The non-stoppage

I could probably fill a book with the goings-on of the last few weeks, I tell yas.

Last weekend was my sister's wedding. On the thursday night before the wedding, I get home from baseball to a message that my dad is at the hospital, having been hit in the face with a softball at his own game. Nicky tell's me I should drop the kids off at Tony's and go sit with mom at the hospital. She's a wreck, needless to say. The ball, I should mention, knocked Dad out cold. I'm sure for a few moments she was probably wondering if he was dead. I would have been.

Oddly enough, that same night, at my game, the pitcher on the opposing team got hit with a line drive to the neck. As I'm telling my mom about this, the gentleman across the row from us mention that was his wife. He commented on my uniform and says "So, you're on blue? You're not the one that hit her, are you?' No, I can barely hit, let alone hit hard enough to take someone out. But thanks.

We end up having to follow an ambulance down to RVH, as dad needs to see an emergency ophthamologist. There's some concern about 'damage' - meaning, in short, he could possibly lose his eye. As luck would have it, had he not been wearing glasses, although they did cause some damage, he definitely WOULD have lost the eye. Mom and I drive down there, and wait for the ass-hat ophthamologist (prescibed a bunch of stuff, but forgot to put a quantity on the most important script) to do his thing. It's not looking good at this point. The words 'Hamburger MEat' were used in conjuction with my dad's cornea. He looks like a bag of shit at this point. We are told he has to come back the next two days in a row, and might not be able to make the wedding.

Fortunately, despite things looking dicey on friday (after coming back from the hospital, he was pretty much in bed all day), be saturday, he was there to walk nick down the aisle, get some pictures taken (with large sunglasses to cover up the gore), and through most of dinner. I was glad to see him make it, because it was hard seeing Nick so upset, and conflicted, since it was a freak accident with no one to blame. Things always go wrong at weddings, but to have your dad not being there because of a rogue softball, well, that's pretty fricking wrong.

The wedding itself went off with very few hitches. I had taken the day before off to help with preparations and do the fun/girly mani-pedi day... one of our friends, Sandy brought a cooler of daquiries to the spa, complete with fancy glasses and parasols. By the end of the day though, after running around collecting trees, and the rehearsal dinner, and such, I was pretty wiped, in light of my 2.5 hrs of sleep.

We got a mostly nice day with the wedding, rained for a bit right after the ceremony which through the sched off a bit, but it wasn't disastrous by any means. My girls were adorable, I just kept looking going 'I MADE THOSE!!'. I got through my solo piece without screwing up, and got lots of compliments. Nicky looked fabulous, of course, as did us wedding party members.

I spent this week just kind of recuperating, although I enjoyed some company earlier in the week. Yeah, bizarre I know, but I'm actually 'seeing someone' which is new, and pretty foreign to me, but enjoyable nonetheless. The whole concept takes getting used to, but it's really nice, even if a bit overwhelming, to have someone who wants to be with me, on more than just the 'friend' or 'friendly lay' level. Someone who is willing to even deal with their own shyness and spend a weekend in a strange place with people he doesn't know, if only to spend time with me. Yeah, not really used to that. But I like it.

Which brings me to another fun-filled Pride weekend in toronto, which I will probably have to make a part two of, since I'm dead tired, and coming down with some kind of cold. Blah. Bedtime for me.

I got all mah sistah’s with me

Today was an enjoyable day, out with the girls, just lunching and coffeeing and general shooting of the shit.

It was the type of day I have not had in a while, I've been spending most of the winter as a hermit, not doing enough to even warrant blogging about.

I found it refreshing, to hang out with not only a close friend, but also with her two other friends. I forget sometimes how meeting new people can help to offer new perspectives. It's nice that I can think of these women as my friends now as well.

I started thinking the other day that I make too many excuses for not doing things I really want to do, mostly being lack of time and/or money.

But it's crap really... I make excuses because A) I tend towards laziness sometime, B) Change is intimidating.

I have spurts of bravery, where I decide to go out and do things, or I take risks I would normally not take... with my time, and with my heart as well. I have come to realize, that especially in matters of the heart, I'm more apt to take risks when I know the repercussions are limited.

Which I guess means I don't really take risks at all. Today I left my phone number for the exceeding cute waiter that served us at lunch. Superficial courage, really, because I don't stand to lose much if that call never comes.

