete pier and a pile of rocks). I look up at one point to realize that we are in a large water filled room, with red walls, still containing the rocks and the pier but now they are significantly smaller.

I notice Tierney just under the water struggling to emerge, so I yank her out of the water, coughing and sputtering. Then the water, pier, and rocks are gone and have been replaced by a large dome tent, although we are still in the red room. The tent takes up most of the room. I am sitting on one side, the children are playing, running in and out of the tent, and I can see on the other side of the tent, K (the ex-hubby's ex) and her kids are sitting against the wall, watching the girls play. I am very uncomfortable with this. Trying to be nonchalant, I say 'Okay girls, we're going to clean up now' and they disappear. As I start dismantling the tent, K and her kids get up to leave, she says something to her middle child as they leave, but I don't remember because I am noticing her hair is curlier than usual, almost like black hair.

I finish taking the tent down and I walk into another room, this one empty and beige. The Boy (read: ex-hubby) is in the room with Reagan (I don't seem bothered by the fact that I don't know where Tierney is) We small talk chit chat, apparently he is teaching Reagan to play guitar. There is again no furniture in the room, so he is seated, leaning against the wall, and Reegs is standing. I mention, hesistantly, that K had been there, and saw the girls. He nods and says that he saw her when they came through. I then notice a guitar on the ground and pick it up to notice that the neck has been broken right off. I show this to him and he laughs.

Next I am what looks like my nanny's house in Bancroft, in the living room. My mother is placing Knicknacks and lamps and candles around the room. As she busies around, she is advising me that if I get a Sears catalogue (she has to say 'Sears catalogue' about 6 times before I understand her, there are a few other people in the room, chatting loudly) that I can order some light. Confused I look around at all the lamps and candles in the room, and I can't for the life of me figure out what she is talking about but I nod and wink conspiratorially to her.

I am looking around the room for improvements that can be made, or things that can be taken away and my mother has embarked on making little place card type things with inspirational messages on them from the computer, and is placing them carefully on the windowsill. In the dream, this all seems like normal, if slightly irritating, behavior for my mom.

Next I am downtown midland, there is some kind of festival going on, I'm walking down the street with Aditya (new friend I just made). He sees a girl inside of one of the stores who is wearing a large rainbow flag. He mentions that he likes her and I say "So what are you waiting for?? Go talk to her" and with superhuman strength I literally throw him at her. 

Meanwhile I browse the magazine section of the store, and there are all these underground comics, tattoo magazines and a lot of occult-themed publications. I leave the store I walk up the street towards the library, where there is some kind of ritual or something taking place. There are many people around wearing purple shawls and covered in glittery stuff. There is a large pyre burning, about four feet tall with billowing black smoke. My dad handed me a purple shawl, and I put it on, and I swear the thing weighed 50 pounds. I am told by another guy that I have to get oiled up (which I am assuming is what the glittery stuff). I am aware that this other guy is my stepfather, which is odd because I have no recollection of my parents being divorced.

He guides me over to a booth where there are tubes of glitter laid out on a table, and proceeds to start rubbing the stuff on me, in some rather personal areas. I'm thinking OMG WTF. but strangely a little aroused too (BTW this guy has no resemblance to anyone I know IRL). He leaves and as I am putting the stuff on my arms, I telepathically contact Melissa (I told you this was a weird dream) and say "Dude, I totally have to tell you something." My 'stepfather' comes back and then phone rings and I wake up.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucked up I think.


So I went to see Clerks 2 last night with Jay, John, John's GF Camilla (?) and Jay's friend Adi. Good times. Not Kevin Smiths best work, but still worth seeing. Thought it was a better wrap-up to the Jersey Saga of movies than Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was. Some parts were funny as hell, some parts were over the top gross (Kinky Kelly for example), some parts were really over the top emotional, which is a departure for KS.

It got me thinking though about how you rarely see movies portray really deep, emotionally intimate friendships between men though. Although there are tons of buddy movies, the relationships, although lasting, seem really shallow. I give Kevin Smith credit for showing that in his films (even if he does use the homoerotic slant for cheap laughs). Come to think of it, he did it with Holden and Banky in Chasing Amy, and even with Ollie and his Dad in Jersey Girl. I haven't seen many movies show deep friendships between men since the Odd Couple.

