Sunday, October 31, 2010

Best Halloween Week Moments and Quotes 2010 Part 2

Before the Halloween party, trying to find said halloween party.  

"You can be 'Guy with Slippers'"


We're at a house with a similar address to the party.
Knock on door.  A guy answers.  There's beer bottles and a bong in the backround, so it looks like there might be a party there.

Me:  "Is this Jade's house?"
Stoned Guy: "Jay's?"
Me: "No, Jades.  Jades house."
Stoned Guy: "Jane?"
Me: "JAY-DUH"
Stone Guy: "No, I don't think so."

"At least he'll have a good story tomorrow.  'Some chick showed up at my door in a prom dress and blood.'"


Halloween Party

"Things you should never title a children's book:  'So you've been molested'"

Tessa: "I remember you having bigger boobs."
Me: "Is that like, a pick-up line?"

"Your face is falling off"

"Touch me, I'm gay."

"If I cock-blocked you by saying 'hi' then dude, you need to step up your game."

Trick or Treating

My friend has just asked for kleenex while her kids trick or treat at her baby-daddy's place.  She's given a half-roll of toilet paper.
Me:  We should go toilet paper someone's house.
Her:  *pause*  *giggles*
Me:  I know what you're thinking!
Her:  We can leave a note saying "Thanks!"

"Hallowe'en is like night-Christmas, but without all the Jesus."

My kid:  "No More Oh Henry's please!"
Friend:  "Don't be picky!"
Me:  Yeah! Candy is candy.. there are starving kids in Africa with no Candy!
Friend's oldest kid: "So?  I'm not going to donate my candy."

To Quote the annoying mastercard commercials

Yard Sale Prom Dress:  $3.00
Jumbo bottle of fake blood: $6.00
Dollar Store Tiara: $1.00

Going out for Halloween as an instantly recognizable cultural icon from a Stephen King novel:  Priceless

Friday, October 29, 2010

Best Halloween Week Moments and Quotes 2010 Part 1

At Toronto Zombie walk: 

"I have blood on my bra *sad face*"

Trying to take realistic pictures on the way to Toronto: 
Me: "Zombies drive cars.  It's true."  
Sammi: "Close your eyes.  I want you to look dead."
Me: "For god's sake, tell me when the light turns green."

Me: "This is one day I don't care if I get ketchup on my face"
Sammi: "Being a zombie is no excuse for being a slob"

"Hey, at least the rain will wash the blood out of your parents driveway."

In Female Monty Python Character voice:  "Brains, Brains, Brains, Spam and Brains."

Decorating the house:

Talking the children into sacrificing a Bratz styling head and a baby doll for the house decoration.

"I can't get this knife to stay in the baby."

Inadvertantly making the shed look like a crime scene while prepping my costume.

Going to work in full Zombie Gear:

My friend Mike, upon seeing me in the parking lot at work:  "Why is it that this doesn't surprise me in the least?"

Greeting my co-worker:  "Morning Ange!"
Ange: *spits coffee*

My Boss (after meeting with another co-worker who was dressed as a pirate): "Got a second?"
Me, turning around: "Sure Do."
Boss:  "*sigh+chuckle*  I can't take anyone seriously today."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

All Hallow's Rant.

I just want to state right off the bat, that we as people should try to be sensitive to one another and respectful of people's beliefs.

That being said, "Orange-and-Black" day is a giant pile of lame.

Yes.  Orange and Black day.  That is what my childrens' school calls a Halloween celebration.  No costumes.  Just Orange and Black clothing.

L.A.M.E. Lame.

In what universe does it make sense that I am allowed and encouraged to dress in costume at my office job, yet my children are subjected to this?   I've heard a number of reasons behind this, the main one being:
  • We don't want to leave out the kids who don't celebrate Halloween.
  • We don't want kids to lose parts of their costumes before Halloween.
First,  I've generally been of the opinion that the way to promote diversity is to engage others in traditions, rather than shy away from them.  I generally get on this more around the holiday season, by maintaining that rather than trying to erase christmas from schools, schools should also teach about other celebrations such as Chanukah, Diwali, Kwanzaa etc, especially in more culturally diverse areas.  I don't think anyone should be forced to participate, but then we get the argument 'well, we don't want the kids who don't celebrate to feel like weirdo's or something

Secondly, kids are gonna get left out of stuff.  We as adults do children a huge disservice by constantly trying to level the playing field, because when they are in the real grown-up world, there is no level playing field.  We do more damage, in my opinion, by going 'well, Johnny doesn't celebrate halloween, so none of us can, so Johnny doesn't have hurt feelings.'  How alienated is Johnny going to feel when all the other little kids know he's the reason they can't wear their h'ween costumes to school?

