Food banks, nutrition, Kraft Dinner and the social safety net

I've been seeing a few posts going around about an Ottawa area food bank, the Parkdale Food Centre, and their recent policy change wherein they are refusing certain items of food they deem unhealthy... Namely that Canadian lunch staple, Kraft Dinner.

I have a few thoughts on this:

- KD is, yes, pretty much chemical glop.  Delicious, delicious chemical glop. Mmmm.

- KD has the capability of being mixed with meats and veggies to create a more filling and nutritious meal.  It is also easy to cook and easy to store, which is important for people who lack cooking facilities or safe places to store food.

- With the exception of around Christmas and Thanksgiving, food banks in Ontario are generally understocked and screaming for donations.

- Some people who donate food are assholes and will use food drives as an opportunity to unload their expired and or plain nasty stuff.

- Food banks do need to be able to offer more healthy options such as fresh fruits and vegetables, milk.  Money donations help them do this by offering grocery vouchers that can be redeemed at local grocery stores, or by allowing the food bank to stock these items daily.

I think a big point is being missed in a lot of the debate about this policy.  From my perspective, it is reasonable to encourage the donation of healthier options, but it is kind of arrogant and patronizing to refuse items (barring items that are expired or opened).  Healthy food is needed, but so is comfort food.  So is the occasional treat.  

But the thing nobody commenting on this story seems to be touching on is that food banks are supposed to be an emergency measure, a stop-gap.  If we have people relying on food banks to the point where it is becoming nutritionally detrimental, then that is a BIG problem and in most cases not the fault of the people having to rely on the food banks.   It's a symptom of a system that is not doing what it can to look out for its more vulnerable members.. the elderly, the disabled, families having to work at minimum wage, both single-parent and two-parent. 

If these people who rely on ODSP or CPP or a fair minimum wage do not have enough to even feed themselves on a regular basis, then that's a sign of a much bigger problem than a few boxes of Kraft Dinner.

Conversations with my Kid: Deprivation, and the Grass is Always Greener.

I'm pick a chocolate chip of my oldest daughter's cookie while she grabs a glass of milk.  There were just enough cookies left for each kid to have three (or each of us to have two, but I really don't need them).

T: Hey!

Me: What?

T: Are you picking a chocolate chip off my cookie?

Me: Yeah, of course.  Hey, Wait! Are there any in the bottom of the cookie jar?  Sweet, one.. *nom*  two *nom*

T:  Aww.. Lucky!

Me: Says the kid with three cookies to the woman who just fished errant chocolate chips out of the jar.

The Tip of my Tongue.

When I was growing up in Aurora there was a restaurant down the street from my uncle's place, in a plaza (some may know them as strip-malls) on the Southeast corner of Murray Avenue and Yonge Street, at one point the longest street in the world and the eventual route that would take my family on our short but life-altering pilgrimage from Aurora to our current home on the Georgian Bay.

My memories of this establishment are fuzzy yet curiously vivid as well.  Glaring yellow signage ran the length of the outer end of the building - it was the last unit and faced the traffic of Yonge street.  I recall caricatures of old comedy acts such as Laurel and Hardy and W.C. Fields gracing either end of the stylized lettering, now blurred in my mind's eye.

It was a fairly large, licensed establishment, specializing in Italian fare - a family restaurant, before we became inundated with proto-family-cookie cutter chain eateries.  Upon entering, one would walk into a sparsley furnished, harshly lit entranceway with a small counter for picking up takeout orders.  In contrast, the main dining room was lush and romantically lit, a sea of dark wood, leather and tiffany lamps.  As a small child I would swing my feet from the huge bench seats of the booths and look around curiously, in my own world, ignoring the chatter of my parents and sister.

What stands out in my memory, clearer than anything is the Pac-Man game.  The PacMan game sat in the entryway, close to but not quite in the dining area.  It was one of those table-top arcade games where two players could sit on either end and play head-to-head games of Pac-Man.  Occasionally I was lucky enough to be given a shiny quarter to play while we waited to be seated, but even when no quarters were available I was content to sit hunched over the bright flat screen and trace my fingers along the plexiglass, following Pac-Man's gluttonous feast.  My little brain, just then learning to read, would watch as the screen flickered and switched from the demo to the menu screen and mouth along as the rival ghosts were introduces.. Inky, Blinky, Pinky and...

and...

What was the last one's name?  I can never remember.

The last time I was there, I was seventeen.  My friends and I had embarked on a road trip to the city for some reason or another and I, being full of ideas, suggested going to Aurora and driving by my old house.  We stopped there for lunch and it was as I remembered it, mostly.  I don't recall now if the game was still there, but the food and the atmosphere was as I remembered.

That was nearly fifteen years ago.  The restaurant has since been shut down, re-named, under new management.  It's funny though, that with all that I can remember of that place, of the details in the decor and the food and how my child-mind perceived eating in a  big, grown-up fancy-pants restaurant with china and cloth napkins and where I was even allowed to order a Shirley Temple and felt very grown-up doing so... well, with all that, to this day I cannot recall it's name.

Funny, that.

UPDATE:  So, I was at work and standing in the bathroom washing my hands and out of nowhere, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Barrel Pizza.

HEAS Rhetoric: Understanding how weight =/= health

Cross-posted at MyFitnessPal.com

In response to a blog post I recently read from Balancing Jane, I wanted to hash out how to reconcile the idea of the "Healthy At Every Size" (HEAS) philosophy by reframing how we look at weight loss in relation to health.

Many have pointed out that the correlation between weight and health is not as direct as the media would have us believe. Being overweight is not always an indicator of poor health, just as being average or underweight is not an indicator of good health.

In my comments on the post I proposed a simple change in framing to kind of articulate how the rhetoric around weight loss can be reconciled with the HEAS principles by focusing not on size but on choices.

For example, one might say something to the effect of:

"My friend recently lost 100 lbs. As a result, her blood pressure and insulin levels have evened out."

This phrasing indicates a direct correlation between weight loss and health and implies that it was the loss of 100 lbs that directly contributed to an increase in the friend's health.

Now, what if we worded it as the following:

"My friend recently started making changes in her eating habits. She's been watching her portions and choosing more fruits and vegetables and less processed junk. As a result, her blood pressure and insulin levels have evened out. She's also lost 100 lbs."

