Saturday, December 15, 2012

Today I am all out of patience.

Today I am out of patience.  Outwardly, I look okay.  Normal.  I'm going to go, do some christmas shopping with a friend, have dinner with The Well-Travelled One and go about my business, while inside I kick and scream and throw a toddler-tantrum at the sheer un-fucking-fairness of it all.

There's so much anger inside me right now.

I'm angry that, as a friend of mine pointed out, we don't show the same level of remorse and shirt-wrending heartache when we hear of children across the ocean being killed daily by bombs and artillery.  Over there are also parents who woke up one morning, kissed their child that morning only to mourn them by day's end.  We call them collateral damage and hush people who dare to mention little brown children dying when clusterbombs are dropped on school yards because we need to support the troops.

I'm angry at the people who are suggesting that the way to prevent gun deaths is with more guns, rather than less, as though arming teachers couldn't have possibly ended in more bloodshed.  I'm angry when people say that this is not the time to talk about gun control, when people are dying.   This is the perfect time.

People say that he would have found another way.  Perhaps a bomb, perhaps stabbing like the guy in China that stabbed 22 school children.  Do you know how many of those children died?


Fucking ZEE-ROH.

So don't tell me now is not the time to talk gun control.  This is the perfect time. Don't tell me less access to guns wouldn't have made a difference.   Today 22 parents in China are thanking their lucky stars instead of mourning their lost babies.

I am angry at people jumping to the obvious conclusion that this man must have been 'mentally ill'.  Is it a possibility?  Yes.  But not all mentally ill people are violent and not all violent people are mentally ill. To assume so does a huge injustice to the non-violent mentally ill.  It is not up to me or you to diagnose.

I am angry at the idea that this could have been prevented by allowing God back into our schools.  We kept Him out.  We refused to let people pray.  (We refused to force people to pray, actually).

I want no part of any God who would let little children die because we do not worship as he sees fit.

I have been told, in dark moments, that God has a Plan.  Was this part of it?  Cold comfort to the families who are living a nightmare today.   I have been told on numerous occasions that he is both omnipotent and loving.   If he couldn't have saved those children because he isn't "allowed" in schools, then he is not omnipotent.  If he wouldn't, then he is not loving.

An omnipotent, loving god would have stopped Adam Lanza before he ever reached the school into which he was not 'allowed'.


  1. Why does everything always go back to the gun? Why are we not teaching parental control? Parenting? How to raise children to not behave like this?
    These are the real issues. The gun is not to blame. The people are. It will always be the people. Once we take away the guns, then we will have to take away the knives. After that it will be the baseball bats and then the lead pipes. There is no question about someone's state of mind that can murder anyone not just children. Unfortunaley we are all a product of our environment. We need to fix people. I am dumbfounded as much as anyone but I don't want to run out and start casting stones and judging. I just want to mourn those innocent people and take a look at my life and ask what am I doing to make this world a better place?

    1. The gun is the tool, and too often it makes it too damn easy? Why can we not look at the tools? Tim mcveigh blew up a building and killed children and they put restrictions on the sale of fertilizer. Fertilizer, for Pete's sake. Because it can be used as a tool for making bombs. But how many gun deaths have week had this year? This month? And it's never appropriate to talk about the fact that maybe, just maybe, the availability is making these things too damn easy.

  2. I agree with both of you. Somewhat. We need more responsibility in parenting and in our communion. We need to care for and teach our children and we need to care for and teach each other. We're all part of a larger whole. We do owe each other and we do need each other. Others affect our lives as we affect theirs. We need to help and to accept help. I don't know if this was caused by mental health issues, but it should definitely bring up the question. What is the state of mental health at this time? Is this being addressed? I can tell you in my own experience that right now it can be considered a pre-existing condition and be discluded from any coverage given by an insurance company. We make these monsters. Every single one of us and we need to find out how anytime a new one arises.

    As for guns, I think this should cause more restrictions. I don't think there is any reason for the average citizen to own an assault weapon. There's just no good reason for it. I also don't see any reason for any person to own more than one handgun at a time. Especially automatics. I don't think criminals get their guns legally, but I do think it'll be more difficult to get them illegally the harder it is to get them legally.

    What really bothered me yesterday was seeing so many posts from so many people who spoke only about gun control (for or against) as their reference to Sandy Hook. Nothing else. Why exclusively gun control? I can think of so many other questions and issues:

    What role did mental health play? Are we doing enough on that issue?

    Why the school? What was the connection?

    What sort of procedures were in place for a situation like this for the school to follow? Are they adequate?

    What is being done for the survivors? What needs to be done for all of those children and educators and parents? How can we provide it?

    Are we giving 'glamour' to the perpetrator by mentioning his name? Should we only be mentioning names like Victoria Soto? How can our media handle these things differently? Will that impact the perpetrators of crimes like these?

    There's so much to consider with events as horrific as these. I hope this proves as a rallying point for changing gun laws. Then finally we may be able to move past just that one issue and be able to view events like these with a wider scope and possibly root out the many causes instead of arguing over the 'one' cause.

    But will that cure the complacency of the person who argues gun control as he would football in the aftermath of Sandy Hook? This did not take place in a video game or a movie. This isn't a hypothetical strategy session. These are real people bleeding and grieving and dying. We are the dead children, the parents left behind, the cops who wish they could've gotten there sooner. In another life, in another second, if a butterfly flaps its wings on the other side of the world, we are them and this isn't so distant anymore. So it is our responsibility to give a crap more than just banter.

    It's our responsibility to absorb the enormity of this and not try to pin it on any one cause or to push it away as not something that affects us personally. It doesn't matter our color or our country or our political leanings or our religion. Did I mention it's not about gods? Most I've heard of gave us free will. Therefore, it is OUR responsibility to discover the contributing factors and do our best as individuals, as communities, and as a people to make things better. And better. And better.

  3. Whoa. Guess that's a whole 'nother blog post.

    1. Lol, it should be, that was great. I want to clarify that I definitely think there should be ample discussion on mental health. My issue was only that people make armchair diagnoses in these cases and it sometimes leads to conversations that harm the non-violent mentally ill..

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  4. I cannot understand the worshiping of guns. Oh yeah, it is wrapped up in all sorts of pseudo logic...but the fact is, guns are worshiped. The passion and fervor wrapped around weapons is bizarre.

    Just was browsing and hit upon this post....and enjoyed it.


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