I'm thinking I may need to compile one of those 'Before I hit I want to' Lists. I turn 30 in two years. What can be accomplished in two years?

By the end of June, I propose that I will list 10 goals, and begin on working my way toward them.

Some may prove to be less tangible than others (for example, I feel I should make it a goal to be less cautious around people, and learn to trust more), and others may be downright petty, but they are my goals, whatever they may be. I have ideas floating around, but I'd like to have a comprehensive list before I reveal them.

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So, my sister's wedding is coming up in 3-4 weeks, and I guess I must be having sympathy nervousness, because I had this bizarre dream the other night:

I'm at the wedding, and Nicky is ever the radiant bride, but as I'm looking around, something is not right. I realize that we are in a large open gymnasium, seated at plain rectangular tables.


I say to my mom 'Hey mom, didn't anybody decorate? I thought Nicky was getting a decorator." To which my mom replies 'Don't ask, and whatever you do, DON'T say anything to your sister."


So I'm wandering around, and I start hitting on my friends' brother's friend (who would be about 17... I think this is related to another situation in my life right now, only exaggerated) and I realize, we've not done the photographs yet.


"Hey Mom, did anyone get a photographer?"
"Don't ask. Don't say anything to your sister, just pretend its all okay"


Then I took my camera and took a picture of Camilla Parker-Bowles, which resulted in my camera shattering, and I laughed because she had literally broken my camera, when I took her picture.

Then I woke up.

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Oh, by the way, I'm sexually frustrated beyond belief, in case anyone cares. I've found that after a while with dry spells (this particular one being a DOOZY), it becomes an 'Out of site, out of mind' situation... I'm okay if I don't think about it.

It's when the prospect of dirty lovin' rears its head, that HOLY HELL... And rear it's head, it has. Unfortunately, my need to wake up each morning and like myself has thus far prevented me from taking advantage of this special offer.

Personal code of ethics > Libido. *sigh*

I am it.

I've been food blog tagged. 10 interesting food facts about me.


1) I'm ridiculously picky eater. Some people are overwieght because they love food. I am because I hate a lot of food. Most of it is the stuff that is good for me.

2) I was shocked the first time someone told me that peanut butter and banana was an odd combination. I always figured they went together naturally like snow and ice.

3) Last year I counted the number of hot dog carts in Midland. There were five. That's like 1 for every 5,000 people. It seems like a lot to me.

4) Considering my incredibly picky nature, it boggles my loved ones to no end that I love sushi.

5) I love cheerios. I stock up and buy 3-4 boxes at a time.

6) I cannot keep cheez whiz in the house. It's like crack in a jar. Instead I have it on toast when I go to my parents.

7) my fridge is not complete without polskie ogorki pickles.

8) The most common meals in my house are tacos and spagetti.

9) I recently acquired a taste for salad. I would never touch it before.

10) During my second pregnancy I craved philadephia dill pickle dip. I used to get free chips from work, and so I'd buy the dip, and when I ran out of chips, i just ate the dip with my finger.

To the Makers of Guitar Hero

I’m addicted to Guitar Hero, but my main complaint is the lack of Cancon found within.

I hereby propose the following: Guitar hero: Molson Canadian Rocks Edition


*Let it be hereby said that I am claiming a trademark/copyright/intellectual property rights whathaveyou over this idea, and should such an idea come to fruition, I claim 10% to all profits made by both Molson Canadian and the makers of Guitar Hero, or any other such partnerships that arise involving any canadian version of this or similar games Eg: Rock Band, Sing Star et.*

They could give copies away in cases of beer. It’d be great. My wish list for the play list:

THe Guess Who - American Woman: this one is a gimme. It’s well known by many, and has some decent licks. It’s not MY fave guess who tune, but it’s accessible to the public.

April Wine - Roller - 70’s prog-rock is prime guitar hero fodder. (yes peanut gallery, I probably am using that term wrong. I’ve said before, I suck at Genres)

Platinum Blonde - Standing in the Dark: 80’s Duran duran wannabes represent. And I admit, I love this song.

The Tragically Hip - Little Bones: My first instinct was to go with New Orleans is Sinking, but imo, this has better riffs, and is lends itself better to the Easy/Medium/Hard play structure.

Neil Young - Rockin in the Free world: Yeah, I know, another Gimme. Not to mention Neil is pretty much an american now. I still think it works.

The Watchmen - All Uncovered: Just because I think this would be fuckin killer on Expert Level


Sum 41 - Fat Lip: I don’t care, I like this song.

