This is a friendly reminder.

You deserve a day to yourself.

A day where you sleep in.

A day where you get up early, before everyone else, and enjoy the silence.

A day where the dishes don't get done.

A day where you don't wear pants.  A day where you don't wear anything at all.

A day where you play video games for six hours.

A day where you lounge in the bathtub until the water gets cold and you start to nod off, narrowly avoiding dropping your book into the water.

A day where you burn a tank of gas without a destination in mind.

A day where you don't leave the house.

A day where the kids have cereal for dinner.

A day where you eat off paper plates.

A day where you don't see or talk to people.

A day where you say "Sorry, I have other plans," even if those plans are playing videogames in your underwear.

A day where you turn off your phone.

A day where you turn a blind eye to dust bunnies, and circles on the coffee table.

A day where you don't beat yourself up for not living life to its fullest if all you want to do that day is marathon episodes Orphan Black.

You deserve a day off.

(Sometimes I need this reminder. I hope you find it helpful, too.)

Conversations with my kid: I need a sarcasm sign edition.

This is a conversation I have more often than I'd like to admit.

Me: Good job cleaning the living room for me.
R:  I'm sorry, I was trying to find something.
.... Pause....
Me: No.  Good job.  Really.  I'm not being sarcastic.
R: oh.  It's hard to tell, sometimes.
Me: I know *sigh*

Valentines Cards I wish I had thought of getting the kids more than 24 hours in advance

I'm pretty vocal about the fact that in general, I think valentine's day can suck it. Yeah, even when I'm not alone for the occasion I still tend to hate it out of loyalty to my single self. But in an attempt to not expose the kiddies to too much jaded cynicism, I do still let them participate In the yearly thing of handing out cheap little cards to their classmates, cards rendered utterly meaningless by the fact that they are obligated to include EVERY kid in their classes, Even those ones I'm sure my children would happily punch in the face.

The side effect of my general desire to pretend this day doesn't really exist results in me forgetting these things until the last bloody second. Which means I miss out on the possibility of having my kids branded as the coolest (okay, fine, weirdest) kids in their classes by handing out cards like this. Holy shit you guys:

Happy Valentines Day from the Golden Girls!

As much as I am incredibly sick of hearing about Betty White (Yes, she's old and she's funny.  So are both my grandmothers.. so why aren't people making a big deal about them?) these are all kinds of awesome.

Next, from the 'My Nostalgic Inner Child is Geeking The Frick Out' files:

Sailor Moon Themed Valentines Cards!

Last, I always end up coming back to the incomparable Brandon Bird and his Law & Order SVU Valentines cards which according to his site are currently sold out.  Boo-urns.

Meh, I guess they're happy enough with iCarly. Yes, Tess, I ended up getting them after all.

If you don't have anything nice to say, STFU and go order your coffee.

People amaze me with their ignorance sometimes.

As you may be able to tell from my display picture, my hair is currently a shade of pinkish red not usually found in nature. Originally part of a Halloween costume, I decided I liked this look and would keep it for a while.

Needless to say, reviews have been mixed, and I totally accept that.

The other day however, my friend Tess and I were sitting in the timmie's downstairs from work and a woman i know, who shall remain nameless, came in and lined up. I said hi, and the following conversation ensued:

Her: what did you do to your hair? (I've kind of gotten used to this line of questioning)
Me: I stuck my finger in a socket
Her: that wouldn't turn your hair... Well, what do you call that color?
Me: I call it "I used to be red but I have showered many times since then"
Her: ugh.. You need to dye it back.
Me: I dunno. I like it.
Her: (in what i'm guessing was an attempt at humor) yeah but what you want doesn't matter, other people still have to look at it
Me: yeah I'm not particularly concerned with other people.. Haha. Like I said, I like it.
Her: really, though, it doesn't look good.

At this point I shrug and go back to my conversation with Tess.

When I posted about the incident on Facebook I got a whole lot of support and compliments, which was awesome and sweet, but missed the point, which was "who the hell asked?"
Like I said, i'm totally cognizant that this particular aesthetic choice is not to be everybody's cup of tea. I've recieved my fair share of backhanded compliments ("well, you're still very pretty") from people who don't get that I did this on purpose. I would think, though, that unless it has been solicited, so-called constructive criticism should be kept to oneself.

I mean, how many times should someone have to say "well, I like it" before they take the hint and drop it. My own dumbfoundedness at the gall and my generally sweet nature prevented me from getting really nasty, which maybe I should have. Hell, even my grandma only got to make so many comments before I finally said "listen lady, if you don't let it go, then next time I see you, it's going to be Green.". And I LOVE my grandma.

If I ask someone's opinion, then I expect an honest response. Otherwise, don't rain on my fuckin' parade.

It's pretty basic Kindergarten 101 stuff: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Must I always be 'The Other Woman'?

Avid readers may remember that one year less two days to this very date I had what I originally believed to be a brush with identity theft.  Thankfully the misunderstanding was a result of someone with the same name having a very similar email address to mine.

It seems that some people didn't take a minute to update their contacts list, as today I received the following email from the very same real estate agent who had emailed me almost a year ago today:

How is everything going?  Have you found another rental yet?  If you didn't let me know right away please.
[name redacted]

Excellent customer service, if I was indeed a customer.  I figured it deserved some sort of response.

