A quick rant on the dumbest toy ever.

So this past Saturday, my kids and I went to some yard sales as we were killing time before T's birthday party. At one sale, they were getting to close up so they had a 'fill a bag for a buck' table.

One of the things that my darling girls decided to throw in their bag was a peculiar looking stuffie, shaped sort of like a question mark. The woman at the yard sale explained that this was for you to hang on your arm when you are on the phone as an indicator to little children that you are indeed on the phone, and not to be interrupted.

...

I'm sorry, what?

Call me crazy, but I would think that the phone at my ear is a pretty obvious indicator that I am on the phone and not to be interrupted.

I mean, really? Seriously?

Living under the F-Bomb

First off, let me say, I have very supportive parents, which is how this came about. My grandmother was up visiting this weekend for my daughter's birthday party. It seems that my mom found my last blog post impressive and wanted to share it with my grandmother, who doesn't have computer access. In her enthusiasm to share my writing, she (as well as I, not expecting my grandmother to read my blog posts) had overlooked the two very explicit uses of the word fuck in the previous entry. Later, Grandma Ruth expressed to me that although she enjoyed my writing, in her opinion, these two expletives, well, just kind of killed it for her.

Okay, that's fair.

My mother was quick to point out that, in all fairness, I don't swear very often.

Uhm.. *koff* yeah. *looks guilty*

The truth is, I do swear a lot but in all honesty, my own sailor-mouth is one of those personal traits I'm a little ashamed of. My mom, in her defense of me, is kind of right.. because I try to limit my expletives to my own peer and age group, and generally try to avoid it around children, the elderly and people in positions of authority. I'm a little more candid around close friends and acquaintances, but even so, I tend to get a little self-concious when I'm kind of off on a tangent and I realize the person I'm with wouldn't say shit if they had a mouthful. Guilty, I'll usually slow down and apologize for my utter lack of class.

In my writing I do try and avoid this particular epithet and have been known to replace it with all manner of cutesy bastardizations of the word - fragging, fricken, friggin, freakin', feckin'.. even fleurking. But even so, every so often, a well placed F-Bomb can be known to really drive a point home. But it needs to be used sparingly.

This is rather hypocritical of me, but I have little to no patience for people whose every other word is fuck. To me, it shows an utter lack of imagination in their day-to-day syntax. My own guilt comes into play here, as I occasionally find myself going 'Hrm.. I probably could have worded that a little more eloquently'.

The main character in Kurt Vonnegut's Hocus Pocus, Eugene "Debs" Hartke, a former army general whose lack of profanity earns him the name of The Preacher, sums it up best:

"... profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you."

That being said, I'm going to make a distinct effort to limit my use of expletives to only when they are truly necessary. Mark my flippin' words.

Pushing 30.. will 30 push back? Not if it knows what's good for it...

In less than three short months I'll be hitting a milestone. My thirtieth birthday. The completion of three whole decades on this planet, inhabiting this body.

Often milestone birthdays have a tendency to cause people to reflect, to look back on their accomplishments, mistakes, goals, regrets and fond memories. In my own experience, I sometimes find myself at odds with birthdays, mainly because I never seem to quite fit into my own chronology. As a child, I possessed above-average intelligence which meant I understood things around me on a more adult level, yet socially I was always a few years behind. I've never quite felt 'my age'. More or less I tend to like a child who has somehow stumbled upon responsibilities, bills, and children of her own.

"This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife"

As a music enthusiast, I found turning 27 was a particularly surreal experience, as that was when I came to the unsettling realization that I had outlived many of my adolescent role models. In rock and roll, 27 is the new 13. Unlucky.

Although I'm experiencing all the normal apprehension about my big 'three-oh', I'm also finding myself rather excited. As I approach my fourth decade of life, I'm finally finding myself in a place where I have come into my own. My twenties were a time of huge emotional upheaval, turmoil, and most importantly a ridiculous amount of personal growth, and am just now becoming comfortable with myself and where I am.

Let's recount:

- I'm in the best shape, physically, that I have been since I was a teenager, and maybe even better than that. With that has come a great boost in my self-confidence. I can walk down the street and think to myself "Dammit, I feel sexy, I feel good, I'm pretty fucking awesome."

