Something weird you may not have known about me...

I have a compulsive need to touch doors before I open them.

Wait, hear me out.

I'm prone to static shocks sometimes, especially in winter, and somewhere along the line, I have picked up a habit of touching a door before I grab the doorknob, just to ground myself.

It's like I'm afraid that if I grab the handle I may somehow electrocute myself. Half the time I'm not even concious that I'm doing it anymore.

Well, I don't know about you, but I feel better having that off my chest.

Follow-up blues

The good news: My aforementioned friend (two blogs back, before the wiki-birthday thing), is not a total asshat, with the intentions of ignoring my heartfelt confession of my feelings. I finally got the call two nights ago, so I was not forced to make a second difficult phone call.

Which brings the bad news: Apparently there is a spark lacking somewhere. So boo for me. Needless to say, I've been a bit of a wreck the past couple of nights.

I knew as soon as I answered the phone and he started talking that it was not going to go as hoped. But, alas, I was prepared for such an eventuality - hence why it had taken so long to get to that place where I was ready. I had to know I would be okay with a no.

The most important part of the conversation I think was where he apologized for leaving me hanging. He said he didn't want me to ever think that he was taking this decision lightly, and that a day hadn't gone by where he didn't think about was going (or not going) to happen.

I think we're going to be able to be friends, and I told him that. I am going to need time to lick my wounds, but I keep holding onto the fact that it's out there in the open now. Now there is nothing to do but heal, and eventually move on.

The silver lining here (because let's face it, this fucking sucks) is that even though the romantic feelings I have are not reciprocated, after talking with him, I don't question his investment into our friendship. The worst part during the last two weeks was actually wondering if maybe I had read more into the last 13 years than he had... You know, like finding out that someone you consider a really close friend merely considers you an acquaintance? That was something I was beginning to fear, and that saddened me more than anything.

I'm glad that I don't have anything to question any more. And I'm glad I did this now. I've done a lot of growing over the last year, and say, a year ago, my confidence was so low something like this might have crushed me. Although my ego has taken a blow, I still have enough 'Awesome' left to rebuild the foundation of my self-confidence.

So Yeah. I guess this is the end of an era, in a way. I'm sort of at loose ends, actually... The 'Should I's ' have been a part of my life for so long, that I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm taking a break from dating for a bit.

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In other news: I'm broke. I need to budget better, and two steps I am taking are to quit drinking Timmies (have to switch to office coffee... GAH!) and start packing myself a lunch again. I've figured I'm spending about 160 bucks a month on coffee and lunch alone. That's my CAR INSURANCE. It's ridiculous.

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I'm feeling really creative lately, but also really lazy and rebellious. There are things I know I should work on (ie, the portrait I started painting for Nicky and Franks wedding present) but I find I have many other projects in my head I want to start doing prelim sketches for, and then I feel bad because I'm not working on the damned portrait. I also want to write more, and I still want to try writing some songs, put a little three-piece together for jams and stuff.

I met a guy in my building that lives on the ground floor and has been playing guitar for 40 years. He's offered to give me lessons at a reasonable rate. I was a little offended at first, because I Have been playing for about 15 years, but he got his guitar out and we jammed and I though to myself 'erm... okay, yeah. I could learn some stuff here'. Guy's phenomenal. And doesn't have much else to do all day, apparently. Is on disability (my guess is MS or fibromyalgia) so has not much else to do but take his dogs out for short walks, and play guitar. New, interesting friends are fun.

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Two weeks until the Dandy Warhols! *dances*

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Oh, going back to the 'creative' thing, I've posted some of my artwork for yer viewing pleasure. Constructive criticism is welcome.

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Work has been nuts this week. Between one of our Co-ops leaving, and the other admin girl going on a tradeshow and holidays, my workload has almost tripled this week. I've been leaving late every day this week. Things go back to normal monday though. Oh the exciting world of used scientific equipment sales *shudders with anticipation*

I'm out. Long weekend. Getting kids ready for back to school. They apparently finally got the new building ready for teh kiddies. Wooha. Tierney has a teacher with an un-pronounceable name. And we don't even live in the city.

This looks fun, so Imma do it too.

This is stolen from Mari, Queen of the Desert and Kaydeelicious...

What happened on your birthday? Did empires crumble? Did sports dynasties form? Did nothing particularly interesting take place? Go to Wikipedia and enter your date of birth (month and day only), then post four events, three births, two deaths and one holiday.

