You deserve a day to yourself.
A day where you sleep in.
A day where you get up early, before everyone else, and enjoy the silence.
A day where the dishes don't get done.
A day where you don't wear pants. A day where you don't wear anything at all.
A day where you play video games for six hours.
A day where you lounge in the bathtub until the water gets cold and you start to nod off, narrowly avoiding dropping your book into the water.
A day where you burn a tank of gas without a destination in mind.
A day where you don't leave the house.
A day where the kids have cereal for dinner.
A day where you eat off paper plates.
A day where you don't see or talk to people.
A day where you say "Sorry, I have other plans," even if those plans are playing videogames in your underwear.
A day where you turn off your phone.
A day where you turn a blind eye to dust bunnies, and circles on the coffee table.
A day where you don't beat yourself up for not living life to its fullest if all you want to do that day is marathon episodes Orphan Black.
You deserve a day off.
(Sometimes I need this reminder. I hope you find it helpful, too.)
Showing posts with label captain obvious to the rescue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label captain obvious to the rescue. Show all posts
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Daniel Tosh is not being censored.
A day late, a buck short, I know. This is all old news by now. Whatevs, brah.
But I couldn't let this one pass.
Daniel Tosh, the so-called 'comedian' that I fully admit I hadn't really known of or paid any attention until this week, got called out at one of his shows for saying rape jokes are funny.
For the record, they're not.
He responded by making what have has been interpreted by some as a not-so-veiled threat and by others as a joke. I'm kind of in the threat camp on this one.
So as it happens, this girls post has gone viral and a bunch of people have called Tosh an asshole, and a bunch of people have come to his defence, claiming free speech etc etc.
People, I cannot stress this enough.
Criticism is not Censorship.
Saying "Don't be an asshole," is not Censorship.
Saying "This thing you said, it's shitty and hurts people" is not Censorship.
Criticism is not Censorship.
Saying "I'm not coming to your performances or watching your show any more, you rape-apologizing, unfunny assbag." is not censorship.
Telling sponsors and advertisers "Hey, I'm going to stop using your services or buying your products if you keep giving money to this rape-apologizing, unfunny assbag," is not censorship.
Bringing attention to the actions of an unfunny, rape-apologizing assbags through various medium and suggesting that "Hey, maybe supporting unfunny rape-apologizing assbags is bullshit really fucking hurtful and erases victims and perpetuates a culture where rape is normalized and acceptable and seen as a joke," is not censorship.
Criticism is not Censorship.
To the best of my knowledge, no one is advocating jailing, deporting or otherwise sanctioning Daniel Tosh. Governing bodies have not stepped in and taken away his show. If I'm wrong, then yes, that is censorship.
But the same people who are saying that we are taking away Daniel Tosh's right to be an asshole free speech are silencing the victims, or potential victims who are trying to say "Hey, that shit is not funny."
But I couldn't let this one pass.
Daniel Tosh, the so-called 'comedian' that I fully admit I hadn't really known of or paid any attention until this week, got called out at one of his shows for saying rape jokes are funny.
For the record, they're not.
He responded by making what have has been interpreted by some as a not-so-veiled threat and by others as a joke. I'm kind of in the threat camp on this one.
After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…”I've laughed at some pretty wrong and fucked up stuff in my time, and this didn't even make me giggle a bit. Not even in that "omigod-i-so-shouldn't-be-laughing-at-this-I'm-a-bad-person-and-obviously-going-to-hell" way.
So as it happens, this girls post has gone viral and a bunch of people have called Tosh an asshole, and a bunch of people have come to his defence, claiming free speech etc etc.
People, I cannot stress this enough.
Criticism is not Censorship.
Saying "Don't be an asshole," is not Censorship.
Saying "This thing you said, it's shitty and hurts people" is not Censorship.
Criticism is not Censorship.
Saying "I'm not coming to your performances or watching your show any more, you rape-apologizing, unfunny assbag." is not censorship.
Telling sponsors and advertisers "Hey, I'm going to stop using your services or buying your products if you keep giving money to this rape-apologizing, unfunny assbag," is not censorship.
Bringing attention to the actions of an unfunny, rape-apologizing assbags through various medium and suggesting that "Hey, maybe supporting unfunny rape-apologizing assbags is bullshit really fucking hurtful and erases victims and perpetuates a culture where rape is normalized and acceptable and seen as a joke," is not censorship.
Criticism is not Censorship.