Matthew Good Band - Indestructible: Again, my first instict was ’Hello Time Bomb’ or soemthing, but after listening to a few tracks, I thought this lent itself nicely to the GH format


Headstones - Reframed (Every single failure): Also lends itself well to the GH format, and I just love the headstones.

Kim Mitchell - Go for a Soda: Have a Canad compilation without Kim Mitchell? I think not. And it has MORE COWBELL.

The Tea Party - The Bazaar : Another one that’d be wicked on Expert.


Metric - Patriarch on a Vespa: the list is lacking girls, and newer music.

Sass Jordan - High Road Easy: Speaking of Girls... plus Sass was awesome in her smack phase. Rats.


Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet - Having an Average Weekend: Because this is my fantasy, so I’m combining some of my favorite things... Canadian music, Guitar Hero and Kids in the Hall.


Billy Talent - This is how it goes: In the name of having newer stuff that doesn’t include Nickelback or various nickelback clones

Alexisonfire - Pulmonary Archery: Actually, I’d REALLY like to see this on Singstar, or Karaoke revolution LOL

Trooper - Raise a Little Hell: It’s that Prog-rock thing again... and my sister once opened for them, so I gots the love for trooper.

That’s it for now: Feel free to leave your suggestions... I tried not to pick these solely on my own like or dislike for songs, but for accessibility, recognizability and for how well I think they would translate to Guitar Hero. I also *tried* to cover each decade between now and the 70s.

Oh my god. I can’t believe I forgot RUSH - For this, I’m picking ’The Spirit of Radio’ because it’s frigging nuts.-

I’m also going to ad "Fly at Night" by Chilliwack to my list.

On this holiday Monday...

To my Canadian (well, Ontarian) friends:

Happy "we-needed-a-day-of-in-february-so-dalton-mcguinty-made-up-this-random-holiday-dedicated-
to-something-we-should-be-celebrating-everyday-anyway-day" - You may know it better as 'Family day'.

To my American friends

Happy Presidents Day (I guess I could also say happy 'we-have-too-many-days-off-in-february-so-lets-just-amalgamate-them-all-into-one-day-day')

The Singleton’s guide to VD fun!

Things to do to make this day if not more enjoyable, at lease more interesting:

1) Scope out one of the busier nice restaurants. Look for a happy looking-couple. Say to the guy/girl 'So this is your sick grandmother!' and storm out. Watch through the window to see what happens.

2) Report a cherub to the child labor board.

3) Wear a black armband.

4) Make numerous references to the Valentines day massacre

5) Four words - custom made candy hearts.

6) Rent 'Prom night' and 'my bloody valentine'

7) Canada Only: Run around wishing people a happy early Flag Day. It's even better if you wear red and white.

8) Call your best friend when you are pretty sure he/she is either about to/in the middle of getting some loving and just say 'Soooo, whatcha doooooin?'

9) Drink 26-40 oz of anything alchoholic you can get your hands on and listen to 'How Soon is Now?' seventeen times in a row. Not eighteen, not sixteen. Seventeen.

And yes. I am going to hell. My bags are packed baby.



Enjoy the VD, folks.

On Aging...

The definition of becoming a grown-up:

A) An increase of 'Hand-wash only' articles of clothing

B) Actually hand-washing said articles as opposed to saying 'eff it' and tossing them in the machine.

C) Taking extra care not to dirty said items, so that you can avoid hand-washing them.

Conversations with my kid - She's got it all figured out.

From the "Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten" file....

So my four-year-old daughter is in Junior kindergarten, and it seems she has a boyfriend. I've heard about nothing but this kid since september. Sometimes they get along, sometimes they fight... normal kids stuff.

I had this unnerving conversation with her tonight, which started from her telling me how Dustin chases her at recess.

"He chases me because he's my boyfriend."
"Oh is he?"
"Yeah"
"Is he nice to you?"
"Yeah... Olivia thinks he's mean to me"
"Is he mean to you?"
"No, he just chases me"
"Well, if he IS mean to you, you don't need friends like that."

She nods and after a few minutes, she says, rather profoundly:
"If I want him to stop chasing me, I have to say 'I love you.'"




I was in my 20's before I figured THAT out. Kudos, kid. Kudos. 

Underwhelmed.

