A Final MFP Monday. Well, probably.

I haven't done an MFP Monday post in a while so I thought I'd let y'all know that since the beginning of the new year things have been going well.  I'm down about 8.5 lbs as of today and I've been sticking pretty well to my daily totals and getting a lot of walking and dancing and kick-boxing in.  I went to a friend's place this weekend and we had a great time.  I indulged a bit, but on the whole stayed fairly on track.  Even though I was dead-ass tired and so was she, Tess came over last night to play Just Dance for our Sunday night workout.  That's some dedication right there.

However, this will probably be my last update here as far as the weight-loss efforts go.  Those who want to know how I'm faring can come check out a new group blog I'm writing with a number of awesome ladies called Different Paths, Same Destination.  We just launched today and B has her introductory post up now, so I advise you to go check it out.  I'm really excited to see how this goes.  We'll basically be posting our progress, thoughts, trials, tribulations as we work towards our individual goals.

So it's likely that all my weight-loss stuff will be going on over there, and this will blog will continue to be its usual mishmash of fangirlishness, airing of grievances, social commentary, day-to-day life and random weird shit my kids say.

Friday Music Lurve: The Mountain Goats

So the comp is pretty much pooched at this point. My boxing day miracle was short-lived as a software update required me to restart and it just never came back. So after 6ish years I am faced with the prospect of computer shopping. Those who know me well know that big-ticket purchases generally make me itch and/or hyperventilate. I can put it off for a bit because my company was nice enough to gift us iPads for Christmas this year. A friend of mine came over to finally set up the router I was given, after I spent a few weeks struggling to figure out the bloody thing myself. So I'm all wifi'd and working from the iPad. I feel like I should name it. Maybe Jerry.

So onward and upward. I've been listening obsessively to The Mountain Goats for the last week or two, as those on my Facebook and my cubicle neighbors at work already know. I became aware of them a year or two ago after hearing 'Cubs In Five'. I thought it a quirky lo-fi tune and a great little passive-aggressive fuck you.

And the Chicago cubs will beat every team in the league
And the Tampa bay bucks will take it all the way to the top
And I will love you again
I will love you like I used to

Now, I'm no expert on baseball, but I'm pretty sure this is the equivalent of saying "yeah and monkeys might fly out of my butt."

(I really wanted to include a picture of Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell here but I haven't figured out how to scam pictures with this thing. Use your imagination. )

I started listening to them more this year as I discovered tracks off of The Sunset Tree and Talahassee. The last couple of days I've been setting up playlists of five or six albums and just listening for hours at work. I love the themes of encompassing passion and self-destructive love that seems to pop up. I don't know who writes the bulk of the lyrics but there's a feeling of not-quite-impotent rage that pops up again and again... The feeling of someone about to burst out of their shell and go absolutely apeshit on the place.

As someone who fancies herself both a bit of a musician and a bit of a writer, I've always been drawn to powerful lyrics. Here's a few samples of lines that have been running through my head.

From 'Up the Wolves'

I'm going to get myself in fighting trim
Scope out every angle of unfair advantage
I'm gonna bribe the officials
I'm gonna kill all the judges
It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage

From 'No Children'

I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I hope if I find the strength to walk out
You'll stay the hell out of my way

From 'This Year'

Then Kathy showed up and we hung out
Trading swigs from the bottle all bitter and clean
Locking eyes, holding hands
Twin high-maintenance machines

Again, still getting used to this iPad. I wanted to link to all these songs, but i'm sure all my readers are savvy enough to know how to go to YouTube and look them up.

I highly recommend you do.

I almost forgot. This is super-cute.

Mountain Goats sing The Mountain Goats

Canada has fake bands too, you know.

I'm kind of getting a kick out of HelloGiggles.com as a fun site for randomness and pop culture. (my massive girly-crush on Zooey Deschanel notwithstanding) However, I'm finding it unforgiveable that twice now they have posted articles on the best fake bands from movies and made glaring omissions.  Maybe it's a deep-seated prejudice against Canadian Content, or maybe they are just sadly ignorant of our offerings north of the border (god knows...  Canadians hardly recognize that we have a film AND a television industry, so I can't be too hard on the Americans).

The other possibility is that with the exception of my last choice, the bands I mention can only be considered 'good' if 'good' to you doesn't necessarily mean 'talented, with catchy tunes' but rather 'kind of goofy but nonetheless amusing as fuck.'

Here are some examples that have twice now been left off the list, and have thus prevented me from giving HelloGiggles full recognition as a credible pop culture website.

- OR -

Sometimes I just like to piggyback on other people's ideas.

Thunderface - Corner Gas

Source

Consisting of Hank on Vocals, Brent on guitar, Wanda on bass and Karen on drums, Thunderface decided to reunite for a show at the hotel after a 15 year hiatus, much to Paul's delight.  After kicking the Tragically Hip out of Brent's garage to practice, their one show is cut short by the fuzz, otherwise known as Davis (who is jealous that Karen got picked as drummer over him).