To the best of my knowledge, no one is advocating jailing, deporting or otherwise sanctioning Daniel Tosh. Governing bodies have not stepped in and taken away his show. If I'm wrong, then yes, that is censorship.
But the same people who are saying that we are taking away Daniel Tosh's right to
Friday, February 10, 2012
Your vocabulary lesson for the day.
The English language is a complex tapestry of varying rules of grammar, spelling and uses. Individual words can hold multitudes of meanings and evolve over generations. Sometimes those meanings can evolve into ones that are hurtful and silencing. We have control over this and we can keep words from being hurtful by not using them in damaging contexts.
Words mean things.
I can't believe we're still having this conversation but here goes:
When you say something is gay when you really mean stupid, you are equating gay with stupid. It paints gayness as a negative trait, and it's not. Full stop. When you use this, you are insulting and marginalizing an entire group of people. Same with retarded. Hell, even same with lame.
Using the word stupid all the time gets boring, I know. And these can be difficult linguistic habits to break (believe me.. I've stuck my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion... Right Danno?
So for your convenience, here is a handy list of words that can be used in place of stupid that DON'T serve to marginalized entire groups of people for no good reason.
Stupid
Ridiculous
Ludicrous
Lacking common sense
Illogical
Inane
Nonsensical
Foolish
Sophomoric
Absurd
fucked up beyond comprehension
Horrendous
Preposterous
Banal
Vapid
Unimaginative
Unoriginal
Pedestrian
Laughable
Pointless
Puerile
Of course, some of these are better suited to some contexts more than others. This isn't even a comprehensive list. Your Thesaurus has all these and more. I hear they even have em online now.
Yeah. You're welcome.
My readers are helpful. See also:
Insipid
Stupidiotic
Feel free to add suggestions in the comments.
Words mean things.
I can't believe we're still having this conversation but here goes:
When you say something is gay when you really mean stupid, you are equating gay with stupid. It paints gayness as a negative trait, and it's not. Full stop. When you use this, you are insulting and marginalizing an entire group of people. Same with retarded. Hell, even same with lame.
Using the word stupid all the time gets boring, I know. And these can be difficult linguistic habits to break (believe me.. I've stuck my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion... Right Danno?
So for your convenience, here is a handy list of words that can be used in place of stupid that DON'T serve to marginalized entire groups of people for no good reason.
Stupid
Ridiculous
Ludicrous
Lacking common sense
Illogical
Inane
Nonsensical
Foolish
Sophomoric
Absurd
fucked up beyond comprehension
Horrendous
Preposterous
Banal
Vapid
Unimaginative
Unoriginal
Pedestrian
Laughable
Pointless
Puerile
Of course, some of these are better suited to some contexts more than others. This isn't even a comprehensive list. Your Thesaurus has all these and more. I hear they even have em online now.
Yeah. You're welcome.
My readers are helpful. See also:
Insipid
Stupidiotic
Feel free to add suggestions in the comments.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Conversations with my (sister's) kid: names and sounds.
My youngest nephew is three. I watched him tonight.
Playing with a see-and-say type toy:
Me: ..and what's that?
E: mmm. Sheep!
Me: and what sound does a sheep make?
E: umm. Sheep sounds?
Later I register that he is addressing me by name:
E: Auntie, look!
Me: awwwh, you called me auntie!
E: (looking puzzled) yes. Yes I did. (pause) you name is auntie, right?
Me: yeah buddy.
E: (looking mildly relieved) 'Kay.
Playing with a see-and-say type toy:
Me: ..and what's that?
E: mmm. Sheep!
Me: and what sound does a sheep make?
E: umm. Sheep sounds?
Later I register that he is addressing me by name:
E: Auntie, look!
Me: awwwh, you called me auntie!
E: (looking puzzled) yes. Yes I did. (pause) you name is auntie, right?
Me: yeah buddy.
E: (looking mildly relieved) 'Kay.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
On the subject of boundaries and courtesy.
Read a post on Feministe today about an advice column on Slate.com that questioned what to do when your seat-mate on a flight pulls out a lap-top and starts watching hard-core porn during the flight. The letter-writer in this case was a grandmother travelling with her daughter and small grandchild.
Not surprisingly, a lot of people's response was "Oh hell, no. Call the flight attendant on that shit," because that's a pretty blatant broach of other passengers' personal boundaries, natch. Regardless of the age of your seatmates, I would think it's safe to say this is never cool.
