Monday, July 31, 2006

Brain Boogers

If there is any smell in the world that makes me want to yak my breakfast up, it's fresh watermelon.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Apparently I've posted 6 blogs today. Oh those wacky MySpace techies.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Need to decide where to go for my vacation. Sam's not going to Halifax now, so if he's not going, Nova Scotia really doesn't hold anything for me. I may still go, I don't know.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Big scary incineration assignment I thought was due tomorrow, is actually due NEXT Tuesday. Andie gets to sleep tonight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


It is hot as balls today. But it could be worse. Could be snowing. I'll take this over -30 January temperatures any day.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kittens, and jello. But not in the same bowl.

A slight miscommunication between the boy, his GF and I led resulted in my being unable to locate my children (or their father) this evening when it came time to pick them up. So, naturally the darkest recesses of my mommy brain kicked into overdrive, conjuring up images of MISSING posters featuring my ex and my girls, or bloody car wreckage on the highway after having gone to visit relatives, or my precious girls lying victims (along with the boy and his new fam) of carbon monoxide poisoning in their apartment.

Yeah, turns out they had to work this weekend, but didn't inform me, so after going through many channels I found the number of the new place where the boy is working and then found out where the girls were staying and went to pick them up, safe and sound. Phew.

One bright spot that came out of this particular ordeal is that early in my searching I decided to check the park (at this point I was merely a little peeved, not yet thoroughly freaked out) because Sundays they now have music in the park, and I figured the boy, being the musical sort, might find that a fun excursion to take the girls on.

ANYWAY...

While I was in the park I ran into a former customer from the convenience store, whom I've had a minor crush on for a while but who I only run into maybe once a year now, who was in the park with his daughter so I got to chat for a minute and in that time we got caught up a bit. I really wanted to ask him out for a coffee sometime, but seeing as I had already mentioned my concern at being unable to locate my kids, I thought that would be inappropriate.

"I can't locate my kids, I'm a little concerned. You wanna go out sometime?"

Yeah. That doesn't fly with me.

I'm feeling all romantic lately, I don't know what it is. Idealistic or something. Yearning to connect with someone on a deeply intimate - both emotionally and physically -- level. It's very pre-occupying. I had the opportunity for some dirty fun time with a former FWB, but I had to be honest and tell him I just wasn't into that anymore. Looking for more than just sex. Not that that isn't fun. It's the waking the next day and still not feeling any better in the larger frame of things that is Not so fun.

I think the events that took place over Pride weekend are still messing with me a bit. That was definitely a case where I fell very hard, very fast, and I am still feeling the reverberations. Top it off, there is a party in two weeks that he is more than likely going to be attending, and I'm not sure how to face him. It's been somewhat easy, with him being in the city and not having to come face to face with him.


*sigh*

Saturday, July 29, 2006

No More Fucking Around

Fuck this "putting back on all the weight I lost last year" thing.

FUCK THAT.

Cruelest irony of all -- As I stood in the change room at Giant Tiger, vainly attempting to struggle into a pair of size 16 dress pants (as I couldn't find an 18), my frustration with my inability to find a simple pair of affordable pinstriped or plaid pants mounting by the second, what song should happen to be playing over the P.A. system?

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY.

Almost poetic in it's sadistic humour, isn't it? 

*Shakes fist at heavens CURSE YOU, POETIC JUSTICE!


*sigh*.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I think I need help -or- socio-babble part one.

Sometimes getting woken up suddenly is a good thing, because otherwise I'd probably forget fucked up dreams like this:

I'm at a large pier, swimming with my children. This pier is about 100 feet wide. It's huge. There is an above water rock formation not too far away, similar to the one near Robin's Point where I used to swim. They are at about a 45 degree angle from each other.

The girls are able to swim for some reason, which is good because I'm not paying a whole lot of attention to them, although I am aware enough of their presence to look around every so often to pull one out from under the water (they can swim, but not well, in my dream). Instead I am more fascinated with the fact that the pier and the rock formation are growing ever closer to each other (a concrete pier and a pile of rocks). I look up at one point to realize that we are in a large water filled room, with red walls, still containing the rocks and the pier but now they are significantly smaller.