In this phrasing, the change in the friend's health is not correlated with her weight, but with her food choices and activity level. The weight loss is treated as an additional benefit of her choices rather than the causal factor. If we left out the last sentence, and did not mention the weight loss, one could reasonably argue that by changing habits one could achieve better overall health, without weight playing into it.

Sustainable lifestyle changes through the pursuit of pleasure

Cross posted at MyFitnessPal.com

I was going to start out talking about The Biggest Loser, but I realized that, having never really watched more than one or two episodes I'd kind of be talking out of my ass.

However, I do want to expand on a point that one commenter on another person's blog (I REALLY should take note of these things) said in relation to the sustainability of lifestyle changes. Changes that feel like chores are not sustainable.

In making a real lifestyle change, whether it is to eat better, or be more active, it is so important to adjust your attitude and take pleasure out of these changes. I see a lot of people who seem to seek self-punishment in the form of grueling exercise in the name of making an end, and while in the short term, I can find this admirable I have to question if it is sustainable. Maybe that is why I never got involved in things like Crossfit, bootcamps and the like. To me, these things don't seem like fun, they seem like self-punishment. Part of my success laid in finding activities that got me moving but were still FUN. Baseball, belly-dancing and kickboxing were all things I joined because I never felt like I was just exercising for the sake of exercising but I was having fun, or learning a skill. Losing weight was always a bonus, whereas the ends were to get good at a new skill - some better accomplished than others.

Finding pleasure in food is another area that I feel is needed in order to be sustainable. Many people on here claim that a love for food has been the root of their weight issues. Mine, I would say, has actually been a contempt for food - that is to say up until the age of oh, say, 23 contempt for any food that wasn't hot dogs, Kraft dinner or canned spagetti, or plainly speaking, junk.

I didn't really like much else. It took forcing myself to really alter the way I thought about 'healthy' food versus 'treats', to frame healthy food in such a way that it was appetizing. To revisit all those foods that I had turned my nose up at ten zillion times before.
It started with a single piece of sushi in a mall with a friend. "Just try one" my friend urged me. I tried it. At first, my instinct was to spit it out, but I forced myself to really taste it, to savour it. The next few times I tried it, it was easier, and eventually I was hooked.
I started trying salads (a thing I hated in all it's forms.. I'm still not fond of mayo-based salads). Mayonaise in small doses. I was like a mother sneaking vegetables into her child's food, only it was my own. I brought a Ceasar wrap to work one day and found myself drooling over lettuce.. drooling over the thought of it's crispy refreshing crunch, and the warm bread and the chicken. Those things that were once abhorrent to me, and that I had only struggled through in order to have dessert, I began craving. And those things, the hot dogs, the KD, I found I didn't enjoy as much and I would ask myself "Why am I eating this if I'm not really enjoying it?"

(In fairness though, sometimes I DO still really enjoy a big bowl of KD and ketchup)

A lot of weight loss systems have used the adage "Nothing is as good as thin feels" up until recently. It's fallen of in popularity, due to it's potential for ED triggering.
MY favorite philosophy, however, comes from the movie Ratatouille. In the scene where Linguine faces off with restaurant critic Anton Ego, they have the following exchange:

Source

Ego: You're slow for someone in the fast lane
Linguine: and you're thin for someone who likes food.
Ego: I don't like food. I love it. And if I don't love it, I don't swallow.

I think this could be a philosophy that would help a lot of people, and doesn't frame food as the enemy.. food is NOT the enemy - actually, food is like that friend we all take for granted, but don't really realize how lucky we are to have it, and we should appreciate it.
... eat for pleasure, not merely for fuel. Pay attention to quality, taste, really savouring a meal or a snack, rather than mindlessly filling the gullet because it's there. If we (and by we, I mean those of us for whom boredom eating is a problem) start to really pay attention to not just the quantity of what we eat, but the quality, then we stand to be more choosy in our habits.

The Weekend Trap

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canuckians!

Had a bit of a fall apart last night. First, the large caesar salad I had for dinner last night from a local deli, once I added all the ingredients up, ended up being like 17 billion calories and roughly 563 grams of fat.

Give or take, of course.

I take solace in the fact that at least the crapload of lettuce means I got some veggies in today, but holy hell, as far as the calorie/fat count, I might have been better having pizza or a burger. For serious. Which is sad, because I love this place's caesar salad like a fat kid loves cupcakes.

As a former 'fat kid' who loved cupcakes, I'm totally allowed to say that.

Second, I went out for a drink and to watch some live music and made the mistake of order a premium draft instead of the regular light bottled beer I'm accustomed to. And then another. Then when I asked the waitress, she confirmed that the draft is served in 16 oz glasses, not 12 oz which was the impression I was laboring under.

I did, however, manage to avoid ordering some of the nachos that my friends had ordered, since I was not actually hungry. (On a side note, the entertainment, a fellow by the name of Brett Caswell, put on a lovely show).

Thirdly, I came home and had two pieces of processed cheese and a slice of chicken bologna when I really should have just gone to bed.

I toyed with the idea of just letting them slide, but after a night's sleep I got up and decided to add them to yesterday's tally, because one of my biggest issues is keeping myself accountable.

Now I am here and it's another day, and I'm glad I have a ton of stuff to do to keep myself
busy, as weekends are the worst time for mindless snacking, especially when the kiddies aren't here. The days I work are easy-peasy compared to weekends, as my days are much more structured and I can meal-plan more easily. Weekends tend to be less structured and if I'm at home, I have a habit of grazing, and if I'm on the run I end up eating out a lot, and drinking - gotta love those liquid calories - and meeting for coffee and such.

My family, for better or worse, doesn't do much for thanksgiving. We're pretty close, it's not a dysfunction thing, it's just that Thanksgiving is not a high-priority holiday. I may celebrate with a turkey sandwhich at some point this weekend. I think I have some cajun turkey breast.

Mmmm.. cajun turkey breast. Gobble Gobble, folks!

Conversations with my kid: Fun with short-forms

In the car Reegs is eating pizza that her dad made.