Rod Torfulson's Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuck - Kids in the Hall

Originally known as simply Armada, they're goal was to practice, always showing up on time and arrive having eaten.  The nameless singer played by Kevin McDonald basically did all the work, but was consistently over-ridden by bandmates Rod and Herman, whether it be to add backup singers, or even keep Kevin in the band (while keeping his songs).




The Zit Remedy/The Zits - Degrassi Junior High

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Joey Jeremiah, Derek "Wheels" Wheeler and Archie "Snake" Simpson only ever managed to write one song over their 3-4 year career and man, was it terrible but catchy in a way that after 12 hours of having it stuck in your head, you would begin to believe that the 'Something' that 'everybody wants' was probably something sharp to jab in your eardrum to distract you from this godawful song.  Still, you had to admire their persistence.  Maybe, I don't know.

(the only reason I can sit through this video is for the occasional glance at Clutch's ass)

You've been warned, though.

Hard Core Logo - Hard Core Logo

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All joking aside, this is really where I think the HelloGiggles article dropped the ball.  Hell, Barbie and the Rockers made it onto their list, but they somehow managed to miss possible the most bad-assed of fake bands.  I'm not saying this just because of my deep-seated desire to be the meat in a Hugh-Dillon-Callum-Keith-Rennie-Circa-1996 Sammich.

I can watch this movie over and over.  I will admit, I have judged people on their enjoyment of Hard Core Logo.  Who could watch the dysfunctional vaguely homoerotic relationship between Joe Dick and Billy Talent, the good-natured antics of Pipe Fitter and John Oxenbergers decent into madness and NOT want to join a punk band?

Well, I would.

Don't take this the wrong way, but to quote Mr. Joe Dick himself "You don't know shit from good chocolate, baby."



(I'm kidding, actually.  I just really wanted to used that line.  No hard feelings, k?)

I'm one step closer to world domination...

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I've just been given the Overlord Award from Bruce and Tucker the Puppymaster at Just Another Day in Paradise.

Three things that are gonna change now that I'm calling the shots:

First order of business:
People who blare their car stereos in parking lots at ungodly levels are to be placed in an echo chamber with their car stereos at full-volume, extra bass until their hearts explode in their chests.  (Yes, this is a BIG peeve of mine).

Second order of business:
It is now completely acceptable, legal and okay to, with complete impunity, slam those people who stand directly in front of building doors with said door, especially if said door has a large 'No Loitering within 15 meters' sign right in front of it for the purposes of preventing people from standing in front of said door in the first bloody place.

Final order of business:
There will be a 10 year moratorium on any film remake, reboot, or reimagining.  Also included in the moratorium  are prequels and extraneous sequels (unless based on a series of books, this limits filmmakers to one sequel per film) NO SEQUELS SHALL BE MADE TO FILMS OVER 20 YEARS OLD. 
Addendum: There will be no more live action movies based on beloved children's cartoons.  No more.  Just stop.  Really.  No. Really.  Knock it off.

That's right bear.  Back into the woods and the second dimension where you belong.  Source

Sadly my rule is a short-lived one, but I now get to pass my Overlord crown along to three lucky successors

Lori at Little Scotia/Vintage Witch, because she would be a benevolent overlord who would leave encouraging notes even when her minions do stupid effed-up shit like leave behind plastic containers from the recycling even though they are CLEARLY marked 1, because hey, she knows we're all trying our best here.

Lance at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog, because as overlord I am sure he would have some of most heinous 'popular' musicians of our times drawn and quartered in the town square for all us elitist music snobs to watch and cheer.  And I'm totally down with that.

D'Artagnan at Support Your Own Agenda because his blog title indicates that maybe he's already got plans for world domination, and I admittedly have a bit of  a blog-crush on him.

Being a T-Shirt Whore on the Interwebs is like being a Smack addict... well, anywhere there's a lot of heroin lying about.

Remember a while back when I told all y'all about my T-Shirt collection that is slowly taking over every-drawer in my dresser?

I'm finding blogging is leading me to a whole new world of T-shirt whoredom.  I'm not necessarily talking about 6 Dollar Shirts or the unfortunate but appropriately named T-Shirt Hell, but I refer to a recently discovered genre of T-shirts.

The Blog-Inspired Inside Joke T-Shirt.

I kid you not.  This year for Christmas, I may populate my entire Christmas list with Awesome T-Shirts I've See Around The Web That No One Will Get But Me And Other Blog Readers.

First, from Josh at The Comics Curmudgeon (along with the help of the other 'mudges, and the writers of Apartment 3G) is this gem here - The 'Too Fancy For Hoboken and Too Hot For Church' design:

Source

The fun one about this one, is you can get matching underpants.  UNDERPANTS.