I notice Tierney just under the water struggling to emerge, so I yank her out of the water, coughing and sputtering. Then the water, pier, and rocks are gone and have been replaced by a large dome tent, although we are still in the red room. The tent takes up most of the room. I am sitting on one side, the children are playing, running in and out of the tent, and I can see on the other side of the tent, K (the ex-hubby's ex) and her kids are sitting against the wall, watching the girls play. I am very uncomfortable with this. Trying to be nonchalant, I say 'Okay girls, we're going to clean up now' and they disappear. As I start dismantling the tent, K and her kids get up to leave, she says something to her middle child as they leave, but I don't remember because I am noticing her hair is curlier than usual, almost like black hair.

I finish taking the tent down and I walk into another room, this one empty and beige. The Boy (read: ex-hubby) is in the room with Reagan (I don't seem bothered by the fact that I don't know where Tierney is) We small talk chit chat, apparently he is teaching Reagan to play guitar. There is again no furniture in the room, so he is seated, leaning against the wall, and Reegs is standing. I mention, hesistantly, that K had been there, and saw the girls. He nods and says that he saw her when they came through. I then notice a guitar on the ground and pick it up to notice that the neck has been broken right off. I show this to him and he laughs.

Next I am what looks like my nanny's house in Bancroft, in the living room. My mother is placing Knicknacks and lamps and candles around the room. As she busies around, she is advising me that if I get a Sears catalogue (she has to say 'Sears catalogue' about 6 times before I understand her, there are a few other people in the room, chatting loudly) that I can order some light. Confused I look around at all the lamps and candles in the room, and I can't for the life of me figure out what she is talking about but I nod and wink conspiratorially to her.

I am looking around the room for improvements that can be made, or things that can be taken away and my mother has embarked on making little place card type things with inspirational messages on them from the computer, and is placing them carefully on the windowsill. In the dream, this all seems like normal, if slightly irritating, behavior for my mom.

Next I am downtown midland, there is some kind of festival going on, I'm walking down the street with Aditya (new friend I just made). He sees a girl inside of one of the stores who is wearing a large rainbow flag. He mentions that he likes her and I say "So what are you waiting for?? Go talk to her" and with superhuman strength I literally throw him at her. 

Meanwhile I browse the magazine section of the store, and there are all these underground comics, tattoo magazines and a lot of occult-themed publications. I leave the store I walk up the street towards the library, where there is some kind of ritual or something taking place. There are many people around wearing purple shawls and covered in glittery stuff. There is a large pyre burning, about four feet tall with billowing black smoke. My dad handed me a purple shawl, and I put it on, and I swear the thing weighed 50 pounds. I am told by another guy that I have to get oiled up (which I am assuming is what the glittery stuff). I am aware that this other guy is my stepfather, which is odd because I have no recollection of my parents being divorced.

He guides me over to a booth where there are tubes of glitter laid out on a table, and proceeds to start rubbing the stuff on me, in some rather personal areas. I'm thinking OMG WTF. but strangely a little aroused too (BTW this guy has no resemblance to anyone I know IRL). He leaves and as I am putting the stuff on my arms, I telepathically contact Melissa (I told you this was a weird dream) and say "Dude, I totally have to tell you something." My 'stepfather' comes back and then phone rings and I wake up.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucked up I think.

***************************************************************************

So I went to see Clerks 2 last night with Jay, John, John's GF Camilla (?) and Jay's friend Adi. Good times. Not Kevin Smiths best work, but still worth seeing. Thought it was a better wrap-up to the Jersey Saga of movies than Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was. Some parts were funny as hell, some parts were over the top gross (Kinky Kelly for example), some parts were really over the top emotional, which is a departure for KS.

It got me thinking though about how you rarely see movies portray really deep, emotionally intimate friendships between men though. Although there are tons of buddy movies, the relationships, although lasting, seem really shallow. I give Kevin Smith credit for showing that in his films (even if he does use the homoerotic slant for cheap laughs). Come to think of it, he did it with Holden and Banky in Chasing Amy, and even with Ollie and his Dad in Jersey Girl. I haven't seen many movies show deep friendships between men since the Odd Couple.

