Friday, August 19, 2011

Happy Birthday, Little One

Today is my youngest daughter's eighth birthday.

A few months ago, when my older daughter celebrated her 10th birthday, I wrote about how I found out I was pregnant, and about the day I was born.

I'm not going to do that today.

For two reasons, mainly:

Back in May, I had regular access to a working computer.  So that's something.. I've still not got the home comp fixed so I'm forced to blog in spare moments here and there.

Second, the time of Reegs' birth was not a particular happy one for me.  I'm sad to say, I've blocked a lot of that period of time out of my memory.  The parts I remember tend to make me a little stabby and rage-filled, even after all these years.  In the name of keeping things upbeat, I'll avoid the specific events of the day.  Maybe another day I'll go into them, but now is not the time.

What I will say is that there was, once upon a time, a decision I had to face due to circumstances that were beyond my control.  A decision that, had I chosen otherwise, would have meant that I would not be sitting here writing this today because there would be no happy birthday today.  I chose what I felt I needed at that time.

The love that I felt for this little girl was probably the only thing that kept me sane during what was, up to that point, the worst period of my life.  Okay, even to this point, it was still the worst period of my life.

*Knocks wood.*

She was, and continues to be, a smiling, giggling, thoughtful, beautiful, mysterious beacon of hope that I thank the great unknown forces of the universe for on a daily basis because I don't know what I would do without either of them in my life.  Although I love Tierney every bit as much - she was my first, she made me a mother - I have a special place in my heart for my Reagan, maybe because of the circumstances of her birth I feel more protective of her, feel more of a need to be sure that no matter what, she knows that she is loved and wanted by all those around her.

The birth of your sister forever changed my life and who I was for the better.  Yours saved me.
Happy Birthday Reagan.

5 comments:

  1. This literally just made me tear up. I'm glad you made the choice you did. Tell her Happy Birthday from all of us in the blogosphere!

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  2. I'm all teared up, too. My heart aches. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl!

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  3. Wow. That was...wow. Thank you for sharing that. Happy Birthday Reagan.

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  4. Tugged on my robot heart string.

    She's gorgeous.

    Happy Birthday

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  5. I'm a few days late, but a very happy birthday to you, kiddo.

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