- I have a great group of friends, more close trusted friends than I could possibly have the balls to ask for.

- I have two beautiful, healthy little girls who are also very sweet and incredibly smart.

- I have a job that while not always the most fulfilling, it pays the bills and I don't dread going to - even if the work sucks sometimes, I like everyone I work with, and it's a decent environment.

- I get along great with my children's father and stepmother, with little to no drama involved.

- I'm discovering talents I never knew I had and honing those I did, all the while meeting others with similar interests.

- I've grown comfortable enough with being on my own that I can be decisive and (mostly) discriminating in my romantic life. Simply put, I know I will never settle or put up with more than a minimal amount of bullshit just to avoid being alone.

- did I mention I'm just pretty fucking awesome?

Simply put.. I'm gonna sit back, and relax, because frankly, I think my thirties are going to kick ass.

Thoughts on the Mass-Euthanization at the Newmarket OSPCA

So as many know, an outbreak of ringworm broke out at the Newmarket OSPCA. The OSPCA's response to this outbreak has been to euthanize over 350 animals that have been affected by the outbreak.

Pretty sick, I know, especially, for since for all intents and purposes, ringworm is fully treatable. The question has been raised regarding how such an outbreak managed to occur, and from what I understand, at least one higher-up responsible OSPCA has been fired over this issue.

The public outcry has been such that the OSPCA was forced to cancel a charity walk they had planned. Protesters now plan to hold a 'funeral march' for the doomed kitties and puppies and bunnies (but not the turtles.. apparently they're a-okay). Many people has expressed disgust with the OSPCA (which, I can't really blame them) and have declared that they will no longer donate to the charity.

This is where I feel everyone is getting a little counterproductive. I will not even begin to deny that this is absolutely tragic, but gawd, the hipocracy of some people really creases me. The place has 350 animals to either treat or euthanize. Yes, ringworm is treatable... at what cost, financially? Where is their funding coming from? If a lot of their funding comes from charitable donations then how is pulling your donations HELPING any of these animals? I'd bet my first born* that if the cost was within reach to treat every animal, that it would have been done.

I'm pretty sure the people who work at this shelter are NOT happy about the decision either.. and I'd be willing to bet that it was a heart-breaking one to make. Remember, people generally get into this field because THEY LOVE ANIMALS. But no, people out there are making it sound like Hitler gassing the Jews.

Hey, here's an idea... if every person who is up in arms about this so-called mass murder of cute little puppies and kitties, instead of standing outside the OSPCA all dressed in black with empty travel-boxes and leashes, actually walked in and said "hey, I'd like to adopt one of these unfortunate animals" then took them home and treated them, since ringworm is so very treatable, then BOOM, no little animals need to die. Problem solved.

I don't know, maybe I'm being overly simplistic, and this is something that has been tried, but at any rate is, if the OSPCA, an organization that for years has been dedicated to SAVING animals, is in a position that they feel the need to kill 350 of them, maybe they need our support more than ever, rather than our venom.

*this blog is by no means a legal bet for my eldest child.

M is for misfit

Think back.

Do you remember being in grade school, and one of the cool kids was having a birthday, and you knew it was coming?

Then about a week before, she comes to school with a stack of invitations, dropping one on each desk with a smile, but when she passes your desk, she just kind of walks by without a word.

That's how i feel, right now. Awkward. Invisible. Like third grade.

An Open Letter to the Idiot who cut me off as I tried to merge onto Hwy 12 this morning...

Dear Douchebag,

Hi there.

You don't know me, but this morning as i was coming up the ramp to get onto Highway 12, you and your giant hideous red pick-up truck came up out of nowhere behind me and effectively cut me off as I was trying to merge. I had barely time to put my blinker on before you came careening out of nowhere. Had I seen you a second later, me, my car, and my children would probably have been, to use insurance terms, a 'write-off'.

Did I mention there were children in the car? Yes. Two of them. I like them, they're rather precious to me, and I prefer that they not be maimed or killed because of some asshat that doesn't believe that the first person on the ramp should be the first person on the highway.