If you're ever wondering if it's appropriate to watch porn on an airplane, well, unless you are chartering your own private jet, one should usually err on the side of "Porn on an airplane? What the hell is wrong with you?"
A few people asked the question 'Okay, well where do you draw the line? What if it's not porn per se, but a movie or show the occasional scene of graphic sex or violence such as Dexter (which I use as an example, because it generally has a fair amount of both and I'm not really familiar with a lot of other shows).
It's hard to draw a line in the sand, because different people have different tolerance levels and are triggered by different things - imagine if you will, having trauma-related PTSD and finding yourself with a seatmate watching a movie with a graphic rape scenes like The Accused or Precious.
I'm not sure about everyone else, but if it were me, I'd rather go a couple hours on a plane keeping my viewing at a PG-13 level or lower, than ask someone who may be easily triggered to just get the hell over it and let me watch my movie in peace, especially when considering that in most economy flights, you're practically sitting on your seat-mate's lap.
But where to draw the line? What can be considered acceptable and what is not? It's virtually impossible to tell these days what one may find acceptable for public viewing and what one may not.. especially if you get kids involved. (Again, if it's porn on a plane, just don't.)
What surprises me is how few people consider simply asking their seat mate "Hey, I was thinking of watching this movie but it's kind of graphic in parts. Would it bother you if I watched it?" Worst case scenario, seat-mate might actually say "Actually I'd really appreciate if you didn't." Or they may say it's okay but decide since you have spoken to them that they want to be your bestie now and chat you up when all you want to do is watch your movie.
In the name of courtesy though, I'd be willing to take that risk.
As a society we seem to be developing a phobia of actually talking to people and creating dialogue. We'd rather draw hard and fast lines of etiquette in the sand than actually reaching out to each other and creating dialogues around personal boundaries. Respecting one's boundaries is a way of being empathetic.. to say "Hey, I get it, you're not cool with this and I respect that."
Another post having to do with boundaries I found interesting was in regards to not forcing children to hug and kiss relatives and friends at Christmastime or other gatherings. We've all known a kid that doesn't like to hug or be hugged, and it's common for such a child to be admonished for being rude to not accept hugs and kisses from family members. However, in trying to prevent abuse it is important to teach a child that their body is their own and that no one is allowed to touch it without permission. So I think it would stand to reason that it might be confusing to a child to encourage bodily autonomy while simultaneously say 'but you still have to kiss Grandma'.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think rudeness is acceptable and if my kid refused to hug or kiss someone, I'd let them know that they still have to say hello or thank you or the appropriate acknowledgement.. but if they don't want to be hugged, that's okay. Some people are very uncomfortable being touched.. whether it is tied into psychological issue or a physical issue - some are very sensitive to touch and it can be over-stimulating.
Respecting a kids boundaries also teaches them to understand and respect the boundaries of others. Paying attention and respecting a child's boundaries can also help a parent be aware of issues. My oldest daughter, as a toddler/preschooler was ridiculously affectionate.. WITH EVERYBODY. She even wanted hugs from strangers.. anyone who made eye contact with her, pretty much.
I remember her running up to an elderly lady pushing a walker and exclaiming 'Up! up!'. Another time in a bank, she ran up to a young boy who was probably no older than eleven or twelve and threw her little arms around his legs. This poor kid looked like he was going to die of embarassment on the spot.
Being such an affectionate little thing, I paid attention when she didn't want someone to hug her.
There was a time when the ex-hub and now-wife had some company over including one or two people they didn't know. My usually exuberantly affectionate preschooler refused to give this one guy the time of day. Instead of vying to have attention lavished on her, she quietly guided her sisters into another room, away from the company. I don't know the details, but this one guest ended up later saying things to now-wife that had crossed a few of her boundaries and left her quite upset. I have little doubt that T. picked up some kind of vibe from this guy.
I think small kids can have the ability to read adults better than we can of each other, because they have not yet been socialized into prejudices about different people, and may be able to better follow their instincts when it comes to getting 'bad vibes' from someone.
Just like we should listen to those around us in order to show courtesy and respect boundaries, with kids while there are times to teach, there are also times to listen.
Not surprisingly, a lot of people's response was "Oh hell, no. Call the flight attendant on that shit," because that's a pretty blatant broach of other passengers' personal boundaries, natch. Regardless of the age of your seatmates, I would think it's safe to say this is never cool.
If you're ever wondering if it's appropriate to watch porn on an airplane, well, unless you are chartering your own private jet, one should usually err on the side of "Porn on an airplane? What the hell is wrong with you?"