EVENTS

August 14, 1908 - The first beauty contest is held in Folkstone, England.
August 14, 1936 - Rainey Beathea is hanged in Owensboro, Kentucky in the last public execution in the United States.
August 14, 1945 - Japan accepts the Allied terms of surrender in World War II and the Emperor records the Imperial Rescript on Surrender (August 15 in Japan Standard Time).
August 14, 2003 - Widescale power blackout in the northeast United States and Canada.

BIRTHS
August 14, 1851 - Doc Holliday, American Gambler and dentist
August 14, 1945 - Steve Martin, Comedian
August 14, 1950 - Gary Larson, Cartoonist

DEATHS
August 14, 582, - Tiberius II Constantine, Byzantine emperor
August 14, 1952 - William Randolph Hearst, American Newspaper Magnate.

HOLIDAYS
National Creamsicle Day

I think finding out that I share a birthday with Gary Larson may just be the single most incredible discovery of my life.

And yeah my 25th birthday was a memorable one, for many people.
I could have sworn Elvis died on my birthday.

Bite Me Hollywood, you lying sons of bitches.

I will never in my life watch another romantic comedy. I have been lied to. There are no happy endings. It's Action and/or Slasher flicks from now on. At least when life doesn't imitate them, it's a GOOD thing.

I should probably explain my blog previous to this, for those who could access it. That, my friends, was the written equivalent to my general reaction Tuesday before last, when I finally bit the bullet and confessed my more-than-friendly feelings to a friend of many many years. In my time on earth, I have never felt so close to a full-fledged cardiac arrest, or at the very least, hyperventilation to the point of passing out. I won't get into the conversation, but it was not terribly long, I came out and said what I needed to say, and told him to think on it for a day or two. No knee-jerk reactions please. At the very least, I thought it was at least a little promising.

It was time to come clean, anyways, because I had been holding onto this knowledge for over four years. I had always waited for a good time to tell him, but there was never a good time, and I came to realize that there will be no 'perfect time' - there will pretty much be bad times to tell him, and worse times to tell him. I figured one random night over the phone while he was kind of between relationships was better than drunkenly banging on his hotel room door the night before his wedding.

I have not had much luck in relationships over this time, and I think along with the hurt from the separation, I also think that I have been holding most guys up against this one particular friend.. I would fear commiting 'just in case'. Sabotage. I eventually came to the conclusion that until I had this 'what if?' question resolved, I would never give another man a fair chance.

Things have not turned out well. Definitely not as I hoped. I don't even need to say what I hoped, the hollywood ending would do. But this is not even as I had expected. Having prepared myself for the worst, I had prepared myself for the 'I don't think this would be a good idea, lets just be friends'. I also prepared myself for some weirdness, but I figured the weirdness would mostly be my doing.

What I was not prepared for was a week and a half of almost utter silence (other than a short birthday text). I was not prepared to be held in limbo. I don't like limbo. Hell, I don't even like TO limbo. Of all the people in the world, he was one person I thought grown-up enough to be able to deal with being faced with one's feelings. I thought him capable of paying me the respect of at least speaking with me about it.

I don't know if he's at all cognizant of how difficult it was for me to come out and say what I did. And now what I feel is worse than rejected. I feel utterly disregarded. And like perhaps 13 years of friendship meant more to me than it ever did to him. And it's breaking my heart.

So fuck you Hollywood. Fuck you Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. Fuck you Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman. Fuck you Julia Roberts and whoever you happen to be starring opposite this week. John Cusack, you can take that big old Boombox and Shove it up your ass. Fuck you Molly Ringwald, because Andrew McCarthy is a pussy and Jon Cryer was totally the shit. Screw you all for giving girls like me hope for jumping the gap from friendship to something more.

Confessions of a headphone junkie

Originally written for the Tay Township Report, January 2008

I lost a dear friend of mine two weeks ago. As I was driving home from work, I stopped to pick my children up at their father's house, and hit pause on my iPod Nano. When I came back, all signs of life had disappeared. Frantically, I held down the play button, waiting for the tiny screen to light up. I cradle it's tiny body in my hands, uttering words of encouragement, lightly sprinkled with the odd obscenity, in hopes of talking it out of its apparent technological suicide. After a few minutes, I realized I would have to drive home, with only the radio and the happy squeals of my children for company, for that long five minute drive home. Dejected, I listened to the spurts of chatter and sporadic bursts of melody, as the car stereo scanned in search of a station to suit my needs. Upon arriving home, I crossed my fingers as I plugged my little silver and pink friend into my computer, certain that, like someone in insulin shock, all it needed was a little juice. Nothing.

