Monday, February 26, 2007

A comparison in deprivation

So I went to my parents this weekend. Friday night I was all happy because the leather pants that were downright uncomfortable to wear the last time I tried them on are fitting again.

So the next morning I was curious, and since I don't own a scale at home, I jumped on my moms scale. Gah. I was not a happy camper. So I've made a decision, and I'm finally going to bite the bullet and join Weight Watchers. I've seen it work for other people, and frankly, this is beyond just a self-image thing. 230 lbs on a 5'5" frame, there's no way that can be good for me.

Since the program is costly, my parents have been kind enough to offer to pay for me to go, as long as I stick to it. Keep my diaries, go to the meetings. It's like I'm a recovering alchoholic.

Today was day one. I stuck within my points thing, and drank the required water but it's not been easy. I had grown accustomed to just eating whenever I felt like it, so I was hungry quite a bit today. It's gonna be a tough couple of days/weeks/however long it takes to get accustomed to a lesser intake.

It's harder than quitting smoking (which I am still working on as well). For a few reasons

- When I quit smoking , I didn't have cupboards full of cigarettes at my disposal.
- I don't have two children who require cigarettes to live. I do have small children do need to eat, and that enjoy the occasional treat, so that means they are in the house, and I gotta either not touch em, or go really easy on em. Fortunately I was not in the habit of having a LOT of junk in the house, just maybe a bag of cookies a week, and cereal bars
- It didn't cost me 50 bucks more a week to not smoke. Healthy food is more expensive than junk food. No wonder people are fat. Organic food is even moreso.
- There are no rules against eating indoors, or in public areas, or in class. The anti-smoking restrictions help to at least make you cut down.
- You can't advertise cigarettes in Canada
- Nicotine is out of your system in 2-4 days. The need for food is always there.
- Don't have to schedule a sitter or arrange for the kids to go to their dads while I go to meetings to not smoke

The good thing, I can eat all the fuckin' sushi I want. Woot, go sushi. I usually get a thing of it from the deli on mondays. The girls have Lunchables. Reagan calls the sushi kit, mommys lunchable. mmm. yummy.

This also means I have to start packing lunches for school, as the fresh grille is probably off limits, as is the pizza pizza kiosk, and lets face it, the salad bar is gonna get real old, real fast.

Thankfully I haven't been drinking a lot lately, because that all adds up. A shot of rye is like 2 points. If you don't remember to stick with diet pop or water, then you're looking at 5 points a drink.

So now I say goodbye to many of the things I loved. Kraft dinner, Pizza, Cafe Mochas, Mostly all Tim Hortons products other than coffee, Processed cheese (although I cut that out a long time ago) Lunch meats, etc etc. Only on special occasions shall we meet from here on in.

Oh if anyone is interested, my high range goal is 50 lbs over the next 6-8 months. 10 pounds a month is at the high range of a healthy weight loss, so I think I'm being pretty fair with myself. 80 lbs over the next two years. Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh, I might want to add, that I'm usually against dieting on a level of principal, the medias unrealistic pressure on women and whatnot, but I figure on this one, my health outweighs my principles.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

It's a good day to be Andrea - Ninjas rock my world remix

Chris is awesome. Nuff said.

Andrea - Blue Rodeo

Earlier tonight I got a little scared
I thought that I had failed
I closed my eyes bowed my head and prayed
I saw that all and everyone were one

Never knowing if I'm lost
Never knowing if I'm found
Chasing that long dark spiral
Going down and down
And down
And down

Andrea I'm so happy that you called
Just to hear your voice
Helped dissolve
The paranoia
Until the drugs wore off

I think the reason why
You're so high

Is that you know the truth
I see it in your smile
Your gentle eyes
And your hollow tooth

Where some might despair
You find a way to celebrate
And you can see through me
Just like I can see through you
You see through me

Andrea I'm so happy that you called
Just to hear your voice
Helped dissolve
The paranoia
Until the drugs wore off

Andrea you are not alone here
You must be everywhere
Like any savior might be
At least a savior to me

It's a good day to be Andrea

I've always been a little jealous of women who have names that are featured in song titles. The Sherrys (yes sherry, I mean you), the Angie's, hell even the Enids. I've always felt a little left out that no one would ever cheesily dedicate a song to me, on the sheer sake that we share a name. No, never happened. The closest I ever came was a song by Diesel Boy called Andy Stern.