When we watched the movie "Tough Guise" in Women and Pop culture -- which by the way, if you can get your hands on this movie watch it, it's fascinating -- There is an overlaying theme of men being isolated loners, with little emotional connection to anyone. Which is not real life, but could become so, since we learn from TV, movies and music more than anything now. But in real life, guys do have lasting emotional friendships, I've seen it on more than one occasion. Movies tend to portray male relationships as based on getting drunk/high having adventures and chasing pussy. Or as a dominant/submissive superhero/sidekick type thing. (Although the Tick and Arthur had an interesting relationship)

So yeah, I'm done my socio-babble for now. This is an interesting topic I think though. I'm thinking now I may start researching. If they bring the fourth year to Barrie maybe I could do my thesis on Male relationships in movies and television. I could go back to the old Crosby/Sinatra 'road to...." movies through to today.


Monday, July 24, 2006

Musical Kryptonite.

Okay it sounds weird, but if someone were to sing this for me, I would be powerless against it -- I would be theirs forever (not counting those who have access to this blog... that's just cheating.) It's such a sweet love song, even if a little morbid

The Ghosts That Haunt Me

There's a skeleton in everybody's closet
I can think of one or two in my own room
But I would like to introduce them both to you
You'd shake their bony hands and so dispel the gloom

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd chase away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear they wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels

There are nights when all my aching bones won't let me sleep
Demons come to plague me as I lie in bed
But I know if you were sleeping there beside me then
You would fend them off and they would let me rest

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd send away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear just wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels

There are nights when the wind comes out to my old place
I have dreams yeah I wake up with the sweat pouring down my face
and I wait 'til the morning comes

There will come a time I feel when all my days are done
They will come collect my corpse and bury me
But I hope that you'll come over to the other side
Join me in our new life, keep me company

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd send away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear just wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels


In other news: There's getting to be a ridiculously high hot dog cart to people ratio in Midland. Apparently we are competing to become the 'street meat' capital of the world?

Going to see Clerks 2 tomorrow night. Looking forward to it!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ill-gotten booty.

The laws of probability were on my side tonight.

I won a whole bunch of shit at karaoke tonight. Including THIS:


(it's what happens when you karaoke on prize night, when it's dead and then sing about a half dozen songs or more. There were maybe 5 non-staff singers. My odds were amazing.)

Happy Andie.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Tasty tidbits.

I've been driving around without my insurance information handy. Oops.


I JUST remembered today that I have a take-home exam that needs to be done by Tuesday morning. Since tomorrow is Nanny's birthday, and Monday is grocery day, I guess that means my day today is pretty much planned. Gah. I hate spur of the moment essays, even if they are only three pages. Can't wait to pass Enviro-Sci and never have to take another science course again.



I've come to the realization that I have an irrational fear of people thinking I am trying to take advantage of them. I think it goes back years when one of my 'friends' moms allegedly called me a mooch. Ever since then, I worry that people are going to think I'm using them for stuff. That's why I never ask anyone for anything.

Came to this the other day when I ran into a friend I haven't really talked in a long time invited me to come over a swim. Now I feel weirded out if I call, because it may be construed that that is the reason, when in actual fact, I just used to really enjoy hanging out with that person.

Yes. I am a little neurotic.


I have to clean my car today. It's really really gross. Still need to figure out how I'm going to fix the ceiling as well (see Pride day blog).


Went Karaoke legioning with the parentals last night (I know sammi, I didn't call you. Call me in the next day or two because I think we are going to karaoke on wednesday if you can get yourself up to midland you are welcome to come!)