A few people asked the question 'Okay, well where do you draw the line? What if it's not porn per se, but a movie or show the occasional scene of graphic sex or violence such as Dexter (which I use as an example, because it generally has a fair amount of both and I'm not really familiar with a lot of other shows).
It's hard to draw a line in the sand, because different people have different tolerance levels and are triggered by different things - imagine if you will, having trauma-related PTSD and finding yourself with a seatmate watching a movie with a graphic rape scenes like The Accused or Precious.
I'm not sure about everyone else, but if it were me, I'd rather go a couple hours on a plane keeping my viewing at a PG-13 level or lower, than ask someone who may be easily triggered to just get the hell over it and let me watch my movie in peace, especially when considering that in most economy flights, you're practically sitting on your seat-mate's lap.
But where to draw the line? What can be considered acceptable and what is not? It's virtually impossible to tell these days what one may find acceptable for public viewing and what one may not.. especially if you get kids involved. (Again, if it's porn on a plane, just don't.)
What surprises me is how few people consider simply asking their seat mate "Hey, I was thinking of watching this movie but it's kind of graphic in parts. Would it bother you if I watched it?" Worst case scenario, seat-mate might actually say "Actually I'd really appreciate if you didn't." Or they may say it's okay but decide since you have spoken to them that they want to be your bestie now and chat you up when all you want to do is watch your movie.
In the name of courtesy though, I'd be willing to take that risk.
As a society we seem to be developing a phobia of actually talking to people and creating dialogue. We'd rather draw hard and fast lines of etiquette in the sand than actually reaching out to each other and creating dialogues around personal boundaries. Respecting one's boundaries is a way of being empathetic.. to say "Hey, I get it, you're not cool with this and I respect that."
Another post having to do with boundaries I found interesting was in regards to not forcing children to hug and kiss relatives and friends at Christmastime or other gatherings. We've all known a kid that doesn't like to hug or be hugged, and it's common for such a child to be admonished for being rude to not accept hugs and kisses from family members. However, in trying to prevent abuse it is important to teach a child that their body is their own and that no one is allowed to touch it without permission. So I think it would stand to reason that it might be confusing to a child to encourage bodily autonomy while simultaneously say 'but you still have to kiss Grandma'.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think rudeness is acceptable and if my kid refused to hug or kiss someone, I'd let them know that they still have to say hello or thank you or the appropriate acknowledgement.. but if they don't want to be hugged, that's okay. Some people are very uncomfortable being touched.. whether it is tied into psychological issue or a physical issue - some are very sensitive to touch and it can be over-stimulating.
Respecting a kids boundaries also teaches them to understand and respect the boundaries of others. Paying attention and respecting a child's boundaries can also help a parent be aware of issues. My oldest daughter, as a toddler/preschooler was ridiculously affectionate.. WITH EVERYBODY. She even wanted hugs from strangers.. anyone who made eye contact with her, pretty much.
I remember her running up to an elderly lady pushing a walker and exclaiming 'Up! up!'. Another time in a bank, she ran up to a young boy who was probably no older than eleven or twelve and threw her little arms around his legs. This poor kid looked like he was going to die of embarassment on the spot.
Being such an affectionate little thing, I paid attention when she didn't want someone to hug her.
There was a time when the ex-hub and now-wife had some company over including one or two people they didn't know. My usually exuberantly affectionate preschooler refused to give this one guy the time of day. Instead of vying to have attention lavished on her, she quietly guided her sisters into another room, away from the company. I don't know the details, but this one guest ended up later saying things to now-wife that had crossed a few of her boundaries and left her quite upset. I have little doubt that T. picked up some kind of vibe from this guy.
I think small kids can have the ability to read adults better than we can of each other, because they have not yet been socialized into prejudices about different people, and may be able to better follow their instincts when it comes to getting 'bad vibes' from someone.
Just like we should listen to those around us in order to show courtesy and respect boundaries, with kids while there are times to teach, there are also times to listen.
 |
| Sorry. Couldn't Resist. |
Friday, October 7, 2011
"Honesty Is the Best Policy" and other myths...
Alternate Title: Who the Hell asked you?
Interesting post on the forums today regarding Honesty versus Bullying. In my time, I have seen far too many people justify degrading others in the name of honesty. The philosophy that honesty is the best policy seems to be interepreted by some to mean 'you are welcome to say any thing that comes into your head to another human being regardless of if it is hurtful or not'.