The second one I got from my younger daughter's Kindergarten teacher a couple of years back.  Flabbergasted?  Yes i was.  That year was especially stupid, because Orange and Black day was strictly a Kindergarten thing.. the older grades were allowed to wear their costumes to school.   So parents with more than one kid at the school were stuck explaining to their 4 and 5 year olds that they couldn't wear costumes, but their brothers/sisters could.  Real nice.

My reaction (non-verbal, in-my-head reaction) to this teacher's reasoning that she didn't want to be responsible for making sure the kids didn't lose parts of their costumes was "Are you kidding me?  Why are you even a teacher?"  Seriously, what a friggin' cop-out.  Oh, while on the subject, when I brought banana muffins for their Orange and Black.. erm.. party, I was told 'sorry, healthy treats only."  Shit.  All that heroin I laced the muffins with going to waste.  Seriously?  Banana Muffins=Junk?  At least my co-workers liked them.

(I am in no way insinuating that any of my co-workers are smack addicts.  Just in case of any confusion)

The other thing that bugged me is that there probably are people out there who would get mad at the school if Little Precious lost part of their costume, when they should be A) mad at their kids for being irresponsible and losing stuff or B) mad at themselves for buying expensive costumes when they could easily make them, knowing full well that kids are irresponsible and lose stuff.

If my kids lose a part of their costume at school, I'm out maybe 2-3 bucks (because I refuse to buy costumes, and prefer to piece them together - I may buy components but on the whole, I costume pretty cheaply) and they have to make do with whatever we have lying around the house, and if they don't like it, they shouldn't have lost their costume.

Simple.  Teaching kids at a young age to respect their belongings and hold themselves accountable.

*sigh*

I guess I can take some solace that at least they're not pulling out the old played out "Oh Noes!  Devil worship!" arguments.  But Really? 

I'm thinking I'll dress them in their black and orange, and if they want, do some zombie makeup.

Civil disobedience, Kids.  That's where it's at.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

WWWednesday - In Sickness and In Health plus "Thwarted"

Weighed in today, down 3.5 lbs, which was pretty encouraging, however I think some of this could be sick-loss, as I've been feeling pretty craptacular this week.

I tracked for the first three days this week, Wednesday, Thursday and part of friday.  Even though I didn't track all of Friday I think I still managed to stay within my point limit.  Tracking for the rest of the week fell apart but obviously it wasn't a total loss. 

Saturday I walked for nearly three hours during the Zombie walk.  Sammi's mom had taken us out for lunch at a Sushi restaurant.  I ate until I was satisfied.  The platter we got was mostly sashimi (I think) so once all the rolls were gone, there wasn't much I was tempted to pick at.  We hit a McD's after the Zombie walk, and I ordered a burger.  It's pretty amazing to think that a few years ago I'd still be hungry after a combo, and now I'm good with a double burger and a coffee.  Crazy.

Sunday we went for Lunch at the Rainforest Cafe.  I was still feeling shitty (the cold I've been bitching about this week).  I had ordered A triple decker grilled cheese with fries, and I guess this could have proved disastrous, but I ended up having maybe half the fries, and half the sandwich.  The second half of the sandwich ended up going home and becoming my dinner.

The next couple of days I was on my ass with this cold, so I was basically subsisting on toast and soup, and more toast.  I loves me some toast.  I bought this friggin' "Just Peanuts" peanut butter a while ago, and all I have to say is Peanut butter just ain't peanut butter without a crap-ton of hydrogenated palm oil and other chemicals.  Just peanut Peanut butter seems oddly unnatural. 

In light of today's good fortune, I'm taking another crack at tracking this week.  Of course with Halloween coming up, that's gonna be a challenge.  One joy of being a single parent is that by taking my kids out, I don't have to shell out. Because I don't have to shell out, I don't have to buy candy.  So that's one obstacle out.  Because the ex-hubster is in the picture, parentally-speaking, I may be able to send the girl's halloween haul to HIS house (although their stepmom, having similar weight-loss goals, may object!), but at any rate, that potentially gets rid of another road-block.  I also have a party to attend, but if I decide to come home, I'll be DD-ing, which means my 'liquid points' will be minimal.

Ugh.  Speaking of road-blocks, I got bag-blocked this week.  No, it's not as dirty as it sounds.  Since July, my exercise regimen (although I use regimen loosely.. ) has included twice-weekly one-hour kick-boxing classes.  I was surprised at how enthusiastically I've taken to this sport, and within weeks I was making plans to clean out my shed (partly done) and install a punching bag.  Uncle Bucks had one in their front window, originally priced at $80.  With my summer bonus, I hemmed and hawed and ended up buying a bike instead, since at that point the shed was still a disaster, and I didn't even own gloves.

Some time went by and I decided when the next quarter's bonus came in I was definitely going to do it.  I went in last week and inquired about the weight and confirmed the price.  I had seen others on Kajiji for around $50 so my plan was to haggle with them, as it had been in the window for quite some time.  They told me it had been marked down to $45.

