Sunday, March 11, 2012

Being a woman in public: just like wearing swastikas and shouting racist slogans

Well, I can't say I wasn't warned.

Tallulah Spankhead of the Lady Garden warned readers not to, under any circumstance, read the comments on this article about a woman who was assaulted in a well-known "problem area" in Wellington, New Zealand.

I was told but did I listen? No. So of course I was subjected to the usual victim-blamey bullshit like women shouldn't expect to be able to just walk anywhere without being assault, like actual people.

My personal favorite was Comment 19 from Scott:
Its not about blaming the victim, its about common sense about keeping yourself safe. Its like walking into south Auckland with a swastika on your head shouting racist slogans. Sure you can do it and in a perfect world it would be your right to free speech but your a dumbass if you do.

So the very act of being a woman in public is akin to wearing swastikas and shouting racist slogans? Our very existence is provocation to violence? AWESOME.

I love the "in a perfect world, but it's not a perfect world" bullshit attitude. It's not a perfect world but it's definitely not going to improve as long as people keep shrugging their shoulders and saying "Well, that's the way it is."

That's not the way it has to be. We can start by placing blame for assault squarely where it lay - on attackers.


  1. THANK YOU! This kind of attitude is infuriating. Calling it "common sense" IS blaming the victim. Yeah, "How dare women be equipped with features that makes dickheads think she's vulnerable." At least she was able to fight off her assailant. Screw "Scott".

  2. Dear Lord how ridiculous, like saying "Well I only hit her because she annoyed me" nothing makes it ok

  3. What do you expect when even the lawmakers are saying shit like "it's okay to be a bully as long as your prejudices are inspired by religion."

  4. The thing I don't get is that it seems that we get blamed for having things that attract men. Like tits and ass. I'm sorry, but I didn't get a choice in the matter when I got brought into this world. Is it my fault I was born female therefore becoming a woman with items on my body that attract men? I think I'm going to go to a strip club tonight and sexually assault a (male) stripper, because that's okay, he's dressed they way he is because he's "asking for it". Right? I can see his shlong so that must mean he wants me to sexually assault him. Somehow I don't see these same people agreeing with me on the same topic with roles reversed.

    1. Don't you know? Men can't get sexually assaulted.

      A woman can't rape a man, because if he got hard then he wanted it.

      And if it was another guy, well clearly he's gay. Whether he wanted the sexual contact or not.


  5. Yeah, I'm so terribly sorry that I had the audacity to walk in public with my nice rack. Perhaps I should have left the boobs at home today.
    As long as we put ANY responsibility on women, we are failing women AND men. We fail women by putting them in a role they do not deserve, and we fail men by acting as if they have no personal responsibility.
    Shaking my head...

  6. This is SO true. I'm tired of hearing the excuses of "well, did you SEE what she was wearing? She was asking for it." or "What did she expect wandering around in the evening unescorted?!" That's all bullshit. I should be able to wear a miniskirt and walk to the effing store unsupervised without having to worry about being attacked, and if I am attcked, without hearing that I was asking for it.

    I guess it was that little girls fault for being molested, what the hell was she doing so close to a pedophile? She was asking for it.

    Women, men, children, rarely go around asking to be attacked. It's the attackers that are to blame. Not the clothing, not the location, not the time.

  7. Oh my, that is just... ridiculous!

    I mean, yes - we all make mistakes. We all do things that we should have been more cautious about - we walk down dark alleys or have too much to drink or you go into a bad neighbourhood - but those mistakes don't mean the attacker gets off Scot free.

    The attacker, the person who perpetrated a crime, is still 100% responsible for the crime. A person might have made a mistake, but no one invites a crime onto themselves.

    If I went to a club with a strange man, had too much to drink, went back to his place but told him I didn't want to have sex with him, and he still had sex with me, he is 100% responsible for the actual criminal action. I might have made it easier for him, by making mistakes, but he's still the one that fully perpetrated the crime.

    And everyone makes mistakes. Everyone is careless from time to time. Everyone can do things 'better.'

    1. My favourite comment:

      "I know! i will take my million dollars out of the bank in cash, I wont put the money in my pockets or a suit case, I will just walk around with it exposed in my hands at 3 AM and then when someone robs me, I will say, OMG how could this happen to me?!?"

      Being a woman - now the same as carrying 1 million dollars in your hands. Not like one thing is a choice or anything.

  8. Common sense has its place in avoiding potential "situations". But that doesn't mean that making a mistake means someone has the right to take advantage of you. The victims put enough blame on themselves... everyone else needs to avoid adding to it.


  10. How infuriating.

    Nearly 17 years later, I still struggle with putting the blame with the attacker. And society pretty much convinces me I shouldn't.

    It's utter bullshit.

  11. If my 19-year-old son ever made such an infuriating and ignorant comment as Scott's, he'd be getting an earful! That boy needs some real women in his life to set him straight.

  12. Is "I'm not victim-blaming, but" the new, "I'm not racist, but?"

  13. Preach!

    I'm with you all the way on this. The world keeps getting worse because of this mentality.


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