Actually, I may bypass the T-shirt and arrange to have "Too Fancy for Hoboken and Too Hot for Church" engraved on my Tombstone.  How kickass would that be?

This next one is the handiwork of The Bloggess:

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I'm not sure if I like the shirt so much as I just love the story behind it.

But.. I'll admit, I have an ulterior motive behind writing this post about Awesome T-Shirts On The Web.

I do, it's true.  I am not proud.

Here it is.

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Sometimes I just can't wait for Christmas.  And I'm cheap as all hell, and I love, love, love me some free stuff.  And now, right now, right this very minute, the famous-as-well-as-infamous Aunt Becky of Mommy Wants Vodka is holding a contest to win one of her profanity-laden T-shirts.

And i want that one.  In purple.  Because it's true, purple should be a flavour. It's my second favorite color behind red.  If it was available in red, I'd get in in red, honestly.  But I like purple a lot as well.  When I'm old, I'm going to be one of those Red Hat Society ladies, and just wear a shit-ton of red and purple.  ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME.  and drink tea laced with bourbon with my red-and-purple-wearing friends, and man oh MAN is it going to be a kick-ass time.

So yes, go check out the contest.  In the meantime, until I can be a red-hat lady, I will be happy to wear my Aunt Becky T under my work clothes at my customer service job and when I am on the phone dealing with people who by rights shouldn't be capable of driving or owning property, I can look down my own top and think "Yes. 'Shut Your Whore Mouth, indeed."

And I will smile.

half-assedness and artistry

crafting is good for the stress levels so I thought I'd share some of the stuff I've completed lately.

But first!!

Guess what came in the mail today?  I won a blog challenge a week or so ago over a it's never too late to save a hopeless case and today I received, care of one ms. steph gas, this lovely tote bag from her store Rule 42 Inc.  You should go check it out, especially the custom t-shirt bags that I would love to make myself if I wasn't ridiculously intimidated by my sewing machine.  Seriously, it scares the shit out of me.

sexy, no?

I'm pretty stoked that she also addressed me the package with my full name and title, as requested:

click to enlarge.  my thumb is covering my address to prevent stalkers.

In the meantime I've been working on some fun stuff and in honor of the half-assed weekend post, I'll share:

This is a mirror that my friend gave me that had been kicking around her basement for the last four to five years.  It was originally a plain blond wood mirror.  I sanded the frame down and painted it with a bright red acrylic, then decided to do the inside perimeter in black.  I had inteded to do the entire frame red.  Then I used an enamel glass paint to do the zebra stripes in the corners.

It was pretty time-consuming, and I had to do it twice since the first time I used a brush-on varnish instead of a glaze (turns out there's a difference.. who knew?  I know, everyone but me.)  The varnish peeled half of the paint off.  I guess it hadn't quite settled.  So I had to scrub it all off and try again.

The second time around I used a spray-glaze that claimed to dry 'crystal-clear' so I just kind of sprayed the whole thing in this stuff and much to my chagrin, this resulted in a nice frosted-glass mirror that wasn't of much to anyone who actually wanted to, oh, I don't know.. look at themselves.  Out came the Windex and before it dried too much I managed to scrub most of the glaze off the reflected surface.  There's still a bit of a sheen from it though.

Next:

This is the completed frame that I had mentioned doing a few weeks back.  Finding a plain frame was a pain in the ass. I searched the salvation army and finally tried the Dollar stores, as usually they have plain frames in the arts and crafts section.  No luck though, couldn't find them.  So this is kind of a cheap dollar store plastic frame painted red, with black on the interior rim, and polka dots.

I still don't know the photographers name.  I'm thinking my dad might know.

Update:  So I was at the gas station the other day and I saw the guy who took the Betty Boop photo and remembering this entry and my earlier one, I ran up and asked him his name again for the sake of being able to properly credit him for his work.  His name is Corey Ramsbottom and he does a lot of scenic and landscape photography.  Check out his website here.

This one I'm pretty proud of:

Once again, dollar store frame which I happened to find while searching for the frame above, plus paint, and podge, and comic book leavings.  I love the way it turned out and I'm thinking of going back for a few more of these frames, because I'd love to make more of these.

A few weeks ago Facebook had a meme going around where you take the first five people on your friends sidebar (no refreshing!) and they become your team for the Zombie Apocalypse.  I got three of my best friends and two co-workers, whom I happen to like and respect.  Got bored so here's my rendering of my zombie apocalypse team:

I'm third from the left

So that's about all.  I'm off to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

this has been a half-assed weekend post, brought to you by a Simple Dude in a Complex World

Socks, you have been effectively rocked.

Just a few quick updates.