So a day or two later got the cash out of the bank and after work I ran, panting into the store as the young guy I'd spoken to previously was putting the second-hand bikes back inside the store in preparation for closing time and declared "I've come for the bag!"  to which he informs me that he just sold it earlier that day.

"ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME?" I yelled in the middle of the street.  Yes'm right there on the sidewalk.  Damn thing had been in the front window for no less than three months, and someone buys it out from under me the day I finally decide to suck it up and shell out the cash. This is what I get for being cheap.

So back to Kajiji I go, while I can still kind of afford it.  Barring that, there's always Christmas.  *wink, nudge*

Monday, October 25, 2010

Hot Toddy Time.

I am sick.  I've been fighting it for about a week, but it's finally caught up to me.  Usually my way is to give in completely at the first sign of sniffles, and get that shit over with.  But this is October and with my favorite holiday season in full swing, there's been just too much I have not wanted to miss out on.  November 1st, I will happily succumb to whatever cold or flu symptoms decide to immobilize me, because frankly, what am I going to miss?  Remembrance Day?  There's a party no one wants to skip.

For those who are unfamiliar with a Hot Toddy, which I am currently sipping before bed, it's a drink consisting of tea, honey, lemon and a big old shot of whiskey (Wiser's special reserve being my brand-of-choice).  It's hot, tastes like ass, but clears your various respiratory cavities and beats the hell out of Neo Citran.

In light of it being less than a week until Halloween, I've been fighting this cold like *insert a famous old-timey boxer here* on steroids.  I've also been hanging out with a friend of mine who's been visiting Canada this month after not being home for two years.  There's been much to do.  Last weekend she came to my house and we went karaoking, then for sushi and shopping on the Friday.  Saturday we took my girls on an impromptu visit to Castle Village where my little one braved the Museum of Horror, while the eldest child stayed upstairs in the gift shop and hung out with the owner's daughter.

The rear of Castle Village is a park/walking trail referred to as the Enchanted Kingdom, and there's a trail with a bunch of nature facts on signs, and there are houses that you can look inside to see different fairy tale tableaux eg. Snow White, Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks, etc.  My friend commented that Goldilocks looked like she'd already had her run-in with the bears.

Oh we got chip truck fries and poutine for lunch.  I am told chip trucks are not common in the U.S.?  Or, at the very least in SoCal.  Interesting.

This weekend I drove down to the city Saturday morning so Sammi and I could participate in the Toronto Zombie Walk.  On the way down I stopped a friend's place in Anus-Ville (her particularly cute nickname for Innisfil) to pick up a very cute mosaic she had made years ago, and was giving away to clear some space.

Due to my general inability to gauge drive times, we had a pleasant but short visit and I was off to the city once again.  After lunch we got all zombied up and headed for Trinity park.

Zombies drive cars.  True fact.

 Running about 30 minutes behind, we caught up with the zombie hordes somewhere outside of Kensington Market.  I was truly impressed with the creativity and innovation put into some of the costumes.  There were theme zombies (we saw star trek zombies, Grease Zombies, no less than two Zombie Jesus', Scooby Doo zombies and so on), as well as some that were absolutely breathtaking in their gruesomeness.  There were also people in the parade dressed as Zombie Hunters.  One duo in gas masks were darting through the crowds screaming "Run! Don't just stand there taking pictures!!"

What really got me was people's ability to stay in character.  I made a really bad zombie, on that level.  I was to excited to stop giggling and smiling and taking pictures to be at all convincing.



At the end of the walk, back at Trinity park, we were treated to the musical stylings of The Von Drats, a pretty kick-ass surf-rock band.  I'll be looking them up for sure.

Oooh, quick fun story!

I never ever ever get singled out or picked for stuff at public events.  EVER.  Even as a kid, I was generally over-looked when I would shyly stick my hands up when the magician would ask for a volunteer.  I'm always a few rows off when the band starts throwing guitar pics and drumsticks.

So we're right up front for the Von Drats (it's a band in the center type layout, so some of the guys are facing us and some aren't)  Bass-Guy keeps throwing out T-shirts between songs, and although I'm screaming and jumping like a long-term fangirl, and not some who has just stumbled upon a free show in the park, he keeps throwing right over my head.  So the third time, he's got the shirt ready, and makes eye contact and I give him the sad puppy face.. and HE THROWS IT RIGHT TO ME!!

Being me, I drop it, because I suck at catching, and some girl tries to thwart me by stepping on it, but I manage to swipe it out from under her heel because gawdammit, that shirt was MEANT FOR ME!  So Yay, I got a free T-shirt.