My parents incredibly drunk friend kept putting his arm around me while his wife gave me dirty looks. Uncomfortable. Cue impromptu 'pee' break (read: Get me the fuck away from these people). *shudders

I kick ass at Led Zepplin (new KDJ's had Ramble on. Happy Andie. But only two Tragically Hip songs. Slightly Disgruntled Andie)


 Hit Wasaga Beach on Thursday with Dan and the girls. Had a good laugh at the fact that people's assumption that he is 'with' me and my kids, makes his ogling of women on the beach not just lecherous, but particularily detestable. And makes me a clueless doormat.
In the eyes of others, I mean.

I got sunburnt on the backs of my calves and on my cleavage.


My allergies are bugging the shite out of me.


Last night after dropping the girls off I sat and played my guitar until the pain was too excruciating to even touch the fretboard, and I had to stick my fingers in frigid water between songs. What a thrilling feeling. My callouses are coming back. I'm almost ready to try playing in public again.

There's an Open Mike night at the coffee shop downtown tonight. If I'm done my essay, or at least have a good chunk of it done, I'm gonna go check it out. Don't know if I'm gonna play or not, but at least I have one or two songs I can do well, and all the way through. I'm gonna take the guitar with me and see what happens. 

Get so nervous. The last time I played in public (read: on a stage. Campfires are different) I fucked up pretty bad. Mind you, that was about 7 years ago.

7 Years? Holy shit.


Because I'm feeling cheesy, I feel like posting a poem I wrote a while back. If you all like it, cool. If not, meh. Whatever.


I remember like it was yesterday
The diamond lights
Stretched shadows across the park
The night settled in
We played Hide and Seek in the dark
Not quite children now
We held on to our freedom
Pushing back our adult selves
As the twilight pushed back the sun
We hid in the trees
Drank beer behind the community centre
Took off our shirts when the summer heat 
Drenched us in cool sweat
Running into the bushes when
the cops came
And we laughed at how it screamed
we're up to no good
Changing letters on advertising signs
Risque messages left for passers-by
The police still circling, circling
As if to say 'move along'
But there is nothing here to see

we're still hiding in the trees.

Thursday, July 6, 2006

Bagel Commandos!!!

My room-mate Dan is a fucking nut-job (I mean that in a positive way) but it makes for some fun times.

So I'm in the middle of cooking some chicken Tuesday night for an absolutely spectacular pesto-mozza-chicken sandwich, when I open up the bagels that I had bought the day before only to realize they are mouldy. Was I ever pissed. as my chicken is just about ready and honestly, whole wheat bread is not going to do it for a sandwich of this caliber. So it's 8:40 and the grocery store (whose name I will not mention, but lets just say it rhymes with MoodBasics) closes at 9. so I tell Dan to bring his soup with him if he wants a ride uptown (he was heading to a friends place).

So we get to the store at about 8:59 and the IN doors are locked. SO what does Dan do? He forces his way in through the out door. Meanwhile the cashier is shaking her head, as he goes through the second doors telling her to get her supervisor... I am holding up my mouldy bagels as he is holding, nay wielding the fork he had brought with him to eat his dinner.

I got to exchange my bagels, to say the least. Will I be able to shop at said grocery store again? We'll see. I won't be going to that one cashiers till anytime soon.


Hit Shanana's for Karaoke last night with Nicky, some of the Nana's staff, Cromsie and Dan. Good times. Busy but not too busy so I gots to sing a lot. Did the following:

Green day - Holiday
Tragically Hip - Little bones
Meatloaf - Paradise by the dashboard light (with Cromsie... song has new meaning when sung by two chicks)
Van Morrison - Moondance
Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

Good times, got some good pictures which I should upload soon so's I can email them to Nicky


MELISSA IS HERE! well, her flight got in not too long ago, she should be hitting her parents place anytime now. YAY!!

Sunday, July 2, 2006

War wounds (or 'look what the fucking bloodthinners did to me')

SO yeah, I went camping at my friend Jen's cottage last night. Drank too much. (a mickey of vodka, over my tolerance level). There was karaoke as well as a few guitars and I guess the combination of vodka, anticoagulants and my enthusiastic knee-slapping appreciation of good music resulted in a ridiculous amount of bruising.

That's from me keeping time with the music. Okay so I was a little over-exuberant, but shit... bruising?