I'm sitting here in the library at school while the rest of Survey Research and Data Analysis writes their year end exam.  With an exam I was NOT at all prepared for an a paper I am nowhere near done due friday night, there seemed to be little point in bothering.  I hemmed and hawed to myself all morning.  Now, as we know, I've pulled many a last-minute paper out of my arse in my three year academic career.  These papers were forged in coffee, cigarettes, junk food, tears, upset stomach and lost sleep and lost time with my children.  I sat up at nights entranced by the computer screen as I wrenched every last little bit of inspiration from my brain that would scream for relief.  Said assignments were also written in desperation as I faced the horrifying possibility of failing, and becoming a career convenience store clerk under a magnificent student loan debt.  It paid off, I'm a BA in Sociology.  There's no doubt.  I *could* finish this paper. 

With that little piece of paper, I lost my motivation.  Fear.  I took the summer off and lost my momentum.  I became accustomed to a relaxed lifestyle.  I rediscovered the children, and my hobbies and interests.  I came to the realization that over the three years I went to school full time, it was my life.  But when I attempted to work part time, and only had class one day a week, I only thought about school that one night a week.  Or, possibly, the night before.

Today I asked myself a few questions.  Can I get this last paper done?  as above, the answer was yes.  But my nagging voice came up and said 'But I don't WANT to".  So, after much deliberation, and a heart-to-heart with my Dad <3 I found myself leaning more and more to doing what I wanted as opposed to what I felt I should do.  Still, I made the drive down to school, and I walked into the class, and with increasing intensity I asked myself "Why am I here?  It's obvious, (by the fact that I spent the afternoon leading up to the exam reading the paper instead of studying) that I've already made up my mind."  I gave my notes to a girl in my class who had lost hers (it was to be an open book test), and walked out.  And I cried.

Ever spent so much time deliberating on a decision that when you make up your mind, to the point where it's too late to turn back, it's like a dam breaks inside of you?  That's how I'm feeling right now, it's a mixture of relief and regret.  Relief because I can go home, have dinner with my kids, and do what ever I want after they go to bed, completely guilt free.  I probably should mention that I already decided, due to financial reasons, not to return to for the next year or so.  Which added to my "What's the point?" mentality. 

I plan to return to school eventually, but right now, I have nothing left to give.  I don't have disatisfaction with my life to motivate me, I like my job and the place where I am at, in general.  I feel that I need to regroup, and regain my passion for learning, which is something I feel is better kindled in a full-time scholarly environment.  Go Big or Go Home.  Right now, academic politics in my institution prevents me from full-time education, at least, without a lot more pointless debt.  When this fourth-year program BS gets sorted out, maybe I'll be in a better mindframe to return.

I think the regret right now lies in the example I'm setting for my kids.  I mean, I don't have much to lose through this decision, other than the 500 bucks I plunked down for the course.  Even as a single mother in social housing, I can say, it's just money.  What is money compared to mental well-being?
..
But I regret what my kids may think of their mother because of this, down the road I mean.  As of this moment, I've failed, if only one course.  Failure is a difficult enough thing to deal with.  I've never been a real go-getter, but I'm accustomed to knowing that when I putting my mind to something, I generally accomplish it.  But in general, I'm okay with it.

My shame comes in knowing that I bear the full responsibility for this outcome.  It was a fairly easy course, even though I'm not a math person.  Richard Rinaldo was a fantastic prof on the subject, so I don't fault him at all.  I can be lazy as fuck,is all, and this time it caught up with me. It's not so much failure, but I sit here, knowing, that I didn't do my best.  Had I applied myself, to put it colloquially, I could have made this course my bitch.  But I didn't.  Everytime this semester that I told Tierney she needed to do her homework, I felt like a hypocrite, as my papers went unwritten until the 11th hour.  Hell, until the 19th or 20th hour, this time around.  The one paper I DID write was 10 days late.

I'm not going to beat myself up about this, no.  I've accomplished a lot up to this point, this is merely a setback.  I just worry about what the girls will think down the road... will they see me as someone who just gave up when the going got tough?  Or someone who put her own personal happiness ahead of what is 'expected'... practicing the old adage 'to thine own self be true?"

Attention Fashion Industry!!!

LAY OFF THE CRACK!!!!

Seriously, it's time for y'all to put the pipe down, put your collective heads together and come up with some sort of universal sizing system, because it's getting effin ridiculous.

How is this:



a medium, yet this:



is a motherloving 3XL?