Conversations like this make my brain hurt.

Ever have one of those days where you deal with so many stupid people that you start to wonder if you're the one that's incompetent?

I had one of those days.  I actually asked my co-worker if there was something off about my speech patterns, because nobody on the phone seemed to be able to grasp the relatively simple concepts I was trying to explain.

A woman called into the helpdesk and starts asking about getting repair service for a lab balance.  I try to help her navigate the site and she starts getting snippy

"Can you just give me the URL?"

"Certainly, ma'am. *starts spelling url*"
"Wait, what was that.. v...?"
"yes, V as in Victor, two"
"The number two?"
"Yes.  Now See, Aye, Tee, Eee, Gee, Oh, Are, Why..."
"Wait, wait, hold on.. Pee, Ay... Pee... tee..."
"No, ma'am.  See, Aye, Tee... 'Category'
"wait, what?  Pee?"
"No, ma'am.. C as in Cat."
"I'm sorry I don't understand."

I'm getting a little exasperated, so I try to help her navigate to this particular directory from the home-page.  She immediately interrupts.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're talking about.. Pee, Aye.. Pee.."
"No, mam, it's Category.. C as in cat."

She's getting aggravated.

"I don't understand why you can't just give me a phone number.. you're the manufacturer.. " (I've already explained that we are NOT a manufacturer and that we don't deal with any equipment)

"Actually, we're not a manufacturer. As I mentioned, we're a listing service.. "
"Well, can't you just give me a number?  I mean, I don't understand what you're saying..."

No, you don't. 

"... Like, I get phonics but I don't understand.. we don't use C for cat.."

Are you effing serious?  You can't grasp that C is for cat?  And who is we?  You and your spouse?  The company you work for?  The state of Utah? 

I get the make out of her, and it's a very well known maker of lab balances.  In fact, if you google this company, the first 6 or 7 results link to the manufacturers website. 

Why, the effing eff would you NOT A) Ask for the manufacturer and not a repair company?  or B) Google the effing manufacturer?  Crap on a friggin' cracker people.

Speaking of crackers, the next guy is from Alabama, so I know this conversation is a write-off.  I am sure there are plenty of intelligent, if not freaking brilliant people in Alabama and other Southern States.. but holy hell.. people start speaking southern to me and I want to talk to them like they are five freaking years old.  The deeper south, the more i want to talk down to them.

It  reminds me of the clip before, from comedian Leo DuFour when he was on Comedy at Club 54. My family used to watch and tape this show constantly, and I'm excited that more of these clips are showing up on YouTube.

The Alabama College bit is at  0:48 .  (embedding disabled.  Figures)

For shits and giggles, here's part one.  Well worth the wait.

Anyway... that's the way my day was going.  To quote Mr. DuFour.. whatever you're riding, wear a helmet more often.