"Mmm... Dee-Lish!  If I take the 'Shus' off then end that means it's MORE than delicious."

Rip-snortin' ass-kickin' Sunday Round-up

Pretty darn good.  That's probably my best way to describe this weekend.  No complaints here.

Friday night I picked up some Sushi for dinner at the local RCSS, and since they've changed the delivery day to Friday, it was very very fresh.  I really want to go out for actual restaurant sushi but I'm good with grocery store grade in the meantime.

Headed down to the Legion for karaoke with mom and Sharon.  Dad was already there for darts.  I haven't been out since before Christmas so I was having some withdrawal.  Ended up having a blast and getting some work out of the deal.  Looks like I might have a gig hosting the karaoke night on my kid-free Fridays.  I go in on the 11th so that Lance, our current KJ can train me on the equipment.  Pretty awesome.  Some extra cash to go towards my house-downpayment-fund for two nights work a month, for being where I might already be any given Friday.  Can't beat that.

Speaking of house hunting, mortgage calculators of the ilk that you find on real estate sites are bullshit, and depressing as hell.  According to the mortgage calculator, I can afford roughly $278 a month for a mortgage (which puts me at about $38,000 for a house.  I can't get a mobile home for that little around here).  I pay $700 bucks a month rent, plus hydro and I am not behind on my bills, and I'm managing to pay down my debt so CLEARLY I can afford more than $278 a month for a mortgage.

So eat me, mortgage calculator.

Back to happier things.  While at the Legion a group of about 10 snowmobilers/cottagers from Strathroy come walking in, most of them around my age (couple older dudes, and at least one paperboy).  My first thought, as one of the youngest available women in the Legion was "Oh! Hello Boys! Happy Birthday to Me!"

Normally I'm about as socially awkward as they come but on Friday, whether it was the beer or just a general sense of well-being and oneness with the world coupled with just feeling like holy-shit-I-am-one-hawt-mamma I was kind of on that night and lapping up the attention, especially from one of the cuter guys, who bought me a beer and asked for a dance.  He was a riot, and we spun and twirled and made clumsy attempts at dipping while his friends hooted and hollered and we all sang along to any given songs.  What a fun bunch they were, and I was feeling full of confidence.

Saturday I got up and went into town to take some clothes to the Salvation army and attempted to find a plain wood frame I to use for this print that I bought at the craft sale I did a few weeks back.  I can't for the life of me remember the photographer's name but if I remember it I will link back. In the meantime, please, no one steal this image, kay?  I'd feel really bad if you did.   'preciate it.  I just want a plain wood frame so I can paint it.  I'm thinking either red with white polka dots, or black with white polka dots.

Got a source now - Corey Ramsbottom Photography

Saturday afternoon I went ice skating with my friend Tessa and her boyfriend and her kids.  My ankles felt like jelly and I think I need to invest in some hockey skates.  I think they'd be more conducive to my skating style than the figure skates I currently have.   We left soon after Tess fell and bruised her arm pretty good, which was unfortunate and quite surprising since Vegas odds would be on me being the one that wiped out, but I miraculously didn't fall once.

Saturday night I grabbed my guitar and headed to the local church for their coffee house night.  I showed up a bit late so as a result I was dead-last on the roster, but I held out and managed to get a few songs in.

Here's what I played:

When I Come Back - NQ Arbuckle and Carolyn Mark (I posted a vid of myself playing this a while back.  You can see it here)

I Make the Dough, You Get the Glory - Kathleen Edwards (I've always kind of considered her a poor-man's Sarah Harmer, but I enjoy this tune a lot.)


Tina's Glorious Comeback - Dan Mangan (Future Husband and Stepfather to my children.  I wish.)

If You're Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough - Karen O (This song is fun as hell to play)

Just a little Open Mic Ettiquette 101.  Everyone wants a chance to play.  If the mode number of songs people are playing is four, it might be poor form to play seven,  you know?

Because I was very last on the bill, I was a little late to catch the free show being put on by Run With The Kittens at one of the local restaurants, but I did manage to make it about halfway through their first set.  I've never actually heard of them before, but I found them enjoyable.  Their sound is an odd mix of experimental sounds and blues-based rock.  When I listened to them, all I could think of was the Moldy Peaches tune Downloading Porn with Davo (NSFW people).  Later I found a similarity to catl as well.

Sadly, although a great restaurant, I found the Explorer's Cafe lacking as a live music venue.  Lacking space to move, that is, so I left at the intermission as my claustrophobic tendencies were making me a bit twitchy.

Today was laundry and grocery shopping day.  I met up with my mom and sister at the seventh circle of hell and promtly informed them that I was totally compromising my principles just to hang out with them, because I rarely shop at Wal-Mart if I can avoid it.

Feeling accomplished as I managed to make both Jello and Rice Krispie Squares for the girls lunches. Making them homemade is way cheaper than buying these things. A box of Jello costs about 69 cents and makes around six servings.. a pack of jello cups is about 2.99 and they have four.

With a box of Rice Krispies (4.99), three bags of marshmallows (@1.27 each, so $3.75 let's say) and a half pound of butter (1.50) you can make 4-6 dozen rice Krispie squares.  A box of 8 individually wrapped ones are about 2.99.  Plus by making the stuff, you get around the litterless lunch manifesto of the schools.

Don't get me wrong,  I love the idea of a litterless lunch, and we should all do our parts to cut down on garbage.  But telling a kid to take a granola bar out of it's wrapper and bring it in a container is bullshit.  And I doubt the school is going to come to my house and wash all my bloody plastic containers.  So I tell the girls "No, it's not litterless, but it's still less litter."

home made is nice but sometimes I like to leave food prep to the professionals

I'm at the grocery store, and I'm looking for guacamole.  This is a FoodBasics, so it's not like a high-end grocery store.  I check the aisle with all the dips and such and find nothing.  So I head to produce because sometimes they have dressings and stuff.

Me:  Do you know where I might find guacamole?
Stockboy #1: Hmm.. i'm just produce, so I'm not really sure, but I can ask someone.  We do have avocadoes if you want to make your own.

I've made my own guacamole before, and it turns out I'm not very good at it.

Me: I've made my own, I'm pretty bad at it.  Rather just buy it pre-mixed.