And a bitch of a cold.  By the time we had gotten back to the park I had to pee bad.  There were NO open washrooms in the area, so we decided to make our way back to the car.  It had also started raining by this point, so we walk for about an hour in the rain, in single digit temperatures, our zombie make-up smearing down our face.. no doubt adding to the effect.

And that's what got me.  I felt like ass by the time we got back to the car, and pretty much have been since.  I crashed by 8:30 that night, and barely survived lunch with another two friends before I decided it was in my best interests to go home.

I picked the girls up, and because I have been promising for weeks we finally decorated the house for Halloween, seeing as there is only a week left.  You know the deal, caution tape, spider webbing, foam tomb-stones, decapitated heads, disemboweled babies.  Same old, same old.

actually, I'm really proud of how my head came out, and I've been getting many comments on my baby.  I consider 'disturbing' a compliment this time of year.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

WWWednesday - getting back on the wwwagon.

No, I'm not stuttering. The extra W's in wagon stand for Weight Watchers.

I weighed in at 175 this week, after not going to the meeting last week due to lack of funds. I'm not happy about this, and it's high time I kick my ass into gear again.

I started Weight Watchers in April of 2007 at my all-time high of 232 lbs. My legs hurt a lot, I had gastrointestinal issues, and I generally felt like shit, both emotionally and physically. I've generally been struggling with weight since I was a child but unlike a lot of women (and men) I've also been fiercely anti-diet. I've always kind of known that dieting doesn't work. I've known for years that what I needed to do is improve my eating habits. But I've always been a ridiculousy picky eater.

I don't mean to say I have some kind of sophisticated palate. No, I was, and in some ways still am, picky like a five year old.

As such, I've never really known how to make myself eat healthy. As a smoker with myriad health issues and a fundamental lack of co-ordination, the excercise portion of diet-and-excercise kind of eluded me as well.

But no less, something had to be done. Like I said, I was in craptacular health and I found myself becoming afraid that I was not going to see my children grow up. As I voiced these concerns to my mother, she finally said to me 'If it's a money thing, I will pay for you to do. You have to do SOMETHING." She was right. I signed up the next week, although I never ended up taking her up on her offer to pay for the membership.  All issues regarding body image and idealized beauty and such aside, I knew there was no effin' plane of existence where 232 lbs on a 5'5" frame could possibly be healthy.

So that was April 2007. It around that time that I also decided to quit smoking. In the beginning, I used a very simple method to keep myself accountable without shouting to the world "HEY! I'M LOSING WEIGHT AND QUITTING SMOKING! HOLY SHIT!" I kept two numbers in my MSN status line.. the first number was the number of smoke free days and the second number was pounds lost. Occasionally someone would ask "Hey, what's the deal with the numbers??" and I'd tell them of my decision to improve my health habits. Generally I'd be met with support. I liked it because I'm generally not comfortable with tooting my own horn (or if i do, it's usually in an over-the-top, ironically self-deprecating manner) so this allowed me to have some support without feeling the pressure of having EVERYONE know.

I think I need to make myself accountable to others for a while again if I'm going to make to my goal finally and not hit a back-slide into old habits. I think I'm going to post my progress on wednesdays, and while I'm there I can share some stories of the challenges and triumphs I've faced and continue to face on this journey. As of today I have a total of 56 lbs lost, and another 25 to go.


I will do this, dammit.


Me, December 2006 - 230 lbs

May 2010 - 173 lbs.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A brief moment of fangirlishness..

I tweeted yesterday about my favorite T-shirt, which happens to be the T-shirt I got from the Schomberg Fair show I went to a month or two back.  Basically I've come to think of it as a 'lucky' shirt.. goes with jeans, or a cute skirt and I generally feel pretty hot when I wear it.

I got a supernice message back from the band via direct message:

We feel very lucky too cause we have fans like you. You rock Andie!

So yeah.  I thought that was pretty much awesome.  I'm geeking out a little.


The lucky shirt in question.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Where I'm coming from...

First a quick note.. the recent posting at Simple Dude in a Complex World marking his two month anniversary in the blogosphere reminded me that this past September marked one year with this particular blog.  Yay Me!  I've actually been blogging since roughly 2005 if you count my now deleted MSN Spaces account (although I did make sure to copy that sucker to a text file) and my blog at MySpace that is still accessible here.  Still working on archiving that one.

On to my point...

I was struck by an interesting comment on a recent post at Feministe advocating that people in a debate regarding privileged groups and marginalized groups should be upfront about their own particular privileges.  Since I have some new readers, and occasionally I like to dig past my day to day happenings and kind of delve into the sociological muck, goober that I am, I'd like to present you all with a list of the areas of privilege and marginalization that I myself am coming from.

