Sunday, May 27, 2012

Conversations with my sister's kid: defining masculity

My sister has a giant Newfoundland dog.  Giant puppy, actually.  So all the playful exuberance of a puppy in a package roughly the size of a mastodon.  The kids, I'm sure, love her, but it's pretty safe to say the novelty has worn off.

R: I think when I get my own place I'm going to get a cat, just so I won't be lonely.

R: That's not too gay is it?

*facepalm* (He's a teenager, so I try to have patience, but really?)

Me: No, I'm pretty sure having sex with men makes a guy gay, not owning a cat.  Besides, who cares?  Are you worried your masculinity is going to be called into question if you live with a cat?

R: Yes, kind of.

Me:  Just make sure to give it a really hyper-masculine name.. like Machine Gun Larry.  Even if it's a girl.

R (in suavest manner a 16-yr-old can muster): "Hi.. this is my cat, Machine Gun Larry." 


In other news, I'm totally making plans for the imaginary cat that my nephew doesn't even own yet.



12 comments:

  1. Being super happy could also make him gay, you should ask hat kind of gay he doesn't want to be... Because if it's the happy kind of gay than you may have the beginnings of an emo nephew on your hands. Also, Machine Gun Larry needs to have a cig in his mouth all the time! It's okay it won't kill him, he's got nine lives... Oh yeeeaah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And Machine Gun Larry will eat only raw, red meat served with a bowl of Jack Daniels.

      He should probably wear an eyepatch too.

      Delete
    2. I suggest avoiding an eyepatch. Haven't you seen those direct tv commercials?

      Delete
    3. I haven't actually.. no Cable.. I'm not sure we even have Direct TV in Canada.

      Delete
  2. I know I've seen some old tom cats that you would not want to mess with. Nothing but masculinity and testosterone there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Before he ran away, my old Tom, Spartacus, was a bit of a big old brute.

      Delete
  3. It would also help if he could train the cat to have a lion-like roar, instead of, you know, meow piteously and purr like a nice pussy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I'd be inclined (were this actually my cat and not a made-up one I imagined for my nephew) to teach it to growl the word 'Meow' in a kind of Clint Eastwood type voice.

      Delete
  4. Machine Gun Larry is the best cat name ever! Well done, my friend, well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really, really wish I had thought of it when I was naming the kittens.

      Delete

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