I follow the guy about 6 aisles over to another guy.  They discuss.

Stockboy #2:  Are you the lady that needs help?
Me: Yup, sure am.
Stockboy #2:  Here, follow me.

I follow him back to the first aisle that I check.  He scans the shelves.  Looks perplexed. 

Stockboy #2:  *sighs dramatically* They've moved it.  Hold on a second.

Leaves, coverses with a woman in the bread section.  Returns.

Stockboy #2:  So it turns out we don't carry guacamole anymore.  We used to but now we don't.  We have avocados though, if you want to make your own.
Me: I've made my own, I'm pretty bad at it.  Okay, thanks anyway.

Take the girls to the check out.  Explain that we'll be going to another store after this.

Me: We'll go to Foodland after this, they'll have some.
Cashier:  Was there something you weren't able to find.
Me:  Yeah, guacamole.  You guys don't carry it apparently.
Cashier:  Oh.

Pause.

Cashier:  We have avocados.

Me:  ....

Half-assed Sunday. No, it really is.

I feel out of sorts today.  I guess it's a combination of cabin fever, a few disconcerting conversations and just.. I don't know... February blahs.  There's something odd in the air I suppose.

Yesterday I made a giant pot of spaghetti sauce and while I was cooking it I was struck with the urge to put out a mass-dinner invite via the Facebook.  Sadly about 80% of my R.S.V.P's were from people who live 12 hours away or further.  I had fun imagining how awesome it would be if they had all showed up.  I think this spring and summer I'm going to make a point to entertain more.  As it was, Kay and her daughter came over for dinner, so that was fun.

After not talking since before Christmas, I contacted the most recent ex just to say hi and see how he's doing.  After a few minutes I kind of regretted it and wished I had left well enough alone.  It wasn't really anything that was said, it was just kind of awkward.  Maybe this means I'm getting over it.  Hrmph.

For reasons unknown, a completely random post that I wrote back in September, has been getting a number of hits today.. according to the rather vague analytics that Blogger gives us, they seem to be coming from Facebook.  14 hits today, which is a lot in one day, when you look in proportion to the traffic this little blog generally gets, and when you consider that as far as posts go, it was a bit of a non-entity.  Just a few random thoughts that were in my head that day.

We had a spell of warm weather this week but now the snow and wind seems to be back with a vengeance.  Blargh.  This weekend has been all down-time, just organizing my closet, doing a ton of laundry and yeah.  It's nice but I'm kind of bored now.

Well, I'm off to check the dryer, which has been taking a stupidly long time to, you know, dry things even though I've cleaned the lint thing. 

I think one of my stitches from my wisdom teeth is coming out.  That's lovely.

This has been a

Go visit the Simple Dude.  What do you have to lose?

Isla de Encanta - Day Seven - Last night in Puerto Plata

Yup, so apparently the day I flew in did NOT count as one of my days, so my seven day trip actually had eight days.

Author's note:  I had two wisdom teeth extracted yesterday.  I apparently have the healing abilities of friggin' Deadpool because I was able to go to work today and have taken maybe three T3's in the last 36 hours for pain.  Or fun.  Whatever.

Photo Credit

"Hankering for a Spankering."  Heh.

So Thursday morning I got up and hopped on the hotel interwebs once again to try and get a hold of Karen, but with little luck.  After depositing some towels and bags on some beach chairs, I tried calling out, and got a hold of Ryan who informed me that she was on a bus on her way to Puerto Plata as we spoke.  Since we weren't sure where exactly the bus was going to drop her off, I sent out a series of text messages, and eventually figured out that the bus had dropped her off just outside of the Playa Dorada compound.   The three of us set out on foot to find her, which we eventually did, wandering around out near the shopping center. 

Not having seen each other for about 8 months, we did a comedic slow motion Chariots of Fire run at each other as a means of saying "Hi".  As we made our way back to the hotel we decided to hire a cab to take us into Puerto Plata proper for a few hours so we could shop for souvenirs for the kiddies and get some lunch.  Karen negotiated the cab for us.  It was quite a sight to see my very blonde, Irish/scandinavian looking friend speaking fluent Spanish with the cab driver, while negotiating as well as through most of the ride to town.

Note on Dominican traffic.. holy hell am I glad I never followed through with my plan to rent a car to go to Santo Domingo, because drivers there are friggin' NUTS.  I'm pretty sure there's no posted speed limit, and people actually honk to communicate to other drivers, rather than as a mere expression of road rage.  Oh and we saw a couple carrying a barbecue.  On a frickin' MOTORBIKE.  Yeah.

The driver took us to a flea market type place, where we explored the various stalls that mostly had a lot of the same stuff that we had seen in the other flea market, and in the mall and being sold by the wandering beach vendors.  There was one stall that had a lot of potions and powders and voodoo-ish type stuff, including baby dolls hanging from the ceiling with blood-stains (fake or real, I don't know).  It looked kind of like my house at halloween, and I finally understood what some people meant when they said that dead baby dolls were disturbing.

We had lunch at a local restaurant, but still tourist-board approved so as to avoid all that pesky cholera and whatnot.  I attempted to order off the menu in Spanish but probably came off like kind of a dink.  The restaurant had a neat atmosphere.. it appears run down, but when you look closely, the chipped plaster and exposed brick is all painted on.  I had some fried chicken, but the meat portion was huge and I couldn't finish it all.  Over lunch we all got caught up on what had been going on in our lives and Kiki told of her varying adventures in academia abroad.

After lunch we went to a large department store which was basically the Dominican equivalent to Zellers or Wal-Mart.  They had shirts on for super cheap and I thought about adding to the collection, but instead bought a lovely tramp-top to wear out for my last night on the island.  Oddly, the large box store was the only place we went where they would NOT accept U.S. dollars, which I found odd.

We came back to the hotel afterwards but were informed that without paying upwards of 60 bucks for a day pass we wouldn't be able to bring Karen into the hotel.  Fortunately Reynaldo, a friend we made at the hotel informed us of a public access to the beach that we could get to by crossing this huge empty field.  while we were making our way across I kept getting struck with the idea that snipers were going to start shooting at us from nearby buildings.  Weird, I know.