My Areas Of Privilege

I am white
I am Anglo Saxon
I am straight
I am cisgendered (Wikipedia Definition)
I am working class
I am able-bodied
I am university educated
I am gainfully employed
I am literate
I speak English as my first language

Areas Where I could be considered marginalized

I am a woman
I am a (formerly) above-average sized person
I am divorced
I am a single parent

Other factors that play into my personal experiences but might not be considered privileged or non-privileged

I am from a mostly rural area
I am of no religious affiliation
I am a product of a two-parent family

So, when I discuss social issues, these are the areas of privilege and non-privilege that I am speaking from, that help to shape my personal understanding of the world.  Sometimes I may think I understand a situation better than I actually do, based on my own privilege.  Feel free to call me on it, if you think I am out of line. 

That being said, I fucking hate trying to spell privilege.  Just sayin'

Friday, October 15, 2010

Squeeeeee! and such - Follow Up

So yeah, here's the painting I talked about in a previous post.



I'm quite pleased with how it turned out.  She was happy with it as well.

I am vindicated.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

There's only one of us now..

Mrs. H's that is.  I took the step today and went into the MTO office (or Service Canada as it's called now) and officially had my Licence and Health Card changed back to my maiden name.  In honesty I should have done this years ago.   For a few different reasons I didn't:
  • I wanted to have the same last name as my children.  I got over that.
  • I thought you had to be officially divorced to revert to your maiden name. You don't.
  • It seemed like a lot of hassle to change two letters.  That's right, there are TWO letters difference between my maiden name and my married name.  Yeah, I got over that too.
Did you know that assuming your spouses name isn't the same as a legal name change?  I honestly didn't know this.  As a result it's a hell of a lot easier to change back if you have your birth certificate kicking around.  I think the main issue is remembering all the stuff that your name goes on, and making sure you don't run into issues (I.E. if the lady at the MTO hadn't mentioned it I would have TOTALLY forgot to get my ownership changed - now I have to call my insurance company to change THAT etc etc)

The reasons I finally decided to change back were based on a few factors:
  • The ex-hubster got re-married.  With he and I, and the girls stepmom actively involved in their schooling, two Mrs. (or Ms.) H's is just confusing.
  • Since getting married and subsequently divorced, and learning quite a bit about the practice of spouse-name-assumption and how it ties in with past ideas about wives as the property of their husbands, I'm not particularly in agreement with it.  Should I marry again (which is not out of the realm of possibility.. I'm not sour to the idea) I might not want to assume their name.  Which would be a lot easier to argue if I'm not still using the former boy's name.
  • That person, that's just not me anymore.  
I still worry about how the girls feel about it, but I've explained my feelings to them about it.  I'm not trying to distance myself from THEM, at all.  Mainly I used the "there can't be two of us" explanation, though.  It seems to be the one that seems most logical to them.

And Now, another Musical Interlude

I'm with the band?

Managed to remember smidgens of last night's dreams:


On a bus of some sort.  I'm with two girl friends from high school.  The windows are tinted, but we can see out to the vehicles on the highway.  I'm smiling at some people, making faces at others.  I'm not entirely sure what sort of bus we are on, or where we are going.  It starts off cramped.  I turn my head though, and the back of the bus has opened up somewhat.


There is music, loud, hard rock music.  I see guitars and drums and various PA equipment. A guy comes out of a back compartment, wearing some sort of mask, quite hideous.  As another couple of guys come out, more in masks, one dripping in stage blood, I realize we must be on a tour bus.  I figure it's either Slipknot or maybe Gwar.


Giggling excitedly over this turn of events (I'm not a huge Gwar or Slipknot fan, but hey rock stars are rock stars), the blood covered guy takes off the hood covering his head and reveals the face of a friendly, somewhat bookish looking gentleman.  He singles me out of the three of us, and asks if I've been to the upper level of the bus.


I shake my head no.  He picks me up in his arms easily and declares that I can't leave until I've seen the hot tub.  As he carries me up the stairs I hadn't noticed until that point I try to crane my neck to see the reaction of my friends, knowing the one friend will be particularly jealous, having a craving for the high life.  The upper level of the bus is a palatial mansion with aforementioned hot tub, large bar, plush couches etc.

Alarm.  Roll over.  Snooze.  Close eyes.

My youngest daughter has a huge eye infection and is crying.  I'm trying to clean the gunk away while explaining to her that once we've got her eye clear we can give her some drops.   However, as I'm wiping the gunk, it comes away in long loopy strands, and i can imagine that I'm pulling away some kind of membrane that must be reaching back towards the back of her skull, there's so much of it.

Alarm.  Awake time.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Bechdel Test for Women in Movies


A friend of mine recently posted a link to this short, but very interesting video regarding the Bechdel Test for Women in Movies.

As outlined in the video, these are criteria used to gauge female presence in a film summed up in three questions:
  1. Are there more than two female characters (with names)?
  2. Do they speak to each other?
  3. Do they speak to each other about something other than men?
In going through my own video collection, as I was apt to do after watching this clip, I was surprised how few films even made it past the first question.  I was also surprised how many that did make it past were kid-oriented.