It may be time for an introduction. My name is Andrea, and I have a problem. I am a full-fledged music junkie. There are plenty of music lovers in the world, but I am an addict. I used music the way others used anti-depressants, as a method of keeping me balanced. When I clean, when I drive, when I walk, when I exercise, it's there, keeping me company. In the early days of my current employment, one of the main draws of the job wasn't the pay, or the hours, but the fact that I was able to spend over 7 hours a day with my then-generic-brand mp3 player, as dear to me then as my little buddy is now. My head would swirl with ideas for playlists. I spent an entire day listening to nothing but the Pixies. More recently I embarked on a plan to listen to every track in my music collection, alphabetically by title. I was excited, and life was good. Poor thing didn't make it past the 'I's.

Upon returning to work after a period of mourning (okay, it was monday) I settled back into my routine. It was then, I had a revelation. Although I had never realized it before, my co-workers wanted to talk to me. Perhaps I was happily distracted, or maybe I just plain couldn't hear them over the melodic strains of Social Distortion, but they had been attempting to communicate with me, and I had been missing out. Every junkie hits that moment, when they realize that their habit has become a hindrance on their life in some way. I realized that my physical and metaphorical attachment to those little earbuds were having a negative effect on my social life - and probably my hearing as well.

It's been two weeks. In a moment of optimism and desperation, I've just plugged my little buddy back into my computer, and imagine that... a tiny, faint apple appeared on it's screen. I'm joyous, but also wary. I hope that, given this second chance, my little friend and I can start over in a relationship thats a little more healthy, for both of us.

Well, I’m out like a cheap plaid leisure suit...

I'm taking the kiddies and heading for the wilds of nothern ontario (and minnesota, Wisconsin, and upper peninsula Michigan) off to see meliss, my best bud in the world.

I have my iPod packed up with all the fantasticness I could fit onto 2 lousy Gigs... that should get me most of the way there, I hope.

I'm hoping my little Betty's trunk can fit all the crazy crap that I have had to pack for this journey.

Eating some cereal, having a coffee, gonna make me a buttload of sammiches (I have a goal to actually stop to eat no more than once... that being said, I've bought a stupid amount of food for the cooler.

Happy Trails all... I'll return in a week!

I'll miss ya, you know who you are.

The non-stoppage

I could probably fill a book with the goings-on of the last few weeks, I tell yas.

Last weekend was my sister's wedding. On the thursday night before the wedding, I get home from baseball to a message that my dad is at the hospital, having been hit in the face with a softball at his own game. Nicky tell's me I should drop the kids off at Tony's and go sit with mom at the hospital. She's a wreck, needless to say. The ball, I should mention, knocked Dad out cold. I'm sure for a few moments she was probably wondering if he was dead. I would have been.

Oddly enough, that same night, at my game, the pitcher on the opposing team got hit with a line drive to the neck. As I'm telling my mom about this, the gentleman across the row from us mention that was his wife. He commented on my uniform and says "So, you're on blue? You're not the one that hit her, are you?' No, I can barely hit, let alone hit hard enough to take someone out. But thanks.

We end up having to follow an ambulance down to RVH, as dad needs to see an emergency ophthamologist. There's some concern about 'damage' - meaning, in short, he could possibly lose his eye. As luck would have it, had he not been wearing glasses, although they did cause some damage, he definitely WOULD have lost the eye. Mom and I drive down there, and wait for the ass-hat ophthamologist (prescibed a bunch of stuff, but forgot to put a quantity on the most important script) to do his thing. It's not looking good at this point. The words 'Hamburger MEat' were used in conjuction with my dad's cornea. He looks like a bag of shit at this point. We are told he has to come back the next two days in a row, and might not be able to make the wedding.

Fortunately, despite things looking dicey on friday (after coming back from the hospital, he was pretty much in bed all day), be saturday, he was there to walk nick down the aisle, get some pictures taken (with large sunglasses to cover up the gore), and through most of dinner. I was glad to see him make it, because it was hard seeing Nick so upset, and conflicted, since it was a freak accident with no one to blame. Things always go wrong at weddings, but to have your dad not being there because of a rogue softball, well, that's pretty fricking wrong.