After chilling out on the beach for an hour or two, we walked Karen back to the bus so she could head over to another resort to visit her cousin who was also in the country that week.  We got caught in a rainstorm on the way out, only the second instance of rain we had the whole week (the first being a light mist the day we went on the Runners excursion). 

I may have napped.  I am not sure.  Maybe that was the day before.  We may have gone straight to dinner.  No, no, that's not right.  We ran into our "Family" and insisted on having a family portrait taken, then ran into some of our H-town buddies who would be leaving on the same flight the next day, then we got dressed for dinner one last time at Michaelangelos, and one last awesome canneloni.

After dinner we sat out by the pool bar and attempted to play some cards until the disco opened but we discovered the card pack had two Jacks of spades so our three-handed Euchre game was thwarted and we were left with crazy eights, which gets old fast.  We watched one of the live shows which was pretty cool, and we danced with a couple of the animators, one of which took a shine to K, but would prove to be a giant ass-hat later in the evening.  While at the disco I met up with Alain from Quebec again who invited us to come to Coco Bongo, but at the time it didn't look like we were going to go.  After we started chatting with one of the couples who had been on our excursion, Paul and Katherine, a lovely couple from Quebec as well, said they were going to go check it out, we all changed our minds and decided to go.

At Coco Bongo's K's wee admirer started being a douchehat and had her really upset, to the point where when our Hamilton friends showed up, they were called into do damage control, as this guy had her freaked right out.   They were good guys and helped her out.  Later we told our friend Reynaldo about it, and asked if this was just a cultural thing we didn't pick up on and he pretty much confirmed, "No, that guy's just a dick."  While at the bar I had run into my friend the Quebecker, who after some conversation asked if he could come by my room to say hi.  For reasons unknown I said sure (and no, it actually had little to do with alchohol).  After the awkward situtation with the sketchy douchehat Kaylee and I had gone back to the hotel and talked for quite sometime, so I was surprised when Mindy showed up (she had left the bar earlier due to back issues) and told me that he had been looking for me.  More surprised I was when about half an hour after I got back to my room there was a knock at my door.  So I let him in and we visited (okay, shit, made out) for a bit, before I sent him back to his room.  Hey, the deal was just to say hi.  Amiright?  Yeah, thought so.  Hey, it was my last night there.  Sue me.

Isla de Encanta - Day Three. I HAVE A MOOOONKEEYYYYY

"I can hardly fathom a breakfast buffet that does not have BACON." - Vacation journal 01/30/11

Yeah.  Breakfast buffet and NO BACON.  Little sleep as well.  We were in fine shape on Sunday morning after being out until 5 am.  I am told that the morning after I left, there was bacon at breakfast.  Kaylee even took pictures to prove it.  But all week, no bacon.  Half decent potatoes, half decent eggs.. soggy french toast and coffee that is a very small step down from Espresso. And no bacon.

Had orientation 2.0 since I went with the girls to theirs then we tried to get the room situation all sorted out.  Since there were no double-occupancy rooms left, they gave the girls a suite (yeah, kitchen, sitting room etc) across the way from me.  It was pretty sweet.  Nyuk.

I didn't even bother taking pictures of my room.  I probably spent more time in theirs.

Sunday was a beach day, so we got some drinks and headed for the sand.  I was approached by the vendor, Elsa who had offered to braid my hair the previous day.  I did kinda want to get it done, so I got it over with and ended up saving myself a lot of harassment for the rest of the week.  The beach vendors are so aggressive.  It's all you can do to just stop making eye contact.  However there was one guy that consistently made us giggle over the course of the week.  He was selling stuffies and as he came down the beach he'd call out
"I HAVE A MONKEYYYYY!  MONKEYY SEEEEEE, MONKEY DOOOOOO!"

Holy hell.. I just found a video of the monkey man!  Sweet Jesus!!



(unrelated note.. I now have Tweeter and the Monkey Man in my head. Headstones version as opposed to the Wilburys. I've been thinking about Hugh Dillon a lot lately.)

We threw around a joke that we could bastardize the monkey call into a dating call-to-action (" I have a Vagina!!" but never really put that theory to test.  Yes, we're pretty much nuts.

After the beach, we got ourselves all gussied up and hit Edens' Grill for dinner in honor of Miss K's birthday.  As mentioned, I had pre-arranged a cake and when we showed up they had put balloons on the chairs and rose petals on the table.  Out of the two a la carte restaurants we only ended up eating at the grill the one night.  When they brought out the cake, it was.. well, interesting, to say the least.

First, I wrote down her name.  Second, I love how you can tell by the smeared chocolate that this was actually the second (or maybe third?) attempt at writing the message.  Guess what's getting sent to CakeWrecks.com?

We disco'd again that night, but all in all it was a fairly early evening.

WWWednesday - has been pre-empted

WWWednesday will not be seen this week.  The pinkeye has kept me from the meeting, plus I'm still iffy on this whole PointsPlus thing.  No, I'm annoyed, honestly.

Oh.  And I'm pretty sure I've eaten about a million cookies this week... so it's better that I don't know.

Rough week.

WWWednesday - A corporation is a corporation...

.. is a corporation.

Oh yeah.  Down 1 lb this week.  *slow clap*

I'm feeling disillusioned with the program this week, but on a scale much grander than my usual "This is hard, wahhhhh" type disillusionment.

So Weight Watchers rolled out their new Points Plus program this week.  The difference here is supposed to be where the old Points program assigned foods a points value based on a food's fibre, calories and fat contents, the new system also incorporates protein and carbohydrate contents into the points value.  As a result some foods, such as fruits, go down in value and some go up.

I mean, in theory it makes sense, right?  Sure.

Here's what irks me.  In the four years I've been with this program, I have been witness to no less than four program roll-outs.  I have paid enough money (not even including recipe books and guides) into the program that I could probably bank roll the education of all of Fluorine Mark's children and still had enough for a nice dinner.  Myself, being the el cheapo I am, haven't bothered much with the peripherals of the program.. the measuring spoons, the fancy journals, the walking tapes, the fancy electronic points calculators.. no, aside from the initial food guides the first year I joined and 2-3 recipe books, I pretty much pay my weekly fees and that's it.

Boy sometimes I'm glad to be a tightwad.