When we watched the movie "Tough Guise" in Women and Pop culture -- which by the way, if you can get your hands on this movie watch it, it's fascinating -- There is an overlaying theme of men being isolated loners, with little emotional connection to anyone. Which is not real life, but could become so, since we learn from TV, movies and music more than anything now. But in real life, guys do have lasting emotional friendships, I've seen it on more than one occasion. Movies tend to portray male relationships as based on getting drunk/high having adventures and chasing pussy. Or as a dominant/submissive superhero/sidekick type thing. (Although the Tick and Arthur had an interesting relationship)

So yeah, I'm done my socio-babble for now. This is an interesting topic I think though. I'm thinking now I may start researching. If they bring the fourth year to Barrie maybe I could do my thesis on Male relationships in movies and television. I could go back to the old Crosby/Sinatra 'road to...." movies through to today.


NOBODY STEAL MY IDEA, K??

Monday, July 24, 2006

Musical Kryptonite.

Okay it sounds weird, but if someone were to sing this for me, I would be powerless against it -- I would be theirs forever (not counting those who have access to this blog... that's just cheating.) It's such a sweet love song, even if a little morbid

The Ghosts That Haunt Me

There's a skeleton in everybody's closet
I can think of one or two in my own room
But I would like to introduce them both to you
You'd shake their bony hands and so dispel the gloom

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd chase away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear they wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels

There are nights when all my aching bones won't let me sleep
Demons come to plague me as I lie in bed
But I know if you were sleeping there beside me then
You would fend them off and they would let me rest

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd send away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear just wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels

There are nights when the wind comes out to my old place
I have dreams yeah I wake up with the sweat pouring down my face
and I wait 'til the morning comes

There will come a time I feel when all my days are done
They will come collect my corpse and bury me
But I hope that you'll come over to the other side
Join me in our new life, keep me company

'Cause you're so kind I know you would not mind
You'd send away the ghosts that haunt me now
And the things I fear just wouldn't seem so near
When I stroll out late at night there would be nothing rattling at my heels

***************************************************************************

In other news: There's getting to be a ridiculously high hot dog cart to people ratio in Midland. Apparently we are competing to become the 'street meat' capital of the world?


Going to see Clerks 2 tomorrow night. Looking forward to it!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ill-gotten booty.

The laws of probability were on my side tonight.

I won a whole bunch of shit at karaoke tonight. Including THIS:


WARPED TOUR! BOO-FUCKING-YAH. 

(it's what happens when you karaoke on prize night, when it's dead and then sing about a half dozen songs or more. There were maybe 5 non-staff singers. My odds were amazing.)

Happy Andie.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Tasty tidbits.

I've been driving around without my insurance information handy. Oops.

***************************************************************************

I JUST remembered today that I have a take-home exam that needs to be done by Tuesday morning. Since tomorrow is Nanny's birthday, and Monday is grocery day, I guess that means my day today is pretty much planned. Gah. I hate spur of the moment essays, even if they are only three pages. Can't wait to pass Enviro-Sci and never have to take another science course again.

EVER.

***************************************************************************

I've come to the realization that I have an irrational fear of people thinking I am trying to take advantage of them. I think it goes back years when one of my 'friends' moms allegedly called me a mooch. Ever since then, I worry that people are going to think I'm using them for stuff. That's why I never ask anyone for anything.

Came to this the other day when I ran into a friend I haven't really talked in a long time invited me to come over a swim. Now I feel weirded out if I call, because it may be construed that that is the reason, when in actual fact, I just used to really enjoy hanging out with that person.

Yes. I am a little neurotic.

***************************************************************************

I have to clean my car today. It's really really gross. Still need to figure out how I'm going to fix the ceiling as well (see Pride day blog).

***************************************************************************

Went Karaoke legioning with the parentals last night (I know sammi, I didn't call you. Call me in the next day or two because I think we are going to karaoke on wednesday if you can get yourself up to midland you are welcome to come!)

My parents incredibly drunk friend kept putting his arm around me while his wife gave me dirty looks. Uncomfortable. Cue impromptu 'pee' break (read: Get me the fuck away from these people). *shudders

I kick ass at Led Zepplin (new KDJ's had Ramble on. Happy Andie. But only two Tragically Hip songs. Slightly Disgruntled Andie)

***************************************************************************

 Hit Wasaga Beach on Thursday with Dan and the girls. Had a good laugh at the fact that people's assumption that he is 'with' me and my kids, makes his ogling of women on the beach not just lecherous, but particularily detestable. And makes me a clueless doormat.
In the eyes of others, I mean.

I got sunburnt on the backs of my calves and on my cleavage.

***************************************************************************

My allergies are bugging the shite out of me.