The wedding itself went off with very few hitches. I had taken the day before off to help with preparations and do the fun/girly mani-pedi day... one of our friends, Sandy brought a cooler of daquiries to the spa, complete with fancy glasses and parasols. By the end of the day though, after running around collecting trees, and the rehearsal dinner, and such, I was pretty wiped, in light of my 2.5 hrs of sleep.

We got a mostly nice day with the wedding, rained for a bit right after the ceremony which through the sched off a bit, but it wasn't disastrous by any means. My girls were adorable, I just kept looking going 'I MADE THOSE!!'. I got through my solo piece without screwing up, and got lots of compliments. Nicky looked fabulous, of course, as did us wedding party members.

I spent this week just kind of recuperating, although I enjoyed some company earlier in the week. Yeah, bizarre I know, but I'm actually 'seeing someone' which is new, and pretty foreign to me, but enjoyable nonetheless. The whole concept takes getting used to, but it's really nice, even if a bit overwhelming, to have someone who wants to be with me, on more than just the 'friend' or 'friendly lay' level. Someone who is willing to even deal with their own shyness and spend a weekend in a strange place with people he doesn't know, if only to spend time with me. Yeah, not really used to that. But I like it.

Which brings me to another fun-filled Pride weekend in toronto, which I will probably have to make a part two of, since I'm dead tired, and coming down with some kind of cold. Blah. Bedtime for me.

I got all mah sistah’s with me

Today was an enjoyable day, out with the girls, just lunching and coffeeing and general shooting of the shit.

It was the type of day I have not had in a while, I've been spending most of the winter as a hermit, not doing enough to even warrant blogging about.

I found it refreshing, to hang out with not only a close friend, but also with her two other friends. I forget sometimes how meeting new people can help to offer new perspectives. It's nice that I can think of these women as my friends now as well.

I started thinking the other day that I make too many excuses for not doing things I really want to do, mostly being lack of time and/or money.

But it's crap really... I make excuses because A) I tend towards laziness sometime, B) Change is intimidating.

I have spurts of bravery, where I decide to go out and do things, or I take risks I would normally not take... with my time, and with my heart as well. I have come to realize, that especially in matters of the heart, I'm more apt to take risks when I know the repercussions are limited.

Which I guess means I don't really take risks at all. Today I left my phone number for the exceeding cute waiter that served us at lunch. Superficial courage, really, because I don't stand to lose much if that call never comes.

I'm thinking I may need to compile one of those 'Before I hit I want to' Lists. I turn 30 in two years. What can be accomplished in two years?

By the end of June, I propose that I will list 10 goals, and begin on working my way toward them.

Some may prove to be less tangible than others (for example, I feel I should make it a goal to be less cautious around people, and learn to trust more), and others may be downright petty, but they are my goals, whatever they may be. I have ideas floating around, but I'd like to have a comprehensive list before I reveal them.

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So, my sister's wedding is coming up in 3-4 weeks, and I guess I must be having sympathy nervousness, because I had this bizarre dream the other night:

I'm at the wedding, and Nicky is ever the radiant bride, but as I'm looking around, something is not right. I realize that we are in a large open gymnasium, seated at plain rectangular tables.


I say to my mom 'Hey mom, didn't anybody decorate? I thought Nicky was getting a decorator." To which my mom replies 'Don't ask, and whatever you do, DON'T say anything to your sister."


So I'm wandering around, and I start hitting on my friends' brother's friend (who would be about 17... I think this is related to another situation in my life right now, only exaggerated) and I realize, we've not done the photographs yet.


"Hey Mom, did anyone get a photographer?"
"Don't ask. Don't say anything to your sister, just pretend its all okay"


Then I took my camera and took a picture of Camilla Parker-Bowles, which resulted in my camera shattering, and I laughed because she had literally broken my camera, when I took her picture.

Then I woke up.

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Oh, by the way, I'm sexually frustrated beyond belief, in case anyone cares. I've found that after a while with dry spells (this particular one being a DOOZY), it becomes an 'Out of site, out of mind' situation... I'm okay if I don't think about it.

It's when the prospect of dirty lovin' rears its head, that HOLY HELL... And rear it's head, it has. Unfortunately, my need to wake up each morning and like myself has thus far prevented me from taking advantage of this special offer.