Not only that but as I was walking along the rocky shore after three hours sleep (got to watch the sun coming up I did -- got to bed at 5:30 and by 8 am it was too bloody hot to sleep in the tent) to look for a nice low-traffic place to vomit, my sandal strap came open and i killed my knee on a friggin rock. AND last night the beam that was holding up the tarp fell down and hit me on the arm.

I'm a menace to myself I tells ya.

I'm going to go back to bed for a while, supposed to go to another party tonight.

Happy belated Canada day everyone.

Post Script: So... did a little internet search, and as it turns out, alcohol and anticoagulants are a bad mix. Forgot about that. Well then, no more rounds for me thanks.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Wow, I remember

Since I so rarely remember my dreams any more I wanted to get this one down.

I'm in a large hospital/school/industrial complex type place. I'm lying in a hospital bed, and there are a number of doctors and nurses attending to someone in a bed across from me, and no one can access the elevator. I have the distinct feeling that the person they are working on is dying, despite the fact that the doctors and nurses are laughing and carrying on as they work. Finally I leave my bed and, having given up on the elevator, I sneak out of a second door.

I've made my way to this lake which sits right outside the complex which is very large and foreboding on the outside. It has a look of an old-time insane asylum, the type you see in horror movies. The lake doubles as some kind of huge virtual reality shooting game and I have decided to skip to the final level. However I discover as targets pop up rapidly around me, that skipping levels was a bad idea, as I clearly lack the proper firearm for this particular level. My semi-automatic handgun does not have the rapid-fire capabilities necessary. Treading water, I laugh as I attempt to hit all the targets any way.

The water recedes to an image on my television, and I am in a living room with my dad, but I am under the impression that I am married to him, and I am pondering why I can't muster up any attraction to him. Then I clue in that he is my DAD, and laugh at my silliness. Then my ex-husband is in the room, my dad leaves, and the boy and I are discussing reasons why things didn't work out. I am speaking to him in a calm rational manner, and he is agreeing emphatically.

I am once again in the lake, in my clothes. My shirt is waterlogged, but for unknown reasons my pants are staying relatively dry. I swim out to a distant area of the lake, and encounter two young, somewhat awkward boys in their late teens floating on a water mattress, smoking a joint. They offer me some, but imagining myself trying to swim back to shore while stoned, I politely decline, and swim back to shore, with them following me.

Back in the complex which has taken on a mall-like appearance, I am going through the mall, stripping off my wet clothes as I go. Although I realize the risk I am taking wandering through the place like this, I'm not terribly concerned, nor do I feel exposed. I am more concerned with the fact that I am wet, than with the fact that I am now half naked. As I am wandering, trying to make my way back to my room to change, I run into Elsa a girl I used to work with, Patricia from school and my sister. Elsa is there as I rummage through a rack of clothing, picking out a pink chiffony type tank. I get into line to sign out my clothes, and my sister informs me that I seem to have some friends. the young guys from the lake are directly behind us in line.

I go to leave along with Nicky, and at this point I am exasperated and ask them to please move so I can leave, then side-mouth a comment about committing some violent act against these two (perhaps involving a large piece of wood with a nail stuck in it) in order to make them move. Nicky looks at me in shock and says "I didn't tell you that story did I?" She then proceeds to launch into an anecdote about her partying days. We somehow shift from topics to discussing That 70's Show and the characters we enjoyed. It is at this point I become acutely aware that I have the song "I am Anastasia" by Sponge stuck in my head, and have for quite a while now. I shout out some quotes from Caroline, Fez's crazy girlfriend, ending with "THIS...ISN'T... OVER" quite loudly. My giggles subside as I realize that I was indeed very loud and that people are looking at me with concern. I blush and walk on as though nothing has happened.

We pass through a door, and as I am jumping down a couple of large embankments, that have some rusted metal holding them up, I comment on how the show went to hell after Topher Grace left. I look around realizing Nicky is no longer with me.

