Thursday, October 13, 2011

Say It, Don't Spray It.

I have a lisp.

Or I used to.

I've been told that it's gone away.  Some claim they still hear it.

I don't know, I've never really been aware of it, personally.

I figure it's a result of an underdeveloped jaw and teeth that are just too bloody big for my head.  I have vague memories of being sent to a speech-language pathologist as a small child who spent hours with me insisting that I try to make a boat with my tongue...

Clearly, the pathologist was a waste of time, because 20+ years later I still had this impediment.  Go figure.

I once dated a guy who had a real 'thing' for my lisp.  For reasons entirely beyond my comprehension, he found it...sexy?

Let me be clear.  I don't have one of those cute cross-between-a-two-year-old-and-Tweety-Bird lisps where all your Elle's and Arh's come out like Double-You's.
"Hewwo Saiwor.. Buy Me a Dwink?" - Source
No, indeed, I have the Say-it-don't-spray-it brand of lisp that results in all of your Esses making you sound like a drunken anaconda.  HAWT.

In university, I somehow always ended up doing oral presentations on topics that succeeded in aggravating my particular speech impediment:

For History of Science:  An independent study on the history and development of the Oral Contraceptive.  Lots of fun words to say, like Estrogen, and Progesterone!

For Minority Groups throughout the World:  A presentation on... The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment

and for Environmental Science: The Commercial Fishing Industry in Canada:  Pacific Salmon.

Oh yeah.. for that last one, I had a choice, east coast or west coast.  Do you think I picked the east coast?  Oh Hell no.  That would have been too easy.  Not nearly enough Ess sounds in ATLANTIC COD, noshiree.

*sigh*

Wait.. 

*shigh*

9 comments:

  1. Hmmmm... the one time I talked to you, I don't believe I heard any lisp. Of course, it was so long ago, who's to say? Certainly not I ;-)

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  2. I bet you lisp when saying lisp like how stutterers can't say stutter. Man, people who name speech impediments were dicks. (Excerpt from my 1982 stand up routine)

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  3. I have to admit I find a lisping woman sexy myself, is there a name for this?

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  4. @Chris - You were probably too busy waiting for me to say aboot

    @pickle - Probably.. it's like Lishp

    @Tony - I'm finding it's more common than i thought.. but I can't find a specific name for it, and I've tried all manner of Google search terms I never thought I'd ever use. I even tried to invoke Rule 34. Nothing.

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  5. I saw a speech pathologist when I was little! And while mine was just for mispronouncing some letters I also still have my "accent" - and once met a guy who thought it was hot!

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  6. I saw that! Your post that I commented on today inspired me to write this

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  7. Your *shigh* at the end made me burst out laughing. That was unexpected. :)

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  8. I'm 31 and I stutter. It gets way worse when I don't think about what I'm saying before I speak. Probably why I like writing.

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  9. If you can't hear it then I say it's gone away but for the losers that feel the need to point it out...there's no 's' involved in giving them the finger. :)

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Engaging in discussion and/or general sucking up.. that's where it's at!

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