Went to Toronto with a friend to go see the Schomberg Fair for Canadian Music Week.  I was pretty much pathetically broke so Cory was cool enough to pay my way in and be my 'date' even though I wasn't going to put out (har har).  As always the guys guys in the band proved to be super-awesome to their fans and we got to be dweeby fangirls and hangout with Nate Sidon and Peter Garthside, and were suitably thrilled to find out that Pete's a local boy, as it turns out.  

I'm a nerd of epic proportions.

It was a pretty good show, although not quite surpassing last years show at the Horseshoe Tavern.  I think the sound-mixing was a little off, and as a result the vocals were not fantastic, but otherwise, pretty kickass show.  My socks were effectively rocked.  The two opening acts (the Treasures and Northcote) we caught were pretty good too.

Ugh, by the way, I fuckin' hate people who get stupid drunk and try to pick fights at shows.  Some chick very sloppily bumped into me a number of times, and when I turned around to say 'Uhm.. yeah, about that?' she started making that weird "I've got my eye on you" gesture at me.  What.  The.  Fuck.  Ever.  I left that shit behind in high school.  Learn to hold your liquor, chickyboo.

Yeah.  This one.  ooh, scary.  Source

This is the same girl that thought'd be funny to reach out and turn the mike around (the Dakota Tavern is a relatively small venue, with little space between the stage and dancefloor) so when Matt went to sing it wasn't there. 

I'm way too effin' old to be out until 6:30 am, and the time-change screwed with that even more fantastically.  But I feel kind of bad-assed, nonetheless.

Work is quiet because everyone is away at Pittcon, which is basically the Woodstock of our industry.

I got blog awarded and the best thing is, I don't have to do anything for this one except link back to the lovely lady that bestowed it upon me.  So without further ado, courtesy of the Everyday Goddess is the Goddess Award:

The Goddess Award

This will be going on my validation page, for sure.  Thanks, Everyday Goddess!  I suggest going and checking her out.

March Break is awesome because getting the kids ready in the morning is ridiculously easy.  As long as they have pants covering their butt and they've brushed their teeth, we're pretty much good to go in the mornings.

Yeah.  So, in an effort to curb the late-night snacking, I'm gonna go spend some quality time with my guitar.  Still contemplating a ukelele purchase when income tax time comes.  Unfortunately the need for tires may usurp that vision.  Friggin' ridiculous, right?  I *finally* get my snow tires on, and now I have to think about getting SUMMER tires.  It. Never. Freakin. Ends.

Lastly, I'm still looking for pledges for the Great Strides for CF walk and I will be making myself a pain in the ass over it between now and the time of the walk.  Breathing is awesome and Cystic Fibrosis is lame so if you're so inclined, feel free to make a small donation.

Who is Snoop Dogg and Why is he hanging around my dog house?

Today, over at Simple Dude in a Complex World, SD posted a blog about internet porn, which reminded me of a story from my convenience store days.

For most of my early 20's I worked off and on for a independently run Convenience store (as opposed to a chain like 7-11 or Mac's).  Our magazine rack was topped off by what was possibly the largest collection of porn to be found outside of any adults-only shop.  We also had a wide array of X-rated video-cassettes for sale, well out of reach of any young shoppers.

In SD's post he questions why anyone still buys porn when it's readily available on the internet.  I maintain that some people would rather shell out cash for DVD's than to pay someone to clean their hard-drive once a month.  Much like in real-life, the cheaper and easier porn is to acquire, the better chance of picking up a virus.

I have two stories related to the giant porno-fest that was the top-shelf of our magazine racks that stick out in my mind to this day.  One day, a girl about my own age comes in, and furtively starts checking through the tapes.  After picking one out, she approaches the counter, eyes down.  I ring it up, trying my damnedest not to smirk, but I'm kind of a child so I'm not doing a great job.

"It's not for me."
"Okay." It's none of my business, you know?
"It's my friend's birthday and we want to get him a gag gift.  My asshole friends made me buy it so they don't look like perv's."
"No worries.  That'll be [book value of VHS porn circa 2001], please"

She pays, takes the tape and skulks out.  I allow myself a bit of a giggle.  A few minutes later, the door jingles and she comes back in, beet red in the face.

"Hello, can I help you?"
"I can't fucking believe I'm asking you this...", she says, grumbling.  "Do you have anything with more lesbians?  Apparently I picked the wrong one because it doesn't have enough friggin' LESBIANS."
"I.. uh.. um.. don't really know what the um.. lesbian ratio is on any of these movies.  I haven't seen them.  Sorry."
"*sigh* it's okay.  gah. Idiots."

Goes over to shelf, grumbling to herself.  Comes back and slams another tape down on the counter and proclaims "I'm getting this one and if they don't like they can bloody well come back here and pick one themselves!!"