No. Full Stop.
Honesty is the Best Policy means that when given the choice of telling the truth or telling a lie, in the long run, the truth is probably your best option, because lies beget more lies.
Honesty is not a free pass to insult people or be hurtful towards them.
I know I am overweight. Most people who are overweight are fully aware of this. Unless someone asks, "Hey, Do I Look Fat In This?" or "Why Can't I Seem To Lose Any Weight?" it is not acceptable to tell someone their pants make them look fat, or suggest that they'd lose weight if they didn't eat so damn much, and then defend yourself by shrugging your shoulders and saying "Hey, I'm just being honest."
No, my friend. You are not "just" being honest. You are also being an asshole.
Interesting post on the forums today regarding Honesty versus Bullying. In my time, I have seen far too many people justify degrading others in the name of honesty. The philosophy that honesty is the best policy seems to be interepreted by some to mean 'you are welcome to say any thing that comes into your head to another human being regardless of if it is hurtful or not'.
No. Full Stop.
Honesty is the Best Policy means that when given the choice of telling the truth or telling a lie, in the long run, the truth is probably your best option, because lies beget more lies.
Honesty is not a free pass to insult people or be hurtful towards them.
I know I am overweight. Most people who are overweight are fully aware of this. Unless someone asks, "Hey, Do I Look Fat In This?" or "Why Can't I Seem To Lose Any Weight?" it is not acceptable to tell someone their pants make them look fat, or suggest that they'd lose weight if they didn't eat so damn much, and then defend yourself by shrugging your shoulders and saying "Hey, I'm just being honest."
No, my friend. You are not "just" being honest. You are also being an asshole.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Good News, Everyone.
Be prepared to get esophaegal-lining-rupturing SICK of hearing from me.
*resists urge to sign opening lines from Eminem's 'Without Me'*
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Conversations with my kid - 'Literalism'
Scene: In the car, listening to "Blue Like Nevermind" by Kimya Dawson.
Eyes like almonds I've been told and friends are found when keys are stolen...
Reagan: That's not really true, you know.
Me: Sorry, honey. What's not really true?
Reagan: You don't really find friends when your keys get stolen.
{pause}
Me: No, I guess not.
Eyes like almonds I've been told and friends are found when keys are stolen...
Reagan: That's not really true, you know.
Me: Sorry, honey. What's not really true?
Reagan: You don't really find friends when your keys get stolen.
{pause}
Me: No, I guess not.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Conversations with my kid - She's got it all figured out.
From the "Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten" file....
So my four-year-old daughter is in Junior kindergarten, and it seems she has a boyfriend. I've heard about nothing but this kid since september. Sometimes they get along, sometimes they fight... normal kids stuff.
I had this unnerving conversation with her tonight, which started from her telling me how Dustin chases her at recess.
"He chases me because he's my boyfriend."
"Oh is he?"
"Yeah"
"Is he nice to you?"
"Yeah... Olivia thinks he's mean to me"
"Is he mean to you?"
"No, he just chases me"
"Well, if he IS mean to you, you don't need friends like that."
She nods and after a few minutes, she says, rather profoundly:
"If I want him to stop chasing me, I have to say 'I love you.'"
I was in my 20's before I figured THAT out. Kudos, kid. Kudos.
So my four-year-old daughter is in Junior kindergarten, and it seems she has a boyfriend. I've heard about nothing but this kid since september. Sometimes they get along, sometimes they fight... normal kids stuff.
I had this unnerving conversation with her tonight, which started from her telling me how Dustin chases her at recess.
"He chases me because he's my boyfriend."
"Oh is he?"
"Yeah"
"Is he nice to you?"
"Yeah... Olivia thinks he's mean to me"
"Is he mean to you?"
"No, he just chases me"
"Well, if he IS mean to you, you don't need friends like that."
She nods and after a few minutes, she says, rather profoundly:
"If I want him to stop chasing me, I have to say 'I love you.'"
I was in my 20's before I figured THAT out. Kudos, kid. Kudos.
Monday, August 7, 2006
My Sister...
...throws the best fucking parties I have ever been to!!
I think the experience of a Nicky party can be summed up in three and a half words:
NAKED SLIP N SLIDE!!!
I didn't partake in the wet naked fun myself, but I had fun taking pictures.
Which isn't to say that I totally behaved myself, but imma spare the details to protect the innocent, and not so innocent.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
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