I wonder if the guy in the white car that was coming up behind us (oh, yeah, the one I SAW, but apparently YOU didn't) was shitting his pants as you zoomed into his lane as though your pregnant wife was crowning in the passenger seat. I know I was. You may have heard the honking meant to express my dismay.

I'm not sure if maybe the giant truck and overly aggressive driving style is your way of maybe over-compensating for erectile dysfunction issues or some latent homosexual tendencies that you're just not ready to come to grips with, but I suspect this may be the case. The big exhaust pipes coming up the back? Pretty Phallic, if you ask me.

Just sayin'

Anyway, my advice is this: Find a guy, find some little blue pills, and do some experimenting. Hell, it's the 21st century, we're not here to judge. Stop putting people's lives in danger. In with the love, out with the jive. Next time, when you're out pretending you're Jacques freakin' Villenueve at a monster truck rally, remember that you live in a very small town, with a VERY recognizable vehicle. Keep that in mind.

P.S. To the other idiot who almost killed me this morning; You do NOT have an advanced green, so you must wait to make your left turn. I go straight, thus I go first. Asshat.

Animated like me...

Okay, so first off, when I was looking for images for this blog post, I was surprised and a little irritated to find that it's already been done.

Curses. Foiled again. The kicker is that she's picked at least two of the people I had in mind.

No matter.

In no particular order, here's some cartoon characters that bear at least a passing resemblance to myself, because sometimes, I really wish I was an animated character.

Daria


Meg Griffin


Marcie

This one is kind of funny, because I once told my best friend that she kind of resembled Peppermint Patty.

Yeah, she didn't talk to me for like, a week.

Velma


Gretchen (from Recess)


And please allow me a moment of wishful thinking...


Hey, I'm working on that grey streak.. a few more months without haircolor, and I may be able to pass.

Things not to think about when someone is poking you with a sharp metal instrument...

It's generally advised that when you are experiencing something unpleasant (such as childbirth, forced sodomy, or in my case, a subgingival dental cleaning) to think of other things can to help you through the pain and discomfort. Sometimes the wrong thought can result in greater pain as I discovered yesterday in the dentists chair, when a random thought crept into my head and gave me a case of the giggles that threatened to result in my being stabbed in the gums with a rather sharp implement.

In my line of work, I answer a lot of emails. We're somewhat medical-related, and for a while, we would get 4-5 emails a day from surgical instrument manufacturers out of Pakistan. EVERY company claimed that they were the 'Premiere' manufacturer of surgical instruments and supplies.

It's crowded at the top, I tell ya.

It got so bad that I started to wonder if Pakistan operates under a caste system, and if there is a caste that consists entirely of manufacturers of surgical instruments and supplies.

I can picture it now.. a little boy standing in front of his father, declaring his dreams for the future, to be an acrobat, or a bus driver, or a deep-sea diver or an accountant. He is cut down as his father's mighty hand shakes a finger at him:

"No, Habib. You were born a manufacturer of surgical instruments and supplies, and you will die a manufacturer of surgical instruments and supplies!"

Poor little Habib toddles off, disheartened, but soon comes to the conclusion that if he must be a manufacturer of surgical instruments and supplies, he will be the best, nay, the PREMIERE, manufacturer of surgical instruments and supplies.

Along with the many, many, many others.

This is the thought that comes to me as I am watching the hygienist poke around in my mouth with such a utensil..

...quite possibly manufactured in Pakistan.

My momentary brush with identity theft.. or not.

So today, after oh say a couple of months, I decided to check my Rogers email account. This is the account I got with my internet service and I rarely use it. It's the one that goes on my resume (since my others are not real professional-like) and it's also the one I use when I sign up for something and expect to get some junk mail, but no important mail. Generally when I check it, it's just to delete the 100 or so junk emails I've accumulated since the last time I checked it, which is usually every three to six months.

Today when I checked a couple of emails caught my eye. There were three from a gentleman informing me that my tax return was ready and could I please come and pick it up. Oh, and since I'm owing some money, please drop payment in his mailbox sometime this week.