My other story involves a group of about 3 college aged guys that came in one day.   I smiled and giggled to myself as they were very loudly talking about the selection and I got the impression that this was another gag gift purchase.  They made no bones about being in a small-town convenience store buying porn, and I was having a hard time hiding my amusement.

Now, although I was fully aware that we had a well-stocked porn selection, I can't say I was real familiar with the specific titles we carried.  So I was totally unprepared when they came up and put this on the counter:

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I lost my shit, right then and there.  At that point in time I was complete unaware that Snoop Dogg had even produced porn, let alone that we had this little nugget right in our little convenience store.

I lost it.  In a completely uncompromising professional manner,  I started laughing hysterically and could not stop.  I tried to duck down behind the counter, but that was a completely pointless pursuit, so between giants gulps of air in an attempt to catch my breath, tears streaming down my face, I attempted to apologize.

"I'm sorry... hahah... I just... I mean I didn't know... SNOOP DOGG... BWAHHAHAHAH... omg.. don't mean to... *gasp* ... just didn't know... *giggle*  ....I'm so sorry.. *gasp*.... heheheheheh"

The guys, being in the jovial mood that they were, took my embarrassment from my outburst and just ran with it, feigning great indignance.

"Well, I never!"
"Where's your sense of professionalism?"
"They wouldn't have treated us like this at the Triple-X store!"

Finally I managed to catch my breath and ring them through, but I continued to giggle like an idiot for a good hour after they left.

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In other news, my friend Sean who blogs over at SeansJeep got called last night for the lung transplant he's been waiting on.  Last update was that he had come out of surgery with no complications.  So, although he's not completely out of the woods, that is very very good news indeed.  He's got a great support system and we've all be sending our thoughts, prayers, hoodoo and whatnot out for a good recovery.

Karaokeing tonight, haven't been down to the Legion since before Christmas I believe.  Feel like having some beers and belting some tunes.  There's a coffeehouse tomorrow night as well at a local church so I'll be packing the guitar up  and playing some songs there as well.

Enjoy your weekend, all.

The pain of age and impending cultural irrelevance.

I'm gettin' old.  I'm training a new guy at work on the system I work on and I had expressed excitement about the Finger Eleven show that I'm going to tomorrow night.

Blank stare.  No idea.  This is not the first time my cultural references have gone over the young lad's head.  Some of my references are pretty obscure but I thought this'd be an easy one.  No such luck.  So we had a laugh and I mentioned that it made me feel kind of old.

Not as old as this, however:

I mentioned feeling old when I saw this.  He didn't know who Nirvana was.  I was in shock.  I had to explain who they were and how Kurt Cobain's suicide was one of the uniting events in the adolescences of my particular age cohort.

No idea.

When you figure this all took place around '92/93 it doesn't seem like that long ago.  It's when you figure his death was EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO that I start to go "Oh.. fuuuuuu.  I'm OLD.  Like, older than Dirt (which, incidentally, also came out around the same time)."

Is it sick that part of me secretly hopes that this is not so much a case of my own impending irrelevance but maybe a situation where maybe my co-workers parent's kept him in a closet for the better part of the formative years?  Yeah, it's probably really sick.   Add another bouncer and a VIP lounge to my special place in Hell.

If you're reading this, I don't REALLY hope you were locked up for the better part of your life by your parents and if you were, I'm sorry, that's horrifying.

It's probably even more sick that this scenario puts me in mind of one of my favorite Kids in the Hall sketches:

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In other news, I've been given another blog award, this time from Bruce at Just Another Day in Paradise.  It seems I'm amusing to some.  This gives me the warm fuzzies.

So the rules for this one are as follows:

1. Link to the person who awarded you:  Done.
2. Seven unknown facts about yourself: Done.
3. Award to seven other people - I'll get back to ya.

So all these random facts get overwhelming but I'll see what I can do.. I'm gonna get back to y'all on the recipients, as it may take me a while to pick em all.

• I'm descended from the Clan Campbell whose claim to infamy was the Glencoe Massacre of 1692.  Oh yeah.  We are bad-assed Scots.
• I was reprimanded in high school on Tacky Tourist day for wearing a T-Shirt promoting Puerto Vallarta that read "Lick It, Suck It, Slam It."  Seems this was innapropriate for school.
• The first two songs I learned on guitar were Knockin' on Heaven's Door and The Needle and the Damage Done
• As a child I was assessed as gifted.  Smirking my parents asked the school "so what, she could be a brain surgeon or something?" the psychologist looked them dead in the eye and was like "Yeah, she could"
• My left leg is about 1.5 centimetres bigger around than the right leg.
• I used to swim competitively.  Couldn't win a race to save my life, but I competed.
• I have a lisp that manifests itself in slushy sounding 'S's, although I am told it has become less noticeable in recent years.