Back to the reason for my aggravation.  Basically, this new points system renders all the old books, accessories, trackers, calculators absolutely moot and irrelevant.  And if there is one thing that gets my plus-sized panties in a bunch, it's planned fucking obsolescence.

So those people who did shell out for the fancy calculators, the food guides, and all that fun stuff, have got to do it again.  With the old program, you could get the fancy calculator or you could use the paper sliding graph that was provided with your WW package.  Now because of all the variables involved, they couldn't effectively design a paper slider, so you pretty much HAVE to buy the fancy electronic calculator.  They were marked down from $15 to $5 as a promotion for the opening week.  I bought one, but I was NOT happy about it.

 

An early version of the paper points finder.

Fancy pants electronic calculator.  Yes, I totally stole this pic from Amazon.  That's what the little camera means.

Frankly, the whole thing seems like a money-grab to me, and I said this to the ladies at the meeting today.  Let's change the whole program around, and bring in all new tools and materials.

Let's face it, although it touts itself as a lifestyle, and a support group, it's foolish to forget that above all Weight Watchers is a giant money-making machine, a corporation.  Sure it looks good on paper, in all reality, no matter what your mission statement may be, we know in the corporate world that the real mission is getting as much money out of the little guy (or the bigger gal) as humanly possible.

I've got some thinking to do.

Xmas party day woooo!

One of the benefits of working for a smaller company as opposed to a giant corporate conglomerate is that you get to have fun while you work.  I've never worked for any corpo-giants, but I've heard it sucks pretty hard.

Generally when I complain about my job, I'm generally complaining about the actual duties involved, especially on the CSR end of it.  I'm actually pretty fortunate that I get to work in an environment where I genuinely like everyone I work with.  It's a pretty fun bunch.

For Friday afternoon, HR organized a bit of a scavenger hunt/poker run for the afternoon.  We got to team up and (literally) run around town figuring out clues and trying to beat the others back to the office.  Since the rules didn't specifically say NOT to use a car, I got to do a bit of stunt driving.  Which was probably good, since I'm not a runner.  Although at one point the other girl on my team and I did end up running for about two and a half blocks, which for me, is pretty impressive.  I could NEVER have done that a few years ago.  Or hell, a few months ago.

As it turned out, even with my wicked awesome stunt driving, we ended up being the third team back to the office.  However, we did manage to score the highest poker hand.  Go Team Blitzen!

The run didn't last as long as anticipated so we all went back to work to finish up last-minute-before-the-weekend stuff, but still got to get out relatively early.  Headed to my friends place so we could get ready and all dolled up.

I clean up kinda nice.

Similar to weddings, bringing a date to a staff function when you're not engaged in any kind of long-term relationship can be a tricky thing.   There's those possibilities that they'll be bored, or sullen, or get obnoxiously drunk and that you'll end up wishing you just went by yourself.

Fortunately, this was not an issue.  My date and I had a lot of fun, and he got along well with everyone, and I was glad to have brought him.  If you see this, good on ya ;-)

As with each the past 3-4 years I've been with this company (this was my fourth staff party) they put on a really nice night.  Good spread, I had a rather excellent stuffed chicken and a chocolate mousse for dessert.

High Class Noms.

One of our graphic designers set up a project and had jib-jabbed the entire staff into a roughly 20 minute presentation featuring every single staff member.  Some of the images may be burned into my retinas for years to come.  To clarify, I'm sure most have see those 'Elf Yourself' musical numbers that come around at christmas and get more and more elaborate with each passing year?  That's what I mean when I say we were 'jib-jabbed'.

Each staff member also got a personalized nameplate complete with witty caption related to each persons position, quirk, foible or favorite saying.  Mine was 'Please sir, I just need you to FOCUS.'

In customer service land this apparently is an acronym for 'Eff Off Cuz U Suck'.  It's handy.

There were gifts and speeches and I have a lovely giftcard and bottle of wine.  Twas a good night.  If the management is reading this, thanks and good on ya!  

In relation to past parties, this was one of the rowdier years.   After dinner was over, about half the staff headed out to a.. sorry, THE local bar (we lack night life) and I'm pretty sure we made up about half the patrons at Bleachers that night.  There was much dancing to be had.

The next morning I got up semi early as my youngest (who was with her dad this weekend) was scheduled to be in the Santa Claus parade.  Post-night-out roughness notwithstanding, I made arrangements to hitch a ride into town with my mom and sister as the my car was still at the restaurant from the night before.  How responsible am I??  No drinking and driving for this girl.  The weather was dead cold and I had quite the headache (I don't think I mentioned the open bar...) and normally I hate parades.  With the exception of the Toronto Zombie Walk and the Toronto Pride Parade.   But parades in the wind and cold are bullshit, esp when not feeling your best.

So I hope the little knows how much her mom likes her.

I said to my sister "I'm not gonna lie.  As soon as I see R's float go by, I'm leaving."  Karma must have heard me because it would be my luck that she was on the LAST EFFIN' FLOAT.  An hour and half I swear I was in the cold.   Ahh well.  It was worth it though as she looked so happy to get to ride up on the float with Santa of all people.  Just adorable.  I'd post pics but I'm wary of even using my kids' names here, let alone posting pics.  But take my word for it, she was about as cute as it gets.

Freezing cold I made my way back to the car to find it blocked in by a large cube van.  Lovely.  By the time the car warmed up though, someone came and moved it.  Went to Barrie, did some christmas shopping, visited some friends on the way home.  Today I launder and clean and blog and eventually pick my kids up.  Going to town to watch a friend's girls sing in a choir thing, so with the roads being so shitty, I don't really want to go into town twice.  I'm soooo shelling out for snow tires or even all seasons this year.

WWWednesday - No big surprises here.

Up 3.5 lbs this week.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I can explain.

After last week's disappointment and subsquent breakdown, I decided I was going to take a much needed break.  A break from counting points, looking at nutrion labels, measuring stuff etc.  A break from meal planning.  A break from constantly thinking and being aware of every last thing that goes into my mouth.