When People hear my name, the last thing I want them to be reminded of is a song that contains the line He's short and stoned and he's never on time/ He ain't been laid since 1989

As great of as song as I think that is, not the musical earmage (that's my take on audial images -- Did I not say I had the power to make up random words?) I want people to get when they hear my name.

I've just found not one but TWO songs that share my name. There is a song called Andrea by Blue Rodeo, off the album The Days In Between. I can't seem to find the lyrics online, which kind of sucks. But the song exists, it's on their website. I'm downloading like 7 BR albums, apparently the album it's on is not one of them.

On top of that, there is a song by MxPx called Andrea off the album Life in General.

The lyrics to this one are cheesy but cute... Something I could handle being associated with.

Meeting you was just so unexpected
I guess I was scared of being rejected

Since you were so nice
I wouldn't think twice
I'd give it all away for one more day with you

If ever there was a girl to be engaged to
That amazing girl would have to be you

Before we hung out
Don't know how I lived without
Your beautiful face - like God's amazing grace

Andrea, I say your name and all I can do is
Think about the way you smiled
And kinda sorta held my hand
Went out for coffee in what must have been the smallest town in Kentucky

Andrea, we walked together
Down the dirt road by the bridge
That we sat by each other
Talked about a few things
You looked at me I looked at you
Before you know, it's time to go!

I mean it's seriously like 9th grade poetry lyrics, but the point is, it exists! It's a good day to be an Andrea.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I'm Old.

I had a bowl of Lucky Charms last night and it was kind of gross. There actually seemed to be TOO MANY marshmallows. Is that depressing or WHAT?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Chris tagged me, fucker.

The rules of 'Blog Tagging' are simple:

First, write ten interesting facts about yourself, habits, personality traits, skills or just general oddities.

Then, at the end, choose ten people to be tagged. List their names and the reasons for tagging them.

Final rule: You cannot tag the person who tagged you!!!

1) I have played the guitar for about 13 years now, self taught. I don't even remember why I decided I wanted to play, I just one day decided I wanted one. About 2-3 weeks later my cousin sold me her beat up classical. His name was Arlo.

2) The first song I usually play when I pick up my acoustic is the intro to Plush by Stone Temple Pilots. My show off campfire song is Hot Stuff by Donna Summer, not so much for any technical prowess involved, but because I like to imagine that people think it's fun that I bothered to learn and perfect such an blatant example of a disco tune.

3) I'm really smart. Like scary smart. In third grade when they give you those placement tests, the cut off mark for being labelled gifted was 75%. I scored a 98. The child psychologist told my parents I had tremendous potential. My mom kind of laughed and said 'So what, she could be a rocket scientist if she wanted?" The lady stared at her and said 'Yes. That's exactly what I am saying."

4) I am not a rocket scientist. Nor do I have aspirations to become one. But I have spent the last three years nurturing a growing interest in sociology, and fancy myself a social constructionist (basically, I don't believe in anything) with marxist tendencies ( I DO believe in a ruling class :-P)

5) At the tender age of 11 I was involved in a go-carting incident. I got air. I had driven off before anyone could explain the concept of braking on a curve. Long story short, I crashed into the tires flying three feet into the air over the side of a three foot embankment, thus falling 6 feet through the air to the track below. I have never seen my dad run so fast in his life.