Take that, Canadian winter - another half-assed post

I got my snow tires today, finally.  It meant spending a good two hours in the seventh circle of hell that is Wal-Mart, but holy crap it's done.  Just in time to drive two and a half hours to Kitchener on Tuesday night for the Finger Eleven concert.

I also auditioned today for a local production of The Vagina Monologues that's being put on for our local women's shelter.  I think I did pretty good, and it was fun trying out.  I got to say fuck, cunt and vagina a whole lot.  I think my chances of getting even a small part are pretty good.

I was listening to our local station's classic rock Saturday night and I'm reminded once again of the under-rated talent of the Animals and of the equally under-rated hotness of the young Eric Burdon.  In my very honest opinion he should have easily taken Mick Jagger in a battle of British Invasion hotness.  Jagger looks like a troll.

Burdon in foreground - Photo Credit

Holy crap. Loverboy. Classic rock night is AWESOME.



This video embodies every terrible 80's cliche imaginable, while having the added panache of being a CANADIAN 80s rock video. Can-rock in the 80's was a very special kind of terrible. Like Enid says in Ghost World "This is so bad it's gone beyond cool and back to bad again."

Anyhoo folks, this has been another half-assed weekend post, brought to you by myself and the Simple Dude in a Complex world.  Go give him some love.

Recognize, bitches, and pay that shite forward.

So I'm combining two things here.. first off, care of both Jess at not your typical joan of archetypal patterns as well as Vintage Witch/Little Scotia at I Just Got My Poetic License, Loan Me Your Pen! (via the facebook) I'm gonna play along with the Pay it Forward 2011 game.  So how it goes, my understanding of it, is that the first five people to comment will be sent a hand-made gift courtesy of yours truly.  I'm posting this here as well as on my Facebook , but I'm making the Facebook folks click through to here in order to claim their prize, since I'm a hard bitch like that. 

Ready?  annnnnnd Go! (take a look at the etsy link on the left to get an idea of the weirdness I like to create)

Secondly, I've received my first blog award.  I can stop crying myself to sleep in the fits of jealousy I'm prone too.  Sweet, Sweet Validation. 

Courtesy of Moody at Eccentric Light and Nonsense Shadows, I've been granted this lovely award here:

Rules state that I've gotta share five facts about myself, then pass it on to three others.

1. At the tender age of 11 I went go-carting on my own for the first time.  Not understanding much about the laws of physics and aerodynamics, I promptly attempted a turn at full speed and launched myself into the air over the tire banks and onto the parallel track, falling roughly six feet through the air.  Total injuries: 1 small cut on my pinkie finger.
2. At 18 I was hospitalized for a month with a double whammy of life-threatening health issues: a massive blood clot in my left leg, as well as a severe bout of colitis that had dropped my hemoglobin levels to about 55.  For perspective, normal is about 120, around 90 is considered 'safe' and heart failure sets in at 45.  Basically the doctors had to get rid of the clot, without counteracting the drugs that were attempting to get me to STOP bleeding. 
3. In college I played the negligent mother of a gunman in a rock opera loosely based on the Columbine shooting that we presented for local high schools.  I still kind of wish we could have taken that show on the road. 
4. I have the scariest basement in the world.  Cobwebs, weird dusty jars, dirt walls.. joists that still have bark on them.. scary.  Doesn't even have a real door, it's a trapdoor.
5. I took up painting on the advise of a really bad psychic.  It was a really upsetting and disturbing reading and I was determined to take something positive from the experience.  Thankfully she was innacurate as she was pessimistic.

Okay, so passing it on...

Here's my picks:

Tyler at Tyler Has Nothing To Say.  I know it doesn't come close to being Saskatchewan's Sexiest Blogger, but it's something.

Sarah at Here & Now - she's usually got a lot of interesting things to say

Sean at SeansJeep even though he never brought any bacon today.

So go forth, and don't forget.. first five commenters.  Free stuff.  From Me!

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In other news, feeling sorry for myself because the weather was too shitty to go to a party I wanted to go to tonight.  Feeling like a wimp, but my snow tires don't get put on until tomorrow and knowing me, I'd get into an accident tonight.  Blah.  Stupid Canadian Weather.

I've been blog critiqued

I recently had the honor of having my blog critiqued over at Rick's blog.  Richard is a pretty recent reader and it was an interesting experience getting an idea of the impression I've been giving out through this particular medium. 

I was concerned about this passage:

There's something going on. Things are not right. You are too bright a spark to be having these troubles. Call it an instinct, but my reading of your situation suggests that someone in your life is fucking with your head. Who is it? Is there someone you need to kill?

It concerns me, because I wonder if I really put across the idea that I'm mostly miserable?  I sure hope not.  In all honesty, putting aside the day-to-day foibles of fender benders and throat infections and the occasional irritating customer at work, my life is pretty decent.  Lovely, even.  But how to describe that?  How to describe it, when it can be so much more fun and releasing to get on a tangent about the little things that fuck up day to day?

