Thursday, May 19, 2011

With respect to the Vandals, "We'll have a drink and throw a parade, and greet the rapture screaming 'Hooray!'

I've started ignoring the news.

It's overwhelming.  For real.  For one, I have a lot to say in response to various things I see, but so much of seems like it's all be said or by the time I find myself with time on my hands, we're onto a new topic of the week.

I considered writing about the mom in San Fransisco who had boasted that she gave her 8-year-old regular Botox injections and had her... erm.. "waxed" so she 'can be a star!'  Children's services apparently got involved because holy shit what parent thinks injecting their kid's face with what is essentially botulism in order to paralyze face muscles is a good idea?

The answer to that is:  People who are only a bit dumber and more looks-obsessed than those who
think injecting their own face with a deadly toxin is a good idea.

Don't even get me started on the waxing thing.  I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain the procedure I'm referring to? If so, Google it.  Sorry, but waxing when there is no hair (which in the case of an eight-year-old, is likely) is basically the equivalent of putting duct tape on someone's bits and ripping off, just for a laugh.

Pretty sick, no? I mean, sick, like disgusting, abhorrent and the like.  Not 'sick' like all the kids are saying it these days.

Yeah, I'm old.  Get off my lawn.

Turns out that was a big fat hoax.

So instead of a looks-obsessed pageant mom, we have a fame-obsessed reality show/pageant mom wannabe.  Which still says a lot from a sociological stand-point about our skewed and ultimately mucked-up celebrity culture, especially in light of the fact that in another week, the world will have all but forgotten Botox mom.  I hope her kid gets the help she's going to need.  Sure, she's not shot all full of toxins or rendered pre-emptively hairless, but having a parent encourage you to lie on national television so they can fulfill some dream of fame, or more accurately, infamy is about as fucked as it gets.

In other news, in looking for an image to go with this post, I found this image and it made me giggle.

It's funny, because it's true.

In other news, we're all gonna die. and I blame some particularly sketchy math.  Don't worry though, it's not going to be for a few months, after a period of torment and such, and let's not forget the dead bodies being strewn about the place.   Well, the good Xtians get a pass on all that and get to be vaporized this Saturday.

I'm wondering if there was any point to planning my daughter's birthday party for Sunday, since it's my understanding that kids get a free pass, being innocents and all?  Or is it one of those 'unbaptised babies spend eternity in Purgatory' things?  In which case, I guess the party is still on, we'll just have to keep an eye out for locusts on the cake.

And the dead bodies being strewn about.  Can't forget that.

Will it happen?  I'm betting not, just like the other times it was all supposed to come crashing to a halt and didn't.  I'm pretty sure the Mayans were just too busy to finish their calendar as well.

Still I will admit, a small part of me wonders if maybe I'm just totally wrong about this.  It's a very small, niggling part.  Logic would dictate that there's probably just as much of a chance of SkyNet becoming self-aware as Jesus returning to earth to zap up all the living and dead Xtians, while us heathens get to writhe and maybe with any luck, loot a bit, but...  it's an irrational fear I suppose.

In the meantime, I've been having fun creating a 'bring on the Apocalypse playlist, as I've been walking around with Blondie's Rapture in my head all week.

So, without further ado, Songs for the End of Days:

Rapture - Blondie
Heaven is a Better Place Today - The Tragically Hip
Running with the Devil - Van Halen
We'll all get Laid - The Vandals
It's the End of the World As We Know It - R.E.M.
Hell - Blind Melon
Only the Good Die Young - Billy Joel
Devil in a Midnight Mass - Billy Talent
Electric Demons in Love - Electric Six
Alert Status Red - Matthew Good Band
Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant


  1. I saw that about that mom as well. I am going to write about that next week.

  2. is it weird for me to say i love you? because i kind of do after this awesome post!!!

  3. I stole that pic and posted it on my blog. Also, I didn't have Rapture in my head at all. Now I do. Thanks.

  4. I saw an add in the paper about grocery lines and the end of the world. Ig the end of the world is coming why the groceries?

  5. The Vandals!!!!!!! Im swooning.

  6. Oilfield - Look forward to reading your thoughts.

    Azia - ❤

    Ninja - Where?

    Bushman - Yeah, that makes no sense. The true believers aren't going to need groceries and heathens like myself.. well, I'm sure there are lots of heathen grocery store workers, and farmers and truckers who are still going to need to work over the next few months until we go kablooey.

  7. Happy Birfday to your little girl, btw

    Hope you're throwing her a "It's the day after the rapture, idiots!" themed party....or Spongebob

  8. Thanks Lance! There's not really any theme other than 'You're Ten!' of which the underlying theme would be '...which means that nutjob number guy was wrong!'

  9. Happy birthday to your daughter!

    Remember, if you hail a cab Saturday, be sure to ask the driver if he has accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. If so, take the next cab. You don't want your driver raptured mid-trip.

  10. Any playlist with the Vandals, REM /and/ Blondie on it is an A+ for me. :)

  11. The Rapture better come with Zombies, otherwise I'm boycotting.

  12. Love the playlist ... who am I kidding? I've never heard more than half the songs there HOWEVER I love the 'idea' behind the playlist and the titles sound appropriate ;)

    Blog hopping today. Started at Bruce's blogroll, so let just say he sent me. I like what I see here, think I'll stick around.

  13. Add for whom the bell tolls and minerva to your list and we'll be kosher.

    It's days like this that your blog gives me a feeling shared by Cornelius in Fight Club...

  14. I know a few people whose bits I'd like to take some duct tape to for a laugh. If you're ever in Atlanta, bring plenty of duct tape, okay? I have some people I'd like you to visit. You know, for a laugh.

  15. Haha, love this post, and I especially love your daughter's b-day party theme. I too have been ignoring the news - it's a circus out there!


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