6) WHen I was 18 I got up one morning to go to the bathroom and collapsed in the doorway in pain and weakness. WHen my mother got me to the doctor it was discovered that not only did I have a ginormous blood clot in my left leg that stretched from my knee up into my abdomen, they also found that I had been bleeding from my bowels for about 4 months and that my hemoglobin count had dropped to 55, 10 point from when heart failure sets in. I was in hospital for a month, bedridden for three weeks of that time. To this day, though it still doesn't seem like a near death experience, because I never faced my mortality until after the fact when my mom told me that I was really close to dying.

7) I love road tripping. Since getting a car, I have been on two major ones, both by myself. In 2004 I travelled to Fort Frances On, going through Ontario on the way there, and coming back through Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan. THis summer past I went on a five day road trip, staying a night outside Ottawa at a friend of my sisters that she had met in Mexico, one night in a hostel in montreal, one night in a hotel in Quebec city, and one night at a friends in Oshawa. Each place I didn't know where I would be staying until I was there or close to there.

8) I'm prematurely grey. It started when I was nineteen, and to my chagrin I was told that my dad started at nineteen as well. He was completely grey by 35. I contemplate growing it out and rockin the Emmylou Harris look.

9) I have never bought a piece of furniture brand new. Everything in my apartment is either handed down, fire donation, or second hand/yard sale/buy and sell magazine fodder. The total cost of my furnishings is less than 500 dollars.

10) I recently took up painting. Other than one self portrait, the ideas I have had have all been inspired by books I've read or songs I know. I'd like to eventually do a series of dramatic scenes based on songs by the tragically hip.


Talking shit out is cleansing, and having someone to listen to you bitch kicks ass. If you're reading this, thanks, I really appreciate it.


Who the fuck steals someone's laundry soap?


I hate my car with every fibre of my being. Good news is I'll be at school early both tomorrow and wednesday so I can get extra work done.


I just found out a guy I camped with as a kid is playing pro hockey on an NHL farm team. Darryl Bootland, Grand Rapids Griffins. Has played once or twice with the Red Wings. Cool.


I wish I knew why you chose now to start talking to me again all of a sudden.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Dream a little dream of...


I need to stop reading and/or watching the 25th Hour. Last night I dreamt that not only my ex, but my cousin Jamie were going to prison for seven years. I don't know for what, but I speculated within the dream that the boy's sentence probably was pot-related in some way. As for Jamie I had no idea. He's a pretty well-behaved guy IRL.

It was odd that I was hanging out with the boy on his last day of freedom. It would have made more sense that he spend it with... oh... I don't know... his girlfriend/fiance. Dream-me chalked it up to her not being able to deal with it, and just wanting to be away.

I recall trying to wrap my head around the fact that my kids wouldn't have a dad, and on a more shallow note, I would have no me-time for the next seven years.

The dream took place in a sort of receptional hall/karaoke bar, which made it even weirder.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Superhero girl.

The girls are sick. Pinkeye and a cough. We watched 6 hours of Sailor moon today.

Yesterday, before they got sick, we managed to get down to the Ontario Science Centre for the Marvel Comics exhibit, and man, that was some good times. I totally forgot to bring any and all directions I had, both the directions to Sammi's workplace, as well as the directions to the Science centre from there. I managed to get to Sam's work pretty easily as I had memorized the directions before I left.

-- by the way, I might mention that I friggin hate the fact that MapQuest and Google Maps will always give you a route that puts you on the 407 whenever possible. The 407 is a toll road, so I avoid it like the plague. --

There were some pretty cool things to see at the exhibit, it was all science-y things that were associated with various marvel superheros, eg. a Daredevil based display about the senses, with a little cave that you had to try to navigate through by clicking your tongue and gauging your location by sound; a magnet display (GUess who); a room where you yelled into a void to test your decibel level (Banshee); Using Lightening measure distance (Storm)... you get the picture.

The girls ran around and we're generally pretty good. Sammi and I took turns taking racy pictures with the giant wall cut outs - Will post some later, we have yet to exchange our pics with each other... half of them are on her camera, half on mine, and the ones I want to post are on her camera. Go fig.