In MacLennan's The Watch That Ends the Night, the narrator, George attempts to describe his wife whom he is deeply in love with, but finds himself at a loss and says that it is much easier for a man to describe his wife if he dislikes her.  I planned to quote this, but looking at my bookshelf I just remembered I lent it out to a friend.  Taking from MacLennan's idea, I find myself with much more to say when I am discontent.  When I am content, I have a tendency to just be, and not think or talk too much about it.  Maybe I just don't know how to express the positive or maybe I am fashioning myself as an adorable curmudgeon of sorts.  Who knows?  I guess it's not surprising when you look at the top five labels for this blog that they are as follows:

• Life in General
• Random Thoughts
• Grievances
• Music
• Kids

There you have it.  I talk about life.. sometimes my head is all over the place, I bitch about stuff, I play music and I have awesome kids that are fun to talk about.

True, I do try and keep them protected on here, both out of an ingrained media-fed fear of predators, as well as respect for their privacy now and in the future (I generally try to respect the privacy of most my loved ones on here) for which reason there will be no pics posted, but I will say I'm damn lucky to have two intelligent, kind, beautiful and FUNNY kids to call my own. 

I will add that I wasn't quite sure what Rick had meant about my third sentence in this post being a gem, because when I went back and read it, all I really saw was a run-on sentence but sometimes we're all our own worst critic.

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In other news, the hunt for snow-tires continues. The weather has warmed up a bit so the roads are clearing, and the automotive department at the local Wal-Hell has been on the hunt for tires in my size.  Normally I avoid the place like the plague, but fact is, tires there are going to cost me almost half of what I'd pay at any of the local independent tire places.  So yes, I'm selling a bit of my soul to the giant corporate devil, but I'll be able to drive my sellout ass around safely at least.

Took the girls out for a dinner and a movie night.  There were three options that may be suitable for kids playing.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which was what I was rooting for, The Green Hornet and Yogi Bear.  Now, I knew that the girls would want to see Yogi Bear but the latest show was at 4:30 and I don't pick them up until 5:30. DARRRRRNNNNNNNN.

Not that I have anything against Yogi and BooBoo per se, but I have a thing against the recent spate of animated shows made into live action films, considering nobody's been able to do it even remotely well since The Flintstones .  You know Jason Lee?  I loved Jason Lee, until saw Underdog.  Then I saw Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Jason Lee is dead to me now.

Tom Cavanaugh is apparently in Yogi Bear.  You remember Tom Cavanaugh?  TV's Ed?  The "Here I Am On Georgian Bay and I'm Reminded of Light Beer?" Blue Light guy?

Photo Credit

On a side note, I so wanted to find a picture from when he was the Blue Light guy.  I loved that commercial, ever so much.  On another side note, the link where I got this photo from is an obituary for another Tom Cavanaugh who played for the San Jose Sharks.  Another Tom Cavanaugh who is not this guy, but they used his picture anyway.  Good Job, Zaffnews.

Sweet Laird Tunderin' Jaysus!  I found one of the commercials.. Not the Georgian Bay one, which was the best one, but the Niagara Falls one. Which is close enough.



Okay, I digressed huge there.  Point being, I don't want to see Yogi Bear, because I don't want to lose respect for Tom Cavanagh like I have for Jason Lee.  So that was a near miss.  I rooted for Harry Potter, but the girls wanted to see the Green Hornet.  I'm not too disappointed.  It was funny, action packed and I have such a soft spot for Seth Rogen, even when he's playing a pompous ass.. which he invariably is.

It probably wasn't the most appropriate choice for a family film with the language and the violence, but it was enjoyable. The 3-D experience was pretty wild as well.  

Oy.. had many intentions of getting lunches done tonight, but it's late and I should be heading to bed.  G'night all.

WWWednesday - or not.

So you may (because I like to pretend more people care what I write than probably do) have noticed a dearth of WWWednesday posts.  This is because I haven't actually been to weigh in since they changed the program and I'm really struggling with whether I want to go back or not.  I'm afraid of backsliding but I really have a bad taste in my mouth as far as the rampant corporatism goes.  Sigh.

I made banana bread tonight but I think I may have under cooked it.  It's a bit mushy.  I made a pretty cool comic-themed headband which will not be going on the Etsy store - no, this one will be for my own personal use.

jealous?  *nods knowingly* You're jealous.

Taking a cue from Saskatchewan's sexiest blogger, Tyler, I've had this song stuck in my head all day:



Apparently this is the song the Scott Pilgrim books and subsequently the film Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World film was named after. I can't tell if she's saying "I've liked you for a thousand years" or "I've liked you for a dozen years".