Hi Maria,

We've spoken previously, almost a year to the day, in fact.  I am not the Andrea whom you seek. You're looking for another Andrea who I will assume has an email address very similar to my own.  I've never lived, owned or rented in the Toronto area, although seeing this kind of customer service, if I was considering a move to the GTA, I might consider using you as a rep.  However, a deep, abiding love for small town life, and a rather inflexible custodial agreement renders the possibility of my relocation as a highly unlikely scenario.  

Have a lovely afternoon.

Best Regards,

The Other Andrea.

 Maybe I've made a new friend.

My Motivation is Playing Ferris Bueller Today..

I've done too much driving this weekend and not really gone anywhere.  Yesterday, in driving my children to a birthday party I came to a few conclusions (that you may have already seen if you follow me on Twitter):

• Barrie's south end embodies everything I absolutely hate about everything
• Goodwill has better prices than Value Village but is an infinitely more depressing shopping experience
• My knit hat is likely the culprit that is causing my forehead to break out like that of a 13-year-old on chocolate and high-dose oral contraceptives
• On the rare occasions I break down and go to Wal-Mart for something, I feel better if I can't find it.

Something I learned after a night of dancing and some drinking:

• After a night of dancing in heels and drinking beer, if you go to sleep in your pantyhose, you will wake up feeling like sausage.

Today I drove twice to Midland to take the cats to get weighed so I get them all flea treatments for the next few months.  Then, instead of napping, I decided to drive to Orillia (because two trips to Barrie - one for the birthday party, and once for dancing - and two trips to Midland didn't feel like quite enough driving) to go see my battered and bruised Nanny in the hospital.  She's currently there due to a fall where she managed to break herself in many places in an attempt to clean the top of her refrigerator.   Thankfully she is recovering well, and is in better spirits and more mobile than when I saw her last week.

Needless to say, I will be using this incident as justification for the utter and complete neglect the top of my refrigerator suffers at my hands.  Better safe than sorry.

For cheap amusement, here's some of the search terms people are using to stumble upon my lovely little piece of the blogosphere here:

"i'm reminded of light beer"
'schrodinger's rapist'
dory
ghost world
hidden staircases
margaret atwood's inspirations
she's the kind of woman that'll make you forget about hiroshima

I'm excited about the first one, because I can only assume that it means there is someone out there who loved those Blue Light commercials with Tom Cavanaugh as much as I do.

The CCF and the Humane Society could use a lesson from this woman

I am not generally a charitable person, in the strictest sense of the world.  I don't make a whole lot of cash donations to charitable organizations.  I know, I know.  But I'm a woman on a budget, plus I'm kind of a misanthrope who questions if my charitable donations are really going to someone who needs it.  I never said I was a good person.

Today I read a letter that first made me laugh, in that horrible 'Oh my god, I shouldn't be laughing at this' kind of way.  It was a letter written to Jenny at The Bloggess from a woman named Ally, of Christchurch, New Zealand.

As you may already know, Christchurch was hit by one huge sumbitch of an earthquake on February 22, and Ally was writing in hopes that Jenny, in her vast interwebs popularity, would be willing to ask her readers to help the people of Christchurch in their time of need.

Read Her Letter Here.  You Will Not Regret It.

It's okay.  I'll wait.

... *twirls in chair*  *tries to balance pen under nose* *picks at errant hangnail*

Oh, you're done? Good.

Now, if your reaction was anything like mine, you laughed then immediately went "Holy shit.  We need to help these unfortunate fuckers STAT."  

Did you?  Cool.  Go Help Them, then.

I think organizations like the Christian Children's Fund and the Humane Society could learn a lesson from Ally.  Honesty is the best policy.  Don't guilt people, don't fucking depress them.. because what happens then?  People get depressed.  They get overwhelmed, because they want to help ALL the starving children and ALL the abused kitties and puppies with their big sad eyes and distended bellies and flies on their faces.

Then what happens?  Your average Joe or Josephine.. they feel bad.  And resentful.  Because You, Charitable Organization, have made them Feel Bad.  And We Can't Help Everyone. And what do we do with unpleasant feelings?  We tune them out.  We change the channel when Sarah McLachlan starts singing ".. in the arrrmmmms offf annnn annnnngelllll" and the little puppies and/or African kids come on the screen.

And then No One gets help.

I love Ally's approach here.  Honest, direct, and creative.. and effective.

Things I learned growing up (and I think I turned out okay)

My children's stepsister told me her teacher said 'everyone is everyone's best friend'. If that was my kids teacher, I would want to throtttle her. Why set a child up for disappointment like that? I'm not saying to tell your kids that everyone is out to get them, but I think feeding them idealism like that is just setting them up for disaster.

Things I think children need to know (i'm kind of reiterating from a particularly disastrous thread that shall remain nameless):

-Everyone is worthy of your respect, until they do something to lose it.
-Everyone has the potential to be your friend.
-Not everyone is going to be your friend.
-Don't waste time on people who don't want to be your friend. Concentrate on treating well those who do.
-If you can walk away with your head high, then walk away.
-If you can't walk away, because someone is continuing to push you, then push back, with just enough force that they back off (I say this both figuratively and literally)
-Never throw the first punch.
-If you do, then you deserve whatever ass-kicking you receive.
-Know when to apologize
-Don't hold grudges. If someone wrongs you, let it go. Forgiveness takes less energy than hatred and vengeance.
-Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Just because you forgive someone wronging you, doesn't mean you have to give them the chance to do it again.

I think we as people don't give children enough credit for being able to handle simple truths. Although I don't believe in throwing children to the wolves, I do think that sheltering them incessantly from some of life's harsh realities only serves to do more harm than good in the long run.