Took a detour to the gift shop where I bought the most wonderful mug ever. Okay, so it's nothing compared to Ninja Chris' Spider-Man Cocoa mug, but it's still pretty darn neat. It may even beat out my Dubble Bubble mug for most favored coffee mug.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
This is my secret identity. You can tell by the glasses

I also got the girls a magnet play set and some tattoos and stickers. Reagan is obsessed with fake tattoos. For those of you who know The Boy, are we surprised by this?

Oh, I forgot to mention, there was a hot security guard following us around, we took our picture with him (On sammi's camera again... grrr.) At one point he walked by and tried getting the kids attention by singing the Dora theme. Twas quite humorous.

McDonalds for dinner (at like 9pm no less) and I like I said, considering how late they ate, the girls were really well-behaved.

Got ridiculously lost trying to get back to Sammi's house, or just out of Toronto for that matter. Shouldn't have been that hard, just a matter of getting on one of the major North/South roads, but when we got to them, we couldn't remember if we HAD been going East or West, so without that, it's difficult to decide in the dark in the city if you are going North or South, especially when you know nothing of landmarks, like I do.

Fortunately we are neither of us the type to get freaked out by being lost, we just drove around and laughed at how lost we were. On the bright side, I found a gas station sell for .78 per L. Not too shabby.

Okay I lied, I am going to post some pictures, but I will update this when I have the other pics as well.

Or... maybe not. I hate you Photobucket.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Anti-love songs

It's valentines day, I'm pissy so I turn to my ONE true love, music, to find the songs that sympathize with my feelings about this day and the construct of 'luv'.

In no particular order

Lunachicks - Cumming into my Own

Girl gives up on the bs of relationships, and gives into the joys of masturbation. Thats my take on it though

Line that makes you go 'FUCK YEAH!' - And if I don't pick up the phone/it may not mean that I'm not home/I may be laying there alone/feeling fine, feeling mine

Screeching Weasel - Love

No, no I don't wanna don't make me do it

Line that makes you go fuck yeah - Love is for assholes/Love is for assholes, it's true/ and I don't wanna be in love with you

Tool - Prison Sex

Well you don't get much less romantic than forced sodomy, do you?

Metric - Patriarch on a Vespa

The dark side of the white picket fence dream

Lines that make you go fuck yeah - Are we all designed to be confined/buy ourselves chastity belts and lock them

Offspring - Self-esteem

I include this, because I have lived it.

Seven Mary Three - Home Stretch

Angry growly song with a catchy chorus

Lines that make you go FUCK YEAH - Theres only one sound to love/ Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye/ Ain't it good

Headstones - And

Let's get over it, lets move on, I don't wanna fuckin' talk about it.

Lines that make you go Fuck yeah - Lets not find the weakness/hit the bruise/ what good would it do/let's not drag out the details/salt the wounds/what good would it do


Listening to the song Rocket Queen by Guns N roses...

Listening to this song does anyone else get the idea that maybe axl had to do some things he was not too proud of upon arrival in L.A. This song screams male prostitution to me.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

that surreal feeling.

Ever walk into a room and feel like all eyes are on you?  I just had that feeling going through the library just now.  I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but everyone seemed to be looking at me
Zippers zipped, face is clean, so I don't know what the deal is.  Perhaps I just am that devastatingly gorgeous.  Meh. 

That creepy Frankie Muniz lookin' kid walked by again.  It's terrible but he really does weird me out.  And he's got the same shirt on everytime.  That one that is the same as the one my ex had in highschool.
Bizarre.  I'm not even on my painkillers.

Friday, February 9, 2007

teef pt 2

 Tylenol 3's are fun.