***************************************************************************

Last night after dropping the girls off I sat and played my guitar until the pain was too excruciating to even touch the fretboard, and I had to stick my fingers in frigid water between songs. What a thrilling feeling. My callouses are coming back. I'm almost ready to try playing in public again.

There's an Open Mike night at the coffee shop downtown tonight. If I'm done my essay, or at least have a good chunk of it done, I'm gonna go check it out. Don't know if I'm gonna play or not, but at least I have one or two songs I can do well, and all the way through. I'm gonna take the guitar with me and see what happens. 

Get so nervous. The last time I played in public (read: on a stage. Campfires are different) I fucked up pretty bad. Mind you, that was about 7 years ago.

7 Years? Holy shit.

***************************************************************************

Because I'm feeling cheesy, I feel like posting a poem I wrote a while back. If you all like it, cool. If not, meh. Whatever.

ON SMALL TOWN ADOLESCENCE

I remember like it was yesterday
The diamond lights
Stretched shadows across the park
The night settled in
We played Hide and Seek in the dark
Not quite children now
We held on to our freedom
Pushing back our adult selves
As the twilight pushed back the sun
We hid in the trees
Drank beer behind the community centre
Took off our shirts when the summer heat 
Drenched us in cool sweat
Running into the bushes when
the cops came
And we laughed at how it screamed
we're up to no good
Changing letters on advertising signs
Risque messages left for passers-by
The police still circling, circling
As if to say 'move along'
But there is nothing here to see

we're still hiding in the trees.

Thursday, July 6, 2006

Bagel Commandos!!!

My room-mate Dan is a fucking nut-job (I mean that in a positive way) but it makes for some fun times.

So I'm in the middle of cooking some chicken Tuesday night for an absolutely spectacular pesto-mozza-chicken sandwich, when I open up the bagels that I had bought the day before only to realize they are mouldy. Was I ever pissed. as my chicken is just about ready and honestly, whole wheat bread is not going to do it for a sandwich of this caliber. So it's 8:40 and the grocery store (whose name I will not mention, but lets just say it rhymes with MoodBasics) closes at 9. so I tell Dan to bring his soup with him if he wants a ride uptown (he was heading to a friends place).

So we get to the store at about 8:59 and the IN doors are locked. SO what does Dan do? He forces his way in through the out door. Meanwhile the cashier is shaking her head, as he goes through the second doors telling her to get her supervisor... I am holding up my mouldy bagels as he is holding, nay wielding the fork he had brought with him to eat his dinner.

I got to exchange my bagels, to say the least. Will I be able to shop at said grocery store again? We'll see. I won't be going to that one cashiers till anytime soon.

**************************************************************************

Hit Shanana's for Karaoke last night with Nicky, some of the Nana's staff, Cromsie and Dan. Good times. Busy but not too busy so I gots to sing a lot. Did the following:

Green day - Holiday
Tragically Hip - Little bones
Meatloaf - Paradise by the dashboard light (with Cromsie... song has new meaning when sung by two chicks)
Van Morrison - Moondance
Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

Good times, got some good pictures which I should upload soon so's I can email them to Nicky

**************************************************************************


MELISSA IS HERE! well, her flight got in not too long ago, she should be hitting her parents place anytime now. YAY!!

Sunday, July 2, 2006

War wounds (or 'look what the fucking bloodthinners did to me')

SO yeah, I went camping at my friend Jen's cottage last night. Drank too much. (a mickey of vodka, over my tolerance level). There was karaoke as well as a few guitars and I guess the combination of vodka, anticoagulants and my enthusiastic knee-slapping appreciation of good music resulted in a ridiculous amount of bruising.

That's from me keeping time with the music. Okay so I was a little over-exuberant, but shit... bruising?

Not only that but as I was walking along the rocky shore after three hours sleep (got to watch the sun coming up I did -- got to bed at 5:30 and by 8 am it was too bloody hot to sleep in the tent) to look for a nice low-traffic place to vomit, my sandal strap came open and i killed my knee on a friggin rock. AND last night the beam that was holding up the tarp fell down and hit me on the arm.

I'm a menace to myself I tells ya.

I'm going to go back to bed for a while, supposed to go to another party tonight.

Happy belated Canada day everyone.


Post Script: So... did a little internet search, and as it turns out, alcohol and anticoagulants are a bad mix. Forgot about that. Well then, no more rounds for me thanks.
There was an error in this gadget