I basically decided eff it, I'm going to eat what I want, when I want, for one week.  Wine.  Pizza.  McDonalds.  Pop.  Chips.  (there was some healthy stuff too.. I made fajitas one night..  pork chops and veggies another night - really my days weren't too far off, it was more the evenings where I had let loose)

Yeah. This pretty much sums up my week.
It was AWESOME.

Yeah, I basically spent a week polluting myself.  And I'm paying for it.  But I tell ya, a gain after a week like this is a lot easier to take than busting my ass for a week and gaining.   I feel like I've earned this one.  YEah, it's gonna take like three weeks to lose this again, but I REGRET NOTHING.

What this has helped me realize is that this is why I need to stick with my program.  Because if I say screw it and go back to all my old habits, it's not going to be long at all before I'm back up to my old, unhealthy weight.  So I shall struggle on.  

It also made me aware of the changes in my body and appetite.  The night we went to McDonalds, I had a double-cheese burger and a small order of french fries and found myself stuffed to the point where I really was feeling uncomfortable and it occurred to me that where four years ago I'd still be hungry at that point, now I could have probably survived with just the burger.  Same goes with pizza.  I used to be able to eat 4-5 slices of a medium or large pizza and now I'm good, if not too full, after two.

So with these realizations in hand, I'm ready to get back on the program again.  Word has it that next week they're starting a new program and points values are also going to incorporate protein and carbohydrates and the like into the points values, which means a lot of things like fruit are going to have a zero value.  I'm not sure how i feel about it as it seems kind of arbitrary, but I'll give it a shot.

Until next week.. (okay, well obviously I'm going to post in between, but you know what i mean)

WWWednesday - Avert your eyes boys, we're talking lady stuff.

Let that be a warning to you.. veiled references to icky lady stuff ahead.

So, down 1.5 lbs this week, so yay for that.  I feel like that's fair for the amount of effort I put in this week.  I managed to track up until Saturday morning before I kind of fell apart and stopped writing.  No, wait, friday night.  The post-bar snacky-time got to me.  The liquid points 'tweren't too bad.. one beer at the Legion, then later one beer at Bleachers.  In all though, I think I only went a little over this weekend.  So yay me.

I think part of my issue last week may have been horomonal... It sucks, near the end of my cycle (and I'm sure others can relate to this) I put on about 2-3 lbs regardless of my weight-loss efforts, which tend to be hampered by that general sense of lethargy/frustration/outandoutbitchyIDON'TWANNAness that comes with PMS.

And I get ravenously hungry.  All. The. Frickin' Time.  I'm not talking emotional/bored hungry.  Like, I mean I've just had breakfast, and while driving to work my stomach starts growling.. so I drink a bunch of water and have a banana or something mid-morning.  Then by Noon I'm STARVING all the while going "What the effin' eff?? I've eaten twice already!!"

By three o clock I'm irritable as all hell.. have a sensible snack, like some fruit, or a yogurt, all the while craving something battered, fried, greasy, with lots of cheese and.. oh hell.. chocolate and a giant Mocha-frappo-dappo-choco-cino to wash it down with.. and beer too.

Did I mention I work right above a Tim Hortons?  And that their Cherry Cheese Danishes are freaking amazing?  Yeah.  I'm almost glad they're not letting vets sell poppies, because it gives me one additional reason not to go down there and further sabotage myself.

But long story short, all this premenstrual BS (the guys who have been brave enough to read this far are cringing now... MENSESMENSESMENSES!!! PEEEERIODDDDD!!!  Here guys, here's a video to distract you.  You may just learn something..) leads up to a whole lot of frustration.  Two Steps forward, one step back, and so forth.

So here's a couple of small steps I made this week:

• Bought whole wheat bread.
• Did some pushups and curls at home, completely of my own volition
• Added cucumbers and substituted wheat bread to my regular 6" Roast beef sub

Oh, here's something disturbing I found today while trying to calculate my points for said sub:  My Roast Beef Sub with lite Mayo and cheddar cheese works out to about 8 points on the weight watchers plan (by the way, here's a good link for people who are trying to follow the plan but may not have all the tools - it's got the points calculator, and a chart for tabulating what your point allowance should be based on your weight and height.  Mind you, it doesn't take into account your job, or gender or age.) Curious, I checked out my other favorite Subway sub, the Pizza sub.  11 freakin' points! Not even including the extra cheese i usually get, and the fancy bread (Italian herb and cheese).

That Roast Beef sammich is sounding a whole lot better.

WWWednesday. Frustration and Halloween Candy.

Up 2 lbs this week.  Frustrated beyond belief.  Trying not to beat myself up over it.. but I know what the problem was.. I let the kids bring half their Halloween candy alone, and dammit, I just can't keep out of it.  So tomorrow it's going to their dad's whether they like it or not (not that the kids will complain, they're at his place this weekend anyway.)

I've got a short list of things I need to do to step up my game, some I've been attempting, such as tracking (which I lasted all of two and a half days last week.. ugh)

•  Switch to whole wheat, in regards to bread and pasta. More filling, and since I generally find it kind of gross, there will be less desire to have toast and such for snacks.
• Meal planning.. throwing something together at the last minute really throws me off.  Mondays and Wednesdays are tough for this since I never really know if I'm feeding the kids or if their father will feed them.
• Work out at home, outside of kickboxing and my afternoon walks.  I'm going to start trying to take 20 minutes a night just to go through some curls, push-ups (because holy crap, I can DO those now!!), squats, Jumping jacks etc.
• Fackin' TRACK.  Write that shit DOWN. 
• Keep my damn hands busy.  Pick up my guitar, or paintbrushes, or whatever when I get bored-hungry.  Hell, I could even clean my house.  Now THERE'S an idea. 

I've been writing my stuff down today although it's been a wholly depressing experience.  I'm glad I have class tonight, as it will help alleviate the groggy bloaty feeling I'm having now.  I need to clean out my cupboards at home too.. when I get my next pay (or hell, even before) I'm going to try and do a mass cooking weekend so I can make a shit load of stuff that can be frozen and such for future meals, so I can avoid the pizza/takeout/Kraft Dinner trap.

I'm frustrated.  And I could easily eat a couple of bowls of cinnamon toast crunch right now, as it's possibly my favorite cereal ever.   I bought the family size box so I could order the free T-shirt.  Now we each get one.