I have a suprisingly high tolerance for sedation.  I was fine within an our of coming out of the anestetic.  I'm now two wisdom teeth lacking, but not missing them.
I miss solids though.  Does sushi count as a soft food?  I'm getting sick as shit already of pudding and ice cream, and it's only been one day.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Adding insult to injury

I don't need sex, Georgian college fucks me all the time (credit to the Facebook group of the same name for that line)

So the snow continues. Now keeping in mind yesterday's blog where I stayed home from school, only to see the weather turn beautiful after my class was due to start, I have this follow up story.

This morning the snow is coming down like a motherfucker. Checking the radio stations, sure enough, school busses are cancelled. Tierney still wants to go to school, so I start the car up (which has been surprisingly easy, considering), dig the foot of snow out of my driveway and take her to school. Dan had called to see if I was going to go to school to let me know not to take 93 because there's an accident.

I check the school website, call the office, check the radio and weather sites again. So far as I know, the college is still open.

I get Tierney to school and Reagan to her dads and Dan calls again, telling me to seriously reconsider coming as the 400 is 'suitable for snowmobiling' and there are whiteouts past mount st Louis. I decide to brave it anyway, as I had missed class last week and didn't want to miss two weeks in a row.

I put along the 400 extension at about 80km an hour, slipping and sliding and thanking god that there is nobody on the road, so I have two lanes of play, and no one can see the painted lines anyway. Let's stay as far from ditches as humanly possible.

Just past the Mount St Louis cutoff, there is A FUCKING PLOW IN THE DITCH.

A plow.

In the ditch.

Is there anything more horrifying to see in a blizzard on a major highway when you drive a little shitbox Sunbird? It's surely a sign of impending doom.

I immediately do what any mature person would do. I weep, grip my steering wheel and whimper 'I'm gonna di-i-i-e.' But of course I am over half way to school at this point, so there is no turning back.

Meanwhile, my cell phone had minimum battery power when I left that morning, so I had turned it off so there would be power should I need to call a tow truck, or a priest when my car inevitably careens off an embankment.
So I don't get the call from Dan, yet again, telling me about the snowplow in the ditch.

I finally with a sigh of relief pull up to the college, only to notice an inordinate amount of people leaving the exits.


Yup. Closed the school. Could they have done it at, oh, I don't know... 8 OCLOCK THIS FUCKING MORNING??

I turn the cell on, and call dan, who informs me that he just got there and not to come. I tell him it's too late, I am there too. We wander the school for a bit, then hit the nearest Tim's to have coffee and steel ourselves for the long ride home, taking 93 this time, because at least it's more acceptable to do 60 the whole way on that road.

So yeah, this is how things work for me. I stay home, the weather clears up. I go, and they closed the damned school. I hate you, Georgian College.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

I effin hate it when this happens.

This always fucking happens. It's like when you go to make an appointment to see the doctor, and the day of your appointment, the symptoms that had been worrying you fail to manifest themselves on that particular day.

I KNEW this was going to happen.

For those who don't know, I go to school about a half-hour to forty minutes away. Today all morning it has been snowing steadily. The forecasts were calling for 5-10 cm of snow throughout the afternoon.

After much deliberation with myself, I decide not to go to school today, lest I find myself stranded a half hour away when the snow picks up tonight.

At the time when I was going to leave, it seemed like a really good idea to stay home, seeing as the snow was thick enough that I couldn't see from one end of my building's parking lot to the other.

Of course, what has happened now, is that NOW that it is 3:15 (my class started at 3) and far too late to catch even half the class, once I get the girls dressed and to their dad's and then drive down to Barrie, well NOW, of COURSE, the snow has stopped, oh and the plows have probably gone by, and it's EVEN SUNNY OUT!

Now, I am missing what is probably a pretty effin important lecture on Durkheim and Spencer, as well as cancelling the pool-playing plans I had with my friend Jay for tonight.

I'm just saying, it better be a fucking Blizzard come 5:30 to 6 pm -- the time that would normally be driving home -- so I at least feel a little bit good about this decision.