Here's a short list of the few movies I own that, to the best of my recollection, pass this test:



  1. Ghost World - One of the main themes of the film is the tenuous connection between Enid and Becky
     
  2. Go - Although kind of an ensemble cast, there's enough focus on Ronna and Clair as protagonists that they manage to make the cut
     
  3. Drop Dead Gorgeous - Although hardly a feminist film (or, is it??  ... satire is funny that way) it passes the test easy.  There's barely a guy in the film, let alone as a main focus.
     
  4. Bandits - A fantastic German film about four inmates from a womens correctional facility who break out of prison and go on the lam.. all the while being rockstars!  And it's presented much more realistically than it ever sounds like it could be.
     
  5. Home for the Holidays - Relationships between mother and daughters, between sisters, between brothers and sisters, fathers and daughters... the post-dinner scene between Claudia and Joanne is enough to qualify it alone.  I should mention this is one of my favorites.
  6. Juno - talking with your best friend and or step mom about how you got knocked up isn't quite the same as talking about guys, is it?   At any rate, I'm going to guess that talking to some random chick from school (who DOES have a name, I just don't remember) about fetuses with fingernails shouldn't.

  7. Thelma and Louise - In its time it was hailed as a great feminist film, except if you consider our protagonists pay for their break from gender expectations with their LIVES.. See, ladies, that's what happens when you drink, flirt, get raped in a parking lot and flee the law after you blow his sodomizing brains away... your ass is getting driven off a cliff.  Now back in the kitchen and make me a sammich.

    Come to think of it.. I don't know if this one counts.. Davis and Sarandon actually do spend most of the film yakking about men - Thelma's douchebag husband, the guy who tried to rape her in the parking lot, the guy who raped Louise in Texas (okay, she spent a lot of the movie NOT talking about that guy), the guy who won't marry Louise, the douchebag cops who are trying to catch them, and let's not forget, Brad Pitt's sweet sweet theiving ass.  Ohmm.

Let's just take a moment to relive that particular moment, shall we?

I found a lot more kids movies met the criteria... I'm not going to go into detail, but some of the ones that we own that passed muster include:
  • Matilda
  • Madeline
  • Eloise at Christmastime
  • Ella Enchanted
  • The Little Princess
  • Willow (I was actually really excited when I realized this one counted.. Sorsha talks to Queen Bavmorda about Elora Dannon.. so it totally works!)
Anyway, I dare you all to take a look into your own collection and see what passes.

    Tuesday, October 12, 2010

    Squeeeeee! and such.

    Hehehe.. So, I paint, as you may know. Sometimes I'll start a project, find it a bit ambitious (as I am relatively new at this, having only picked up a brush for non-high-school-art-class purposes 3 or so years ago) and put it away to finish later. Sometimes these unfinished works get re-primed and recycled into new projects.

    One such project was a portrait i started for a friend. I almost gave up on it, but tonight i decided to finish it, as she's coming to visit this weekend and I'm super excited after having not seen her for two years. A few years ago she sent me two beautiful charcoal portraits in a care package, and I think this painting is a nice way to reciprocate the gesture.

    I'm quite excited by how it turned out. Naturally, I'm seeing the flaws, as I'm hyper-critical of myself, but I think she'll like it. I'll update with the final product after I've given it to her. No need to ruin the surprise.

    These are the two portraits Sammi made for me, after another friend very helpfully decided to 'straighten' my picture frames.  Weirdo.

    The third picture is a reproduction of the cover for Days of the New's first album, as done by a local artist as a wedding present for the ex-hubster and myself.  This woman is also wicked talented, specializes in celebrity portraits. Her house is literally covered in them.

    "Where's Those Ottomans At??"

    I am thankful. (yes, a day late, a buck short). Speaking of a buck short, what I am most thankful for is that the GST/HST rebate finally showed it's little face in my mailbox. Time to beat back those wolves.

    I'm thankful for a government that condescends to me by sending a quarterly pittance to 'make up' for the anal raping I take every time I purchase something non-grocery related. It ain't a perfect system but at least now I have some cash until the next pay comes in. The first half of the month is such a bitch, financially speaking.

    A family friend gifted the girls and I a bag of VHS tapes, mostly kids movies, but there's a few grown-up goodies as well. One I look forward to is Scarface as it's one of those 'What-do-you-mean-you've-never-seen' movies. The first one was Reservoir Dogs. Okay, truthfully, the first one was the Princess Bride. In public school the phenomenon began.. "You've never seen the Princess Bride??" Ditto Labrynth. I think I was 22 and 25 respectively when I finally saw these two films.