WWWednesday - In Sickness and In Health plus "Thwarted"

Weighed in today, down 3.5 lbs, which was pretty encouraging, however I think some of this could be sick-loss, as I've been feeling pretty craptacular this week.

I tracked for the first three days this week, Wednesday, Thursday and part of friday.  Even though I didn't track all of Friday I think I still managed to stay within my point limit.  Tracking for the rest of the week fell apart but obviously it wasn't a total loss. 

Saturday I walked for nearly three hours during the Zombie walk.  Sammi's mom had taken us out for lunch at a Sushi restaurant.  I ate until I was satisfied.  The platter we got was mostly sashimi (I think) so once all the rolls were gone, there wasn't much I was tempted to pick at.  We hit a McD's after the Zombie walk, and I ordered a burger.  It's pretty amazing to think that a few years ago I'd still be hungry after a combo, and now I'm good with a double burger and a coffee.  Crazy.

Sunday we went for Lunch at the Rainforest Cafe.  I was still feeling shitty (the cold I've been bitching about this week).  I had ordered A triple decker grilled cheese with fries, and I guess this could have proved disastrous, but I ended up having maybe half the fries, and half the sandwich.  The second half of the sandwich ended up going home and becoming my dinner.

The next couple of days I was on my ass with this cold, so I was basically subsisting on toast and soup, and more toast.  I loves me some toast.  I bought this friggin' "Just Peanuts" peanut butter a while ago, and all I have to say is Peanut butter just ain't peanut butter without a crap-ton of hydrogenated palm oil and other chemicals.  Just peanut Peanut butter seems oddly unnatural. 

In light of today's good fortune, I'm taking another crack at tracking this week.  Of course with Halloween coming up, that's gonna be a challenge.  One joy of being a single parent is that by taking my kids out, I don't have to shell out. Because I don't have to shell out, I don't have to buy candy.  So that's one obstacle out.  Because the ex-hubster is in the picture, parentally-speaking, I may be able to send the girl's halloween haul to HIS house (although their stepmom, having similar weight-loss goals, may object!), but at any rate, that potentially gets rid of another road-block.  I also have a party to attend, but if I decide to come home, I'll be DD-ing, which means my 'liquid points' will be minimal.

Ugh.  Speaking of road-blocks, I got bag-blocked this week.  No, it's not as dirty as it sounds.  Since July, my exercise regimen (although I use regimen loosely.. ) has included twice-weekly one-hour kick-boxing classes.  I was surprised at how enthusiastically I've taken to this sport, and within weeks I was making plans to clean out my shed (partly done) and install a punching bag.  Uncle Bucks had one in their front window, originally priced at $80.  With my summer bonus, I hemmed and hawed and ended up buying a bike instead, since at that point the shed was still a disaster, and I didn't even own gloves.

Some time went by and I decided when the next quarter's bonus came in I was definitely going to do it.  I went in last week and inquired about the weight and confirmed the price.  I had seen others on Kajiji for around $50 so my plan was to haggle with them, as it had been in the window for quite some time.  They told me it had been marked down to $45.

So a day or two later got the cash out of the bank and after work I ran, panting into the store as the young guy I'd spoken to previously was putting the second-hand bikes back inside the store in preparation for closing time and declared "I've come for the bag!"  to which he informs me that he just sold it earlier that day.

"ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME?" I yelled in the middle of the street.  Yes'm right there on the sidewalk.  Damn thing had been in the front window for no less than three months, and someone buys it out from under me the day I finally decide to suck it up and shell out the cash. This is what I get for being cheap.

So back to Kajiji I go, while I can still kind of afford it.  Barring that, there's always Christmas.  *wink, nudge*

WWWednesday - getting back on the wwwagon.

No, I'm not stuttering. The extra W's in wagon stand for Weight Watchers.

I weighed in at 175 this week, after not going to the meeting last week due to lack of funds. I'm not happy about this, and it's high time I kick my ass into gear again.

I started Weight Watchers in April of 2007 at my all-time high of 232 lbs. My legs hurt a lot, I had gastrointestinal issues, and I generally felt like shit, both emotionally and physically. I've generally been struggling with weight since I was a child but unlike a lot of women (and men) I've also been fiercely anti-diet. I've always kind of known that dieting doesn't work. I've known for years that what I needed to do is improve my eating habits. But I've always been a ridiculousy picky eater.

I don't mean to say I have some kind of sophisticated palate. No, I was, and in some ways still am, picky like a five year old.

As such, I've never really known how to make myself eat healthy. As a smoker with myriad health issues and a fundamental lack of co-ordination, the excercise portion of diet-and-excercise kind of eluded me as well.

But no less, something had to be done. Like I said, I was in craptacular health and I found myself becoming afraid that I was not going to see my children grow up. As I voiced these concerns to my mother, she finally said to me 'If it's a money thing, I will pay for you to do. You have to do SOMETHING." She was right. I signed up the next week, although I never ended up taking her up on her offer to pay for the membership.  All issues regarding body image and idealized beauty and such aside, I knew there was no effin' plane of existence where 232 lbs on a 5'5" frame could possibly be healthy.

So that was April 2007. It around that time that I also decided to quit smoking. In the beginning, I used a very simple method to keep myself accountable without shouting to the world "HEY! I'M LOSING WEIGHT AND QUITTING SMOKING! HOLY SHIT!" I kept two numbers in my MSN status line.. the first number was the number of smoke free days and the second number was pounds lost. Occasionally someone would ask "Hey, what's the deal with the numbers??" and I'd tell them of my decision to improve my health habits. Generally I'd be met with support. I liked it because I'm generally not comfortable with tooting my own horn (or if i do, it's usually in an over-the-top, ironically self-deprecating manner) so this allowed me to have some support without feeling the pressure of having EVERYONE know.

I think I need to make myself accountable to others for a while again if I'm going to make to my goal finally and not hit a back-slide into old habits. I think I'm going to post my progress on wednesdays, and while I'm there I can share some stories of the challenges and triumphs I've faced and continue to face on this journey. As of today I have a total of 56 lbs lost, and another 25 to go.


I will do this, dammit.

Me, December 2006 - 230 lbs

May 2010 - 173 lbs.