Saturday, January 10, 2015

No Plow Snow Plow I Don't Wanna Go Plow

I live in Canada.

It snows here.  A lot. It gets cold. Really cold.

There's an old joke about Canada having four seasons: Winter, More Winter, Dear God Even More Winter, and Roadwork.

(It should be mentioned, for those who don't live here, that this is not true everywhere.  It's a big friggin' country, with many climate zones.  Not everyone is subject to brutal winters, right Cheryl?)

But here in Central Ontario, it snows.  Like a mofo.  What's more, it gets cold.  Cold enough to freeze your god-dammed Winnebago, in the immortal words of Fozzie Bear.  Or was it Doc? Maybe it was the singing snowman, I don't know.

A friend and co-worker expressed annoyance at people who complain about Canadian winters.  I partly agree.  If you have lived in Canada for any number of years, there is no reason you should be surprised when you get dumped with 20cm of snow every day for a week, or if you wake up to -30C-with-wind-chill temperatures.

It really shouldn't come as a shock.

That being said, I fully reserve my right to complain about freezing my ass off, despite of wearing layers of clothing.  I fully reserve my right to complain about the sheer volume of static electricity emanating from my body at any given time, and about my compulsive need to tap or kick every door I go through, lest I somehow forget and manage to electrocute myself with the static build-up.

I reserve my right to complain about assholes on snowmobiles who do 65kmh down my tiny road with the 40kmh speed limit at 11 at night.  I also withhold my sympathy for people who send their machines through the ice when they knew damn well we had open water less than three weeks ago.

My house is drafty, my toes are cold.  I'm gonna complain.

I didn't ask to be born in this bullshit climate.

Were it not for the socialized medicine and certain custodial arrangements, I'd have fled this godforsaken no man's land years ago.  

Is this a traffic sign, or a plea for help?  SOURCE


  1. I actually don't think it's that cold here. And I reserve the right to be elitist because I'm a Northerner (capital n), yo!

    My only gripe about winter is people who complain about the school buses not running. If someone does that I automatically think they are a douche nozzle, no questions asked. :)

    1. True that.. I will defer to the true northerners on this one.

      The only thing that gets me about the bus thing is that sometimes it seems so arbitrary. There are days where I wake up, look outside and think "No WAY they're going to send the buses in this!" but yup, buses are running, where other days get called and I look out the window/at the forecast and am baffled, because everything looks downright pleasant.

      Don't have a problem with cancelled buses in general, just sometimes the logic escapes me.

    2. I think it's because they have to make the call so early that sometimes at 530/6am, it looks great outside and then 15 minutes later you can't see a thing.

      There is a consortium that makes the ultimate decision and they do it in conjunction with weather reports/traffic reports/opp so it's not an exact science. They do they best they can with what they have.

      Also, it can seem perfect outside the window (like yesterday) but then 10 minutes away the roads are closed (CR 6) because they can't see a thing. The weather here is CRAZY!

  2. What's this roadwork season you speak of?

    Oh wait, I think I remember that's the time of year I have to use the shovel to add stuff to the road to keep it passable, instead of shovelling to remove stuff to keep it passable.

    1. Yeah, my bad. Roadwork doesn't actually exist on our street. It's otherwise known as bonfire season.

  3. It got up to 82 or so here the other day, but has finally calmed back down to a high-60s. Yay southern California.

  4. We are expecting s heat wave today. 30 F. I may put my shorts back on. Even this morning, in the dark, while letting my dogs out I could feel the difference. It has been below 10F all week. My face is chapped, my hands are peeling and that little electric shock you speak of? Driving me bonkers.

    But once in awhile when the sun shines just right and the snow blankets everything so softly it just feels nice.

  5. Oh god, yes, the burning itchy skin. I'm prone to dehydration since the surgery so winters drive me nuts.


Engaging in discussion and/or general sucking up.. that's where it's at!