Huh? come again? To someone who has been going to H&R block for the last 5+ years, this seems odd.

The next email is from a woman who appears to be a real estate agent, and is informing me that she can't show my condo on Monday due to a previous engagement.

curiouser and curiouser.

My first instinct is that dear god, my account has been hacked! I sit there reading the emails and sweating nervously, wondering if my first call should be to my internet provider or to my bank to check for 'unusual activity' since any weirdo with the balls to use my name and email probably has my credit card info, and SIN number and all my pass words and the keys to my house and OH DEAR GOD IM SO SCREWWWWWWEDDDDDD!! FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!1!1!!11

*okay.. breathe andie, breathe*

Instead I google the numbers on the emails. Both are from the toronto area and appear to be, for all intents and purposes, real people. I emailed the tax dude and had the following bizarre exchange:

Hi Andrea

As you have a small amount owing please pick-up your return and post no later than Apr 30/10 to avoid any interest or penalty. I will leave envelope in my mailbox for you to pop by today.

Have a good summer.

-C

Dear C,

I believe you may have the wrong email address. I do not know who you are. My return was filed at an H&R block, as they have been for the past 5 or more years.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

Andrea

Dear C,

Following up, I would greatly appreciate it if you could tell me where you got this email address. I'm greatly concerned as I've also received an email regarding a condo that I'm apparently supposed to see, according to some woman I have never spoken to in my life.

Thank you.

I assume you gave it to me as I would have no other way of knowing your email. Sorry you are having trouble with it. What email address should I use?

I don't know what email address you would use, as I am not the person you are trying to reach. I'm sorry there has been a mix up. I'm just trying to find out who is using my email address (and name as well, apparently), as I have never filed a tax return with you.

Yeah it gets pretty boring from there. I called the real estate agent who assured me that there was actually another real person, with my same name, whom she had spoken to in person the other day.

So it turns out there's just some random woman in the Toronto area with the same name, same internet provider and a very similar email address that she keeps getting wrong.

Big sigh of relief.

It happens, you know? Hell, when I got my new cell phone a while back, I was giving out the wrong number for a MONTH. True story. Interesting post-script, during the time that my parents were trying to reach me at the wrong number, my dad finally got a hold of someone who explained that he had the wrong number.

The twist? This someone happened to be a friend of Dad's from high school.

SMall world, right?

On another note, this whole situation has me thinking about the culture of fear that we live in, not to mention the lack of privacy or security in the information age. Funny that my first assumption should be the worst.

In the line of work I am in, I've seen the devastation that can occur when people use the anonimity of the internet as a means to swindle others out of their cash. It's incredibly easy to use fake names, email addresses, phone numbers and create an identity then disappear from the face of the virtual world.

It's also disconcerting how freely people will do things like give a credit card number over the phone, or even in an email. Many people would rather give a credit card number over the phone than enter it into a secured, encrypted site. Bizarre, when you think about it. One may be more comfortable with an actual person on the other end of the line than a computer, but the fact is, while many people are generally honest and on-the-level, I don't think I've EVER met an ill-intentioned computer.

Think about that.

*********************************************************************

Some random questions that have popped into my head through the course of the day.

Why do crackers have holes in them?

What in the name of god is the point of saltines with unsalted tops? Doesn't that defeat the purpose??

Do all animals yawn, or is this strictly a mammalian tic?

Sex and Education

So, a Facebook friend of mine posted an article regarding a new proposed sex ed curriculum for Ontario public schools that would have children young as 6 being taught sex ed.

Read the Article

It got me thinking, as sex education in schools (and in general) has been a hot-button subject (is it bad that I giggled at the term 'hot-button'?) with me since my first year in university when I did an independent study on the advent of the birth control pill.

The following is my response to her post, verbatim:

In my honest opinion, the question shouldn't focus so much on 'who' is being taught, but 'what' and how. Personally, I am a huge proponent of sex ed in schools. Although Lori makes a great point about telling based on her perception of when her girls are ready to hear what, the unfortunate thing is not nearly enough parents are that in-tune. I agree with the statement that they are going to learn it elsewhere and frankly the messages that are portrayed in the media are pretty messed up.. so I think it's a good thing that the education system can step in for damage control, because in all honesty, a lot of parents will NOT discuss things frankly and honestly with their kids, whether it be out of some kind of moral outrage or out of sheer laziness.