    However, Reservoir Dogs was the catalyst for a project I embarked on last year, where I endeavored to watch a movie a week over the span of a year, in order to finally see all of those 'must-sees' that I had missed over the years. Having solicited suggestions from a number of friends, I compiled a list around the time of my birthday. Some friends chipped in on a gift of five of the films listed. Over time, I got around to watching, oh about four of the films. Yup, those five I was gifted.

    Having given myself a deadline, I became defiant and whenever I had a spare moment to movie-watch, I would find myself watching something I already knew and loved.

    The 52 in 52 project was pretty much an epic fail. Such is life. At any rate, I have suggestions now on the odd occasion I decide to rent a movie.

    I love watching previews from old videos. Tonight the girls popped in Ernest Scared Stupid (the under-rated comedic stylings of Jim Varney is a blog for another night) and the previews included Newsies (Christian Bale looks so YOUNG!), Straight Talk (Dolly Parton plays a advice 'Doctor' who is really an average nobody, a role Ashely Judd would reprise years later in Someone Like You - minus Giant Boobs, Giant Hair, and Giant Southern Accent) and one of my personal favorites, Encino Man. The under-rated appeal of Brendan Fraser is yet another blog for another night.

    The best previews are the ones like Encino Man that are so horribly dated.. the music, the styles, the vast amounts of neon.. the idea that Pauly Shore was kind of funny. Gooood Times.

    I just pulled Banana Bread out of the oven. It. Smells. Goo-oood. That's right, good enough for an extra syllable.

    Saturday, October 9, 2010

    Opportunities lost

    A couple of things I really wanted to say to people at the bar tonight, but didn't, but should have.

    To the two girls whose 'dresses' and I use the term loosely, were barely covering them, cause me to be traumatized at least once: "I don't mean to alarm you, but it appears you may have forgotten your pants."

    To the crazy-air-guitar-alternating-with-both-arms-raised drunk dude: "Hey, I can guess that you're drunk and probably trying to get laid. It's not working. You're cute but you need to work on your game. Seriously, in the name of avoiding future embarassment, learn about personal space."

    Monday, October 4, 2010

    The Friendship Divorce

    Ending a long-term friendship of 18 years is like going through a divorce.

    The finger-pointing and claims of who has sacrificed what for who, and who has wronged who.

    Looking at pictures and feeling both sad and angry at the same time.

    Other mutual friends don't quite know how to act.  If you even tell them at all.

    Questioning what happened to the person you once knew, and loathing this new person they have become.  Wondering when you started to notice the change.  Thinking maybe you never knew them at all.

    Questioning yourself. Maybe every hurtful thing they say is true.

    What of the children?  They lose, too.

    The kicker is, I didn't even get to wear a pretty dress for a day.  Eff this.

    Sunday, October 3, 2010

    Adventures in the service sector.

    In the drive through at McDonalds last night.

    Me:  Can I get two cheeseburger happy meals with chocolate milk to drink?
    Drive-Thru Girl:  Girl or Boy toys?

    Me: Toys don't have genders.  Can you please tell me what the toys are?
    Drive-Thru Girl: We have skateboarders for boys and strawberry shortcake for girls.
    Kids (In unison): STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!!

    *sigh*  Of course.  Way to gender-socialize my children, McDonalds.

    *******************************************************

    At a family restaurant about 30 minutes away I took the girls for breakfast and proceeded to wait 15-20 minutes without even getting so much of a menu or a "I'll be with you in a minute."

    The server had made eye contact with us as we came in.  Not even a MENU.  Even on the busiest day, how hard is it to slap a menu onto a table?

    I'm hoping they were understaffed due to illness or something, otherwise having one server on a Sunday morning is just bad planning. 

    We walked out.

    I won't mention their name outright, but they are named after a Sesame Street character.  Just in case you're ever in the area.

    Saturday, October 2, 2010

    I want to drop-kick these kittens.

    I have two kittens left that don't have homes.  My attempts at home-finding were thwarted when Spartacus the giant tom brought home fleas and effectively spread them to the rest of the cats.  For some reason, no treatment seems to be working with these last two.  So I don't feel right giving them away, unless someone is fully prepared to deal with this themselves.

    In the meantime, they're driving me up a friggin' wall.  I can't eat in peace, because they're on me trying to get at my food.  I can't cook or make lunches in peace because they're constantly up on the counter.  The other day I was putting away groceries, and as I was trying to section up the ground beef I had bought in bulk, I had to push Simon off the counter roughly 27 times.

    I wish I was exaggerating for the sake of comedic value, but I'm not.

    They get up on my dresser, pick up my earrings and other things with their teeth and drop them off the edge.  I can't let them in my room at night, because they try to attack the string for the  blinds.  If I put the blinds down in an attempt to keep the string out of reach, they still try to get it.

    They've turned the computer modem off three times this week.  I was ready to call Rogers Cable and ream them out for their crappy modem until I realized the culprit.