Personal code of ethics > Libido. *sigh*

I am it.

I've been food blog tagged. 10 interesting food facts about me.


1) I'm ridiculously picky eater. Some people are overwieght because they love food. I am because I hate a lot of food. Most of it is the stuff that is good for me.

2) I was shocked the first time someone told me that peanut butter and banana was an odd combination. I always figured they went together naturally like snow and ice.

3) Last year I counted the number of hot dog carts in Midland. There were five. That's like 1 for every 5,000 people. It seems like a lot to me.

4) Considering my incredibly picky nature, it boggles my loved ones to no end that I love sushi.

5) I love cheerios. I stock up and buy 3-4 boxes at a time.

6) I cannot keep cheez whiz in the house. It's like crack in a jar. Instead I have it on toast when I go to my parents.

7) my fridge is not complete without polskie ogorki pickles.

8) The most common meals in my house are tacos and spagetti.

9) I recently acquired a taste for salad. I would never touch it before.

10) During my second pregnancy I craved philadephia dill pickle dip. I used to get free chips from work, and so I'd buy the dip, and when I ran out of chips, i just ate the dip with my finger.

To the Makers of Guitar Hero

I’m addicted to Guitar Hero, but my main complaint is the lack of Cancon found within.

I hereby propose the following: Guitar hero: Molson Canadian Rocks Edition


*Let it be hereby said that I am claiming a trademark/copyright/intellectual property rights whathaveyou over this idea, and should such an idea come to fruition, I claim 10% to all profits made by both Molson Canadian and the makers of Guitar Hero, or any other such partnerships that arise involving any canadian version of this or similar games Eg: Rock Band, Sing Star et.*

They could give copies away in cases of beer. It’d be great. My wish list for the play list:

THe Guess Who - American Woman: this one is a gimme. It’s well known by many, and has some decent licks. It’s not MY fave guess who tune, but it’s accessible to the public.

April Wine - Roller - 70’s prog-rock is prime guitar hero fodder. (yes peanut gallery, I probably am using that term wrong. I’ve said before, I suck at Genres)

Platinum Blonde - Standing in the Dark: 80’s Duran duran wannabes represent. And I admit, I love this song.

The Tragically Hip - Little Bones: My first instinct was to go with New Orleans is Sinking, but imo, this has better riffs, and is lends itself better to the Easy/Medium/Hard play structure.

Neil Young - Rockin in the Free world: Yeah, I know, another Gimme. Not to mention Neil is pretty much an american now. I still think it works.

The Watchmen - All Uncovered: Just because I think this would be fuckin killer on Expert Level


Sum 41 - Fat Lip: I don’t care, I like this song.

Matthew Good Band - Indestructible: Again, my first instict was ’Hello Time Bomb’ or soemthing, but after listening to a few tracks, I thought this lent itself nicely to the GH format


Headstones - Reframed (Every single failure): Also lends itself well to the GH format, and I just love the headstones.

Kim Mitchell - Go for a Soda: Have a Canad compilation without Kim Mitchell? I think not. And it has MORE COWBELL.

The Tea Party - The Bazaar : Another one that’d be wicked on Expert.


Metric - Patriarch on a Vespa: the list is lacking girls, and newer music.

Sass Jordan - High Road Easy: Speaking of Girls... plus Sass was awesome in her smack phase. Rats.


Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet - Having an Average Weekend: Because this is my fantasy, so I’m combining some of my favorite things... Canadian music, Guitar Hero and Kids in the Hall.


Billy Talent - This is how it goes: In the name of having newer stuff that doesn’t include Nickelback or various nickelback clones

Alexisonfire - Pulmonary Archery: Actually, I’d REALLY like to see this on Singstar, or Karaoke revolution LOL

Trooper - Raise a Little Hell: It’s that Prog-rock thing again... and my sister once opened for them, so I gots the love for trooper.

That’s it for now: Feel free to leave your suggestions... I tried not to pick these solely on my own like or dislike for songs, but for accessibility, recognizability and for how well I think they would translate to Guitar Hero. I also *tried* to cover each decade between now and the 70s.

Oh my god. I can’t believe I forgot RUSH - For this, I’m picking ’The Spirit of Radio’ because it’s frigging nuts.-

I’m also going to ad "Fly at Night" by Chilliwack to my list.