A quick Google search tells me it's thousand. This is comforting. I hate to think I've been singing it wrong. all. day. long.

Yesterday's post was pretty heavy...

...and right now I'm tossing around thoughts for a post on mainstream porn and feminism in response to Kissie Catastrophe's post at Ethecofem - basically expanding on some thoughts I posted in the comments section.

So to break up the uber-serious monotony, here's a few random awesome things I've found kicking around the internet.  Some are new, some are things I've known of for some time.

1. Brandon Bird.  I love this guy's artwork.  It's what I wish mine could be, a twisted parfait of surrealism and pop culture.  Since I don't personally celebrate the soul-sucking mindfuck that is Valentines day, part of me really wants to buy the complete set of Law and Order SVU Valentines Cards (sorry, you're going to need to scroll a bit) and have my kids distribute them amongst the other little hooligans in their class.  I'm pretty sure that might warrant a call from their teacher though.
   
2. This Post from Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka.  I was in tears reading it, especially when I am reminded of how my now-10-year-old nephew, upon entering Junior Kindergarten and discovering the world of literacy, decided to label everything in his room.  In black Sharpie.  His bed.  His Sheets.  His pillow. Everything.  It also reminded me of how up until recently everything I owned seemed to be covered in a layer of stickers, courtesy of my little one (who also seems to have a tearing/ripping/otherwise destroying paper goods fetish.)
   
3. Nirvana-Themed Ballet Flats.  I rarely drool over shoes (okay I sometimes do..  but I rarely trying to mentally justify 80+ bucks for shoes) but these are too freaking cute for words.  This woman's store also has some wicked cool Wonder Woman wedges. Sweet Jesus.
   
4. This friggin van that was in the parking lot at work today:
   
   
   Is that not one freaking sweet flame job?  Do you think they paid for that?  Or do you think the guy got a stencil and did it himself (or herself, let's be fair).
   

In other news, the mirror I was given to recondition is coming along nicely, but I have to lament the lack of a decent craft and/or art supply store in the vicinity.   Michael's is a good 35 minutes away, and that pretty much leaves the Quest Art Gallery, which has limited selection, or Wal-Mart, which is.. well.. you all know my opinion on Wal-Mart.  Plus there's still a lot of stuff they don't have either.  So yeah, travelling for art supplies is crap.  But my mirror is going to look awesome.  Will post pics when done.  I wish I had thought to get a picture before i started this project.

But I'm using my whole ass!

Lies.  No, I'm not.  Frankly, I'm a follower, and who doesn't want a donkey on their blog, at least once?  So a ala the Simple Dude, here is my half-assed weekend post.  Go visit Simple Dude and give him some love, since he has given me a donkey.

I'm attempting to scan some pics so I can list some new goodies on my Etsy store, 100 Watt Smirks.  My scanner is temperamental.  It was gifted to me by Lori at A Vintage Witch, which was super cool of her.  I wonder how many people I can pimp in one half-assed post.  However at some point in time one of the demon cats knocked the damn thing off the desk.  So now, mid-scan, it starts clicking and making godawful noises and I have to give it a good thump to get it back in order.  It still scans better than my craptacular HP 3-in-1.  Hewlett Packard, you suck.  I may keep an eye out for a nice little printer so I can get rid of the 3-in-1 completely because honestly, the thing is junk.  Trying to use the software grinds my entire system to a halt, which is a giant pain when all I want to do is resize a couple of pictures.

My campaign to win back @jplaskett to my Twitter-fold was an utter failure.  *sigh*  Not only did it not take off and become the internet meme of the decade, but it didn't even warrant a courtesy 'Will you STFU and leave me alone' follow.  Even Jann Arden threw me a bone, when I hinted.

Today is laundry day.  Taking kids to the Seventh circle of hell to get some Xmas portraits taken today.  Time to take this ass and put some pants on it.

"You're Comparing Apples to Baby Wolverines..."

It's official, I love Chuck Klosterman. He fawking ROCKS.

Redid my car roof yesterday, it looks fucking awesome. I took down the old blue stuff, (inhaling vast amounts of fibreglass dust in the process) and replaced it with a big black skull and crossbones flag. The problem being, that the flag was not wide enough to cover all of the ceiling. So what I did was, covered the bare strips down the side with a pink leopard pattern material, and did a border between the two with antique-y looking upholstery tacks. Like I said, looks awesome. Imma try to take some pics of it and post them.

I have a crush on the cart guy at Walmart. Known him for years. Was cute in grade 8, is still cute now.

Oh yeah, and I've changed my profile song. Don't worry Scott, I'll promote you some more down the line, but I gotta spread the love around. I'm playing LYE now, a band featuring Brett Carruthers, a guy I went to high school with... and in case there was any doubt, he is NOT dead. just to clarify that.