    I've been giving the kids hell for making messes around the house.. I'm starting to think they're not the problem.

    Mama Chloe keeps trying to get out and it's driving me nuts as I have not had time to get her into be spayed.  I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN.  Bob Barker, HELP ME! 

    The OSPCA is so over-run with strays that they charge you to bring animals there.  But I'm ready to suck up that charge just to save my sanity.  This is a small house and not sufficient to deal with three wrangy indoor cats and one Giant Tom who stays out most of the time.  When he is home he pretty much just eats, shits and hisses at the kittens.

    I don't blame him. They're a pain in the ass.

    My other option is to drive them out to the country and drop them off.  It's still fall, the survival rate is good. Hell, that's how I got Mama Chloe in the first place.

    PETA reps, this is sheer hyperbole. I'm not going to ditch them out on some concession somewhere.  But a girl can dream can't she?


    I'm not even allowed to do laundry, even. No, they've taken over the dryer.

    Friday, October 1, 2010

    The Mrs. Lovejoys have their priorities out of whack.

    You know who I'm referring to, correct?  Those that wring their hands crying 'Please, think of the children!'

    Over the last couple of weeks there have been a string of teen suicides involving gay teens who were being tormented (bullying is so overused.. ) by their peers.  One kid was outed on the internet by his college room-mate.  Imagine, if you will, someone you were forced to live in close confines with playing a video of you having sex ON THE INTERNET.  Without your consent, or knowledge.  Imagine how horrifying that might be for you.  Regardless of who you are having sex with.

    Dan Savage, who writes a sex advice column, came up with the brilliant idea for the "It Gets Better" project... basically, a collection of videos where gay adults can let young people who may be grappling with their sexuality know that there is life after high school and that life will get better.  Frankly, I think ANY kid who is being bullied can benefit from this.  I sure could have.  It was a huge relief finding out that all those heirarchies that exist in a high school and even public school environment DON'T MATTER when you're finally out in the 'real world'.

    Of course, we get the dissent, as I mentioned yesterday like this jackass here (Again, trigger warning.)  A commenter at Here and Now pointed out this story as well:

    Some School Anti-Bullying Programs Push Gay Agenda, Christian Group Says

    Imma file this under "Are you F***ing Kidding me??"

    "What parents need to be aware of is there are activist groups who want to promote homosexuality to kids because they realize if they can capture hearts and minds of our children at the earliest ages they will have for all practical purposes won the clash of values that we are currently experiencing," - Candi Cushman, education analyst for Focus on the Family, said on recently launched website TrueTolerance.org.

    Seriously?  I have to laugh at the irony of the 'TrueTolerance.org' I also love the idea one can sell a certain sexual orientation to kids.  No, sorry.. the idea is not to promote, the idea is to let kids that are having issues with their sexuality to say 'You're okay.  Be who you are'.

    Now, I have issues with Anti-bullying legislature (yes, even as a former victim) because frankly, I think a big part of the problem is that parents need to stop teaching their kids to be such little shit-heads.  Seems pretty friggin' simple to me.  However, some parents refuse to do this, as I learned at a young age when the parent of the kid who spent a year throwing pine cones, then iceballs, then eventually ROCKS at me at my bus-stop until I finally got hit in the mouth, responded to my mother's complaint by saying "Well, YOUR daughter was swearing at my daughter."

    SHE WAS THROWING ROCKS AT MY FRIGGIN' HEAD.  DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING TO SWEAR AT HER!!!

    So, there are Those Parents who won't teach their kids not to be shit-heads, and there are kids who, for some reason or another, won't bring it to their parent's attention when they are the ones being victimized.  I was one of those kids, and why, I have no idea.  Hell, I was skipping school in the third grade to avoid the douchebaggery of my fellow classmates.  I had no reason not to tell my parents, I just didn't.  For this reason, it is necessary to have some boundaries in place in schools to prevent this behaviour.  But to say that the legislature shouldn't have any focus on one of the more marginalized groups of students because of a 'clash of values' is absurd at best, dangerous at worst.

    Basically, the message I get from their stance is "What's a few gaybo's offing themselves if it means our kids don't catch 'teh ghey'."

    Mrs. Lovejoy's of the world, I think you need to rethink your priorities.  Think of the children, indeed.

    Think of YOUR children.  If this was your child, would you not want someone to stand up for their right to be who they are and love who they love?  As a parent, I'd rather my kid be gay than dead, any day of the week.

    Maybe Ms. Candi Cushman of Focus on the Family needs to take a moment and focus on the families who are grieving right now for their lost children.. children they lost to hatred, intolerance, and bigotry.  May these poor boys rest in peace.

    Billy Lucas, Age 15
    Tyler Clemente, Age 18
    Asher Brown, Age 13
    Seth Walsh, Age 13

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