As far as what is being taught.. I think oral and anal sex is way too advanced for kids (hell, for a lot of adults too). I also think that some of the wording was kind of inflammatory, such as the part about 'giving kids lessons in oral sex'.

I do think masturbation should be covered, for reasons that it's had a bad rap for a long time, and frankly I think it is healthy to explore and become familiar with your own body, and hell, if a young person is okay with 'taking care of business' on their own, they may not be so quick to run out and experiment with others.

I give HUGE applause to the proposal of covering gender and sexuality identity issues in early sex ed. Sex education in schools these days is hugely heterocentric, and I can only imagine that this has helped foster a feeling of inadequacy in people who fall outside of the so-called 'norms'. Hate stems from fear which stems from ignorance.

My beef with the way sex ed is taught, and I think that the proposed curriculum STILL doesn't do enough to address are the social and emotional implications of sexual activity. This includes thinking critically about the way sex is treated in institutions such as the media, religion, government and so on.

I also think that the open-class type forum (being the 'how' it's taught) is not conducive to open and honest discussion, mainly due to children and adolescent's seemingly ingrained need to 'fit in' with their peers, which may prevent them from really touching on subjects that they are wondering about (playing into that 'taking topics as they come' area) for fear of reprisal from teachers and peers.

That was pretty much where I left off, as I figured at that point, I'm better off, as they say in forum-land blogging that shit.

I can appreciate the desire of many parents to keep what, ideally, should be a parents' responsibility, up to the parents. I found it interesting that one of the comments in the Star's article places the blame on an increase in sexual activity on sex education in schools, but neglects to mention the increasing number of (overwhelmingly dysfunctional) images of sexuality that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. As mentioned, I think in such a media-saturated age, it's of utmost importance to have some sort of 'damage control'

I have always tried (all discomfort and squeamishness aside) to maintain an open and honest diaglogue with my girls where issues of sexuality and gender are concerned, basing their readiness simply on their questions. If they ask, I answer as simply as possible and if they have follow up questions, I answer those as well. The downside of sex education at this early age is that no, it does not account for individual readiness.. but then again, neither does the media.

For the parents that are pro-active in either talking to their children or shielding them from what they feel they may not be ready for, then the issue is not such a pressing one. However, I'm also a proponent of offering alternative views and teaching young people to think critically. There are people who, out of fear or ignorance or plain bigotry would pass down archaic beliefs and while it is not my place to say what is the 'right' or 'wrong' opinion to pass down, I think it's crucial to have a second opinion. Being able to think critically also helps down the line when perhaps in a situation of peer pressure a young person may find themselves able to weigh what they've been taught by both family and school against the current situation - for example 'It's okay, I'll pull out.. hahahaha.'

I could go on for ages, but I kind of wanted to stay on topic, but I'm interested in the debate.

In a follow up, the new curriculum, under pressure from family and parent groups and in the face of a looming election, was postponed.

Follow Up Article

In reading the second article, I actually lost some of my indecision. The way the timeline is laid out in the sidebar, I really don't think their is anything particularly outrageous about the ages that the subjects are brought up. Again, much depends on the 'how' rather than the who. As I mentioned earlier, the inflammatory language of the source in the Star article refers to lessons on anal and oral sex, whereas the parentcentral article says that the grade seven curriculum may 'touch on' anal and oral sex - two entirely different approaches.

I have to mention, I like the wording of 'delaying' sexual activity as opposed to abstinence. As well, I think grade seven/eight is a good time to start bringing up gender identity. The source quoted in the Star seemed to give the impression that 6 and 7 year olds would be made to question their identity. Meanwhile, grade 7 and 8 I have found is the age where kids start using words like 'queer' and 'fag' and 'slut' and 'bitch' to hurt each other... thus the perfect age to start looking at the connotations behind such terms.

When it's broken down in steps like this, I really don't find much objectionable at all.