Then I woke up. I go back to bed now.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

A Hazard to myself

Hit the Big city of T.O. today, so I could attend the family reunion committee meeting for planning the Campbell reunion. This is year number 78. I got voted in for V.P. which means I show up and look pretty. No, just kidding, I have to go hunting for the next couple of months for raffle prizes, preferably Campbell or Scotland related then sell raffle tickies at the reunion. I'm also gonna look into setting up some kind of campbell reunion website for birth announcements, stuff like that, try to attract more numbers to future reunions, also to gather information to possibly put out a 2nd edition of the Campbell book, considering the old one is only updated to 1982.

Had fun trying to navigate my way from my SIL's place to Aunt Clara's, the first time I have been in downtown Toronto since I got my license. Only ran one red, and wound up wrong way on a one way street at one point.

See some funny shit in the city. Saw a restaurant called the "Love Cafe" and there was a sign out from hawking "Juicy Sexy Burgers". Funniest friggin' thing I have ever seen.

It was unnerving all the honking, what with the World Cup fever going on. It took me a while before I realized it wasn't people honking at my driving.

I saw the real Degrassi street. When I go down there in two weeks I wanna go back and get my pic taken under the street sign. Gawd, I'm such a hick.

I'm ass-tired now, gonna go to bed, later.

More earth shattering (mostly rhetorical) questions

Does wanting to knock my children's heads together make me a bad mother?

How come when you wipe up oatmeal with a dishcloth, no matter how many times you rinse it out, it continues to be slimy until the next laundry day?

Why do I feel like I am being ignored by an entire gender?


Why is there a cosmic force hell bent on screwing me financially at every turn? was I a swindler in my past life and this is Karma doing her part to kick me in the box?


Question of the day is...

Can somebody please tell me why Dave Mustaine is on Duck Dodgers? Yes, THAT Dave Mustaine. From Megadeth. On Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century.

Am I the only one who finds that bizarre? Of all the possible obscure celebrity guests imaginable they pick.... Dave Mustaine? For a children's show? What's next? Is Axl gonna do a guest spot on Sesame Street?

I think this is gonna be a weird day.


So, once again, my car has become my hair-shirt. Coming home yesterday, car is getting all wobbly around the 40k mark, and doesn't seem to want to accelerate much at all. Take it to the wee little gas station in Apto and the general 'hanging around the gas station' consensus is...

Catalytic Converter. No gauges came on, and my transmission fluid, coolant and oil were all up to snuff, and water in the gas tank was ruled out.

Soooo today I am gonna call around to car parts dealers to get an idea how much this shite is gonna run me, if that indeed is what it is. Gonna try to avoid driving anywhere until I get it fixed on Monday.


Oh yeah, my top two wisdom teeth have gotta come out. Gonna run around 1100 bucks. Gah. Between that and the car, I'm thinking there's some cosmic force, some money god, that does NOT want me to go to Nova Scotia this summer.

Well Screw you Cosmic Forces! (whoooo, THAT was probably not the brightest thing I could have said.)


Some bright news in the financial department though, I got an email saying there was a cheque waiting for me in the financial aid office, one that I was totally not expecting, I think now that it's an extension on the Canada Study Grant (maybe from the strike).

600 bucks. I love random, out-of-nowhere money.

And 'Harper's hundreds' start next month I think, so that'll be an extra 200 bucks a month that I can put straight into savings. 

Scrapping the National Daycare plan and implementing a childcare allowance in it's place?
Bad for the country, but fucking AWESOME FOR ME! (still think Harper is an idiot for scrapping the plan, but who am I to turn down 200 bucks a month?) Feel kind of bad for those people who's kids are on waiting lists still.


Nineteen more sleeps until Melissa is Here!! WHEEE!


Next weekend is gonna be frickin' crazy. Gotta write a final on friday in Sociology of Aging (got my presentation done for that class, I hate public speaking), then I am driving down to Toronto, meeting my friend Simon who I haven't seen for 9 years for a drink, then meeting Sam and Ian at Ian's place so we can do the Pride Day Bar Crawl. I have been informed to be prepared to see some fucked up shit. 

Yay Pride day.

THEN, the next day, Me, Sam, Ian and Ian's cat are driving out to Harriston (about 2 hour drive) to attend a bush party. 

Then it's getting everyone home again on Sunday. Whoa eh?

Anyway, so that's me at the moment. Craziness.

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Please don't poke the bear.

Fuck, am I ever in a foul mood today. It's seems like the kids have done nothing but whine all day (I'm trying to get them to take a nap but thus far it's not working).

My love life is in the fucking shitter. More accurately, it's in those big fucking toxic waste barrels buried under the fucking Love Canal, and is too busy giving little children chemical burns to bother sending a little lovin' my way. GAH FUCK.

Not to mention stupid online drama. What a bunch of bullshit. 

I would seriously garrote someone or shove icepicks under their fingernails for a goddamned cigarette right now.

And yes. I'm 25 and reading Harriet the Spy. I'm full of fucking child-like wonder OKAY??


It seems I've been giving out the wrong cell number for the past two weeks.  Durr.  Incidentally, it turns out that the guy that's been getting my calls went to school with my dad.  Small world eh?

My children are odd.  The oldest was singing "The twelve days of christmas" Today.  More bizarrely, yesterday was "Hava Nagila".  I'm still wondering where she picked that up.  They're funny as hell.  As it turns out, Tierney hasn't been sleeping well, so that explains some of the crankiness on the part of both children, since I can assume if Tierney is up, then so is Reegs.  I feel pretty bad now, but we had a nice cuddle and talk this morning, so I think next week will be a better week.  I love those kids, sometimes I wish I was more maternal though.

I'm sitting in the Library at school, trying to decide on what to do tonight.  Think I am supposed to be watching a movie once the library closes.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

We are now entering hour 37 of the standoff...

Cripes, my kids are stubborn. I told them yesterday that if their room didn't get cleaned we wouldn't go outside. They were in there until bedtime, not cleaning. So I said "then you're going to get up tomorrow, and same deal, no playtime until it's done." So it's nap time and although there has been a significant improvement, it's still not done. But they need naps so they can keep up the strength of protest I suppose. 

So, Friday before last my brakes on my car were starting to fail, fortunately I had made a good judgement call and took the car to the mechanic instead of attempting the trip to Barrie, which was good because by the time I got to the shop they were all but giving out on me *PHEW*. So that was another 300 bucks to get fixed, needed read brake lines, new calipers, and some rod was broken.

Went to a party in Barrie saturday night at a friend of a friends place, which eventually ended up downtown for Promenade days (read: bars with no cover). Jenny, Bob and Jorge left me in Fitzys after I decided to take a little nap in the bathroom (gah, embarassing, first and last time I ever do THAT!). Some little Greek guy had been hitting on me so they assumed that I had taken off with him. Nope I had decided to cozy up to the porcelain God instead. Damnable vodka shots. I need to remember what a friggin' lightweight I am.

We had Tierney's birthday party on the Monday, which went well, no casualties, although I did manage to lock the keys to the common room in the common kitchen, then lock myself out of the building when I went to look for the super. Instead of doing the logical thing and getting one of the other adults to buzz me in, I knock on my friend Sue's door (she has a walk-out) and get her to let me in.

Another thing that was fortunate was that there wasn't total awkwardness, considering the baby-daddy and his GF were there, as well as my whole family, including the grandmothers. It was the first time they had all been together in over 3 and a half years. Thankfully for the sake of the girls we all know how to be civil, even *gasp* friendly with each other.

Went and got my hair cut and coloured yesterday, it's red on top and dark dark brown underneath, the cut is just a trim. I am seriously going to make an effort to keep up with the upkeep. I splurged (as if a professional colour wasn't splurging enough) on some salon shampoo and conditioner, since my hair is dead as fuck. I was gonna get blue instead of red, but that would involve bleaching and (am I ever glad they checked) since I had been using Thermasilk I ran the risk of frying my hair the second they put the bleach on. I'm talking, my head would have started smoking. Crazy. THAT would have been upsetting.

I started working on a collage of my closest friends last night, I'm looking forward to